Whitefox123 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 A few months ago I met this amazing guy online…we talked for awhile before actually going out on a date, but once we did things were even better than I could have ever imagined. We started hanging out on a regular basis and about a month ago decided to become exclusive. Things have been moving along nicely and I truly do feel a connection with him….there is just one thing that’s been bugging me. He still is active on an online dating website. Not the one we met on, but another. My friend is active on the site as well and noticed that he showed up when she did a search for guys in our area…and he had been online that day. I’ll admit that since I found this out, I’ve been a little crazy and I’ve checked it a few times through out the week just to see. It doesn’t appear that he signs in every day, maybe about once a week…but that’s still enough to bother me. His profile says he’s looking for friends…which is what the original one said as well. I asked my friend what she’d do and she said not to worry about it….especially since he’s still acting completely normal. We talk all the time (he makes just as much effort, if not more than I do) and everything is great, when we are together…it’s perfect! He is everything I could have ever asked for and we both agreed that this is the best relationship either one of us have had in a very long time. He also always tells me how great I am and how special I am to him. On most days I believe him, but then this pops into my mind and I start to worry. I feel like trust is something that should be earned with time , not immediately given and this is the one issue that is a little hard to overlook….especially since my ex used to surf online dating websites when we were together. I know they’re two totally different people, but after being burned like that…it’s hard not to compare situations. When he’s told me about his relationships though, it sounds like he went through a lot of the same things I did so I’d like to think he wouldn’t do anything because he knows how it hurts. I’ll admit I’m a little insecure than I probably would be because of everything I went through in the past. I’m still working on getting past it and aside from this, I’m not letting it show, because I know (aside from this) I don’t have anything else to worry about. Side note: I haven’t deactivated my profile on the original website we met on, and neither has he (however he hasn’t signed in since we got together) so I’m not upset about that part…I’m just upset that he is still active. Should I bring this up to him or should I just not worry about it for now? I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not…and I don’t want to rock the boat so early on if there really is nothing to worry about…however on the other hand I feel like we should discuss it because it is something that is bugging me and I should be able to be open and honest at all times. He told me from day one that if there was ever anything on my mind to put it out there… If I do bring this up to him, how can I bring this up to him without sounding crazy?
Cracker Jack Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 It's a bit too early to be bringing things like that up. I honestly think you're overreacting at this point. The insecurity is understandable, tho--but you can't allow it to create many possible scenario's in your mind that likely wouldn't take place. Not saying you need to trust this guy with your all just yet, but this really isn't much of an issue. However, if it bothers you that much, simply let him know that you're not comfortable with him on that site. That would likely be a bit too much, so scratch that. I dunno. I just don't think you need to worry about something so minor at this point. And don't allow it to literally drive you insane. Unfortunately most people end up doing that.
Author Whitefox123 Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Thanks for the responses. When I sit back and think about how great things are otherwise I realize that I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill. As long as he continues to treat me well and our relationship continues to grow, I guess I'll try to push the thoughts out of my mind especially since I really don't get that 'gut feeling' about him that somethings wrong...it's just frustrating because of my past.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 (edited) I'm well aware of the " friends" option on most dating sites. Like OKC, some men like to use the " friends' option in place of " casual sex" because it keeps them from getting crossed out from most of the women who aren't seeking casual. Ask yourself this, do most men really want women for friends? PS. since you guys aren't " exclusive" bringing it up with him will only make you come across as possessive. The only thing you can look out for is the way he treats you. If he starts to go quiet, or ignore you, then you truly know something's up. Edited August 31, 2010 by xpaperxcutx something to add
Author Whitefox123 Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 ughhh I didn't even think of that part of it! Although I don't think that's what he's looking for considering he hasn't even tried anything with me...although we've talked about our histories he said hes willing to wait as long as I want to. We are exclusive though and I just feel like it's inappropriate for someone to be on an online site when they're in a relationship....just my opinion though.
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