nydesii Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year and 3 months. it was very rocky, its basically the first real relationship for both of us. at first he'd be a real jerk and say stupid things because he didnt really know how to handle a girl. i let that stuff go, talked to him, we had a few fights about it cuz he wouldnt understand, but he eventually grew up and realized he was at fault for the fights and stopped the stupid stuff. then, i had a problem. i would be oversensitive and overanalytical of everything he said and even when he was joking around about things and jus having fun id get too serious and try to analyze why he said some jokes and he would get mad at that cuz i was bitching for no reason and ruining the fun when hes jus tryna make some laughs. and i got that after a while i needed to stop that. so im trying to do that now, but sometimes it still happens. but in like the past month both of us have been so much better and there really hasnt been a fight all month and that was one great streak. when i would get mad and bitch about little things, at one point he said he was going to talk to me less and start jus checking in on me a few times during the day instead of actually talking to me normally so i would have less to pick on. i didnt like it, so i promised him i would stop being like that and take the jokes and joke back and stop being so uptight. after a while, he finally did start talking to me normally again and we joked and laughed and were extremely happy being ourselves and being what we both wanted from each other. i wanted him to be himself and talk normally, and he wanted me to be able to handle it and joke along with him and laugh. yeah well yesterday i was having a bad day to begin with. i wasnt feeling great, kinda pissed off at my mom, and worried about stuff. and i saw my bf at work, he was joking around and stuff like usual, he said one thing but i didnt like it and it was bothering me. he asked me what i rate myself on a scale of 1-10. i guess i overanalyzed and i thought he was asking to see how high on the scale id put myself and then make fun of me for it. well he got mad cuz i overanalyzed and im being exactly the way i was before and going back to that bitch. picking on his jokes, being too sensitive etc. but it was ONE time after so long, i slipped. why cant he forgive me for it? i told him it was an off day and im sorry but i wont do it again, and now hes like "no, now i cant talk normally to you. ur just gonna pick on everything and be a bitch; ill check in on you but i dont feel like talking to you" why cant he just let this go? i apologized a billion times, weve been fine the past month, his joked were fine, i was fine, we were happy. one slip-up and its a huge deal? what should i do?
dispatch3d Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Alright if you read your post to yourself and try to be objective, you'll realize that you NEED to fight. It's a need, it's there, you have to do it. Your boyfriends biggest problem is he doesn't realize you need to start fights occasionally. Think back to times with previous boyfriends where you would get angry or emotional with them. Did any of them do things that worked particularly well in calming you down or changing your mood to a positive one? Convey these things to him (the stories of what they did, not what you think you need). I'd suggest not giving your bf suggestions on how to handle you fwiw. Or at least don't talk about it with him in the light of "You don't really understand how women work, so I need to educate you". This is offensive to most guys..... (the mindset is offensive)
Milkchoc Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Hi Nydesii It's not clear how close you are with your bf but in every relationship there's the fun side and there's the serious side. Sounds like you can both enjoy the fun side and tease each other but do you make him aware of your 'bad days'?, if so, then he should tread lightly on those days and show some TLC rather than giving you a hard time cos you don't get his jokes. I'm guessin' that over the year and 3 months you've learnt to recognise more of when he's fooling around and when he's serious ??? Is he EVER serious ??? One of my ex partners used to fool around all the time. It really used to annoy me because there were times that I had 'off' days and he used to get so cross with me for not laughing along with him. I used to remind him that I am not a puppet or a battery operated toy!, that I had feelings and worries like any other person and that life was not always one big joke. on my off days, I would either stay out of his way until my mood lifted or as soon as I saw him i would say something like ... "I'm having a crap day today so before you start, I am not in the mood for any of your stupid jokes !!!". He appreciated the pre-warning and it sure saved a lot of misunderstanding. This helped me, hope it's some help to you too.
Author nydesii Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 Hi Nydesii It's not clear how close you are with your bf but in every relationship there's the fun side and there's the serious side. Sounds like you can both enjoy the fun side and tease each other but do you make him aware of your 'bad days'?, if so, then he should tread lightly on those days and show some TLC rather than giving you a hard time cos you don't get his jokes. I'm guessin' that over the year and 3 months you've learnt to recognise more of when he's fooling around and when he's serious ??? Is he EVER serious ??? One of my ex partners used to fool around all the time. It really used to annoy me because there were times that I had 'off' days and he used to get so cross with me for not laughing along with him. I used to remind him that I am not a puppet or a battery operated toy!, that I had feelings and worries like any other person and that life was not always one big joke. on my off days, I would either stay out of his way until my mood lifted or as soon as I saw him i would say something like ... "I'm having a crap day today so before you start, I am not in the mood for any of your stupid jokes !!!". He appreciated the pre-warning and it sure saved a lot of misunderstanding. This helped me, hope it's some help to you too. thanks, that sounds like a good idea and i guess ill try it if he ever decides to talk to me normally anytime soon. were very close. and yes he is serious sometimes. but i would say majority of the time hes playing around and joking and well it makes him a much better person to be around and talk to than others. he makes me laugh a lot. and he loves doing that too. he loves being around me cracking his stupid jokes and making me crack up and seeing me smile but if one of them affects me, it annoys him becuase i didnt take it the way he intended it and got mad instead of laughing along. and okay, well on ur off days, didnt you ever feel like talking to him about it? sometimes i want to, but sometimes he ends up saying the wrong thing and i get mad at him for making me feel worse and he gets annoyed that i didnt take his joke even though i wasnt feeling good. thats one of his problems. so yesterday, i didnt tell him what was on my mind. didnt put it out there at all. so he joked around and stuff and i didnt take it and i guess thats what caused it.
Author nydesii Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 Alright if you read your post to yourself and try to be objective, you'll realize that you NEED to fight. It's a need, it's there, you have to do it. Your boyfriends biggest problem is he doesn't realize you need to start fights occasionally. Think back to times with previous boyfriends where you would get angry or emotional with them. Did any of them do things that worked particularly well in calming you down or changing your mood to a positive one? Convey these things to him (the stories of what they did, not what you think you need). I'd suggest not giving your bf suggestions on how to handle you fwiw. Or at least don't talk about it with him in the light of "You don't really understand how women work, so I need to educate you". This is offensive to most guys..... (the mindset is offensive) well we used to have a LOT of fights. i mean like 1 or 2 each week, it was way too much and that wasnt healthy. we've had our share of fights and we really needed to cut down on that. and we really havent had a fight since the beginning of august and everything was ggoing really good till now. and i told you, this is both of ours first real relationship. my only other relationship was when i was 14, three years ago, for like 3 months, and nothing happened in that relationship so i dont really have any past relationships to look back on. the thing thats worrying me is i want him to talk to me normally! like crack all his stupid jokes, make me laugh, have real conversations, not just say hey watsup, chillin, k ttyl. not just checking in like that like he says hes going to. weve already been through this and it took A LOT from me to convince him to talk to me normally again and i would be able to take his jokes and not get mad at him and he finally did, but i slipped this one time, and hes making it too big of a deal that he wants to go back to not talking a lot
dispatch3d Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 well we used to have a LOT of fights. i mean like 1 or 2 each week, it was way too much and that wasnt healthy. we've had our share of fights and we really needed to cut down on that. and we really havent had a fight since the beginning of august and everything was ggoing really good till now. and i told you, this is both of ours first real relationship. my only other relationship was when i was 14, three years ago, for like 3 months, and nothing happened in that relationship so i dont really have any past relationships to look back on. the thing thats worrying me is i want him to talk to me normally! like crack all his stupid jokes, make me laugh, have real conversations, not just say hey watsup, chillin, k ttyl. not just checking in like that like he says hes going to. weve already been through this and it took A LOT from me to convince him to talk to me normally again and i would be able to take his jokes and not get mad at him and he finally did, but i slipped this one time, and hes making it too big of a deal that he wants to go back to not talking a lot Is this around the time of your period? Most girls need to have a fight about something. He should understand that. Tell him not to react at your anger with being angry (this makes things worse). Apologizing for whatever is wrong and then changing the subject is one way that works. He also needs to realize he isn't the center of the universe. Sometimes you will have a bad day and be generally upset. It's perfectly normal for you to want to take this out on him/actually take this out on him. When you are doing that, it's key that he does nothing that is reactive towards you. Part of a boyfriends responsibility is handling your girlfriend when she is angry. He should realize that. He can't date a girl and expect her to always be happy. Obviously unreasonable. He just has to calm you down, find out whats wrong, and be supportive. He should be looking to change your mood, not fix your problem. Explain to him that he can't just be there when things are good and jet if things get bad. You need each others support through both the good times and the bad times. Hope this helps. Other guys should have some suggestions on how to deal with angry women. I know I deal with a ****load of them (haha).
Author nydesii Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 Is this around the time of your period? Most girls need to have a fight about something. He should understand that. Tell him not to react at your anger with being angry (this makes things worse). Apologizing for whatever is wrong and then changing the subject is one way that works. He also needs to realize he isn't the center of the universe. Sometimes you will have a bad day and be generally upset. It's perfectly normal for you to want to take this out on him/actually take this out on him. When you are doing that, it's key that he does nothing that is reactive towards you. Part of a boyfriends responsibility is handling your girlfriend when she is angry. He should realize that. He can't date a girl and expect her to always be happy. Obviously unreasonable. He just has to calm you down, find out whats wrong, and be supportive. He should be looking to change your mood, not fix your problem. Explain to him that he can't just be there when things are good and jet if things get bad. You need each others support through both the good times and the bad times. Hope this helps. Other guys should have some suggestions on how to deal with angry women. I know I deal with a ****load of them (haha). no its not the time of my period. why do girls need to have fights? i dont know if i feel like i need to have a fight but i dont think he would ever understand that. and yeah i tried to do all that. before i asked him why he asked me to rate myself, i told him don't get mad or go off on me. then he told me he was just joking around and saying random things no biggy. and then he said some stuff liek dont you have anything better to do than pick on the **** that comes from my mouth.. and eventually i apologized when i realized i didnt really have to analyze that as much as i did. i gave him the night, tried to talk to him again in the morning, and he was still mad at me. i was having a bad day but i wasnt asking him to sit there and take it while i take my anger out on him. i wasnt angry, just felt kinda down and quieter than my usual self. and wasnt in the mood to take his jokes and stuff. i guess i shouldve told him that i wasnt in the mood in the first place but i didnt. and yeah well he doesnt always handle me well when im not happy. usually the problems i tell him about are my family, my parents, etc. and hes not very fond of them so he usually ends up saying something i didnt wanna hear. but also how do i know if im unhapp TOO much and im always going to him with some kinda problem? sometimes i think that may be the case and who wants to deal with an unhappy gf 24/7. last week too i had a problem with my parents, so i didnt wanna tell him again this week that they were upsetting me again. but okay the real problem here isnt about him dealing with me when im upset, that part is over. my problem now is he wont talk to me the way we did before! we already haddd a point where he would just come check on me and IM me say hey then leave. i didnt likee itt and he told me he was avoiding talking to me online so we would fight less. he told me he cant even be himself and say what he wants because i get mad at everything and pick on everything he says. i didnt want that! and i finally got him to talk to me more again and we actually DIDNT fight cuz i stopped being retarded and getting mad at all his jokes. instead i played along and opened my mind and let him be himself and say whatever he wanted. but i didnt take this one joke and now he wants to start the 'not talking' thing all over again and i realllly dont want that. we were SO happy these past few weeks being ourselves and accepting each other and i dont understand how this one slip-up has got him so worked up. and now idk what to do about it.
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