nama Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I haven't been with a man for a year. I haven't been in a 'proper' relationship for 4 years. I haven't really wanted to be in a relationship for a while now because of things that had happened in the past. I was involved with a married man and took a year out on men to get myself together. Problem: I would love to be in a relationship. I am ready. Not because I need a man, need sex etc but because I want to be with a man. I am an attractive, intelligent, funny woman. I'm 29, I'm thinking of the future, I want something lasting. But I'm sh*t scared. Going out on a date with a man physically scares me. Not because he might hurt me, or he might reject me. I don't know what it is. I'm increasingly isolating myself, putting going out/ going on dating sites/ speed dating etc. I don't know how to break out of this. Please help
a_woman Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I was in a similar situation before but I found that online dating worked for me. Chatting with lots of men and meeting up with some took the pressure off finding 'the one'. your experience would be 100% down to your approach. if you decide to have a good time, meet some potential lovers, maybe make some friends, you will enjoy the banter and the interraction (it has worked for me so far). if you put a lot of pressure on yourself then you won't enjoy it. it sounds to me that you have trouble opening up to people. do you have trouble talking about yourself? internet dating is really good for stuff like that. a coffee with a stranger is good practice to get your extrovert side out more
Author nama Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 I do have problems opening up to men. Four years ago, after I split up with my bf, I went on a lot of (unsuccessful) dates. I guess my heart wasn't in it. Now I'm determined that I'm not just going to sit at home and think about, but do something about it. But then I keep putting it off! I do have trouble talking about myself I guess, I've always been in the habit of ask people about themselves. I guess you hit the nail about attitude. I need to see dating as an adventure rather than a chore or as something that 'needs to be done'.
a_woman Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 precisely. I've been through the 'chore' thoughts myself but I've chosen the light hearted path instead. I want to enjoy talking to people. you can't control how things turn out to be so taking it easy is the best way I think. it is a lot of fun to chat with complete strangers, occasionally I indulge in little fantasies as well just to spice it up and remind myself that it's an adventure
Recommended Posts