Tres Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 (edited) Men always ask me in the first email about what I am looking for. I have problems to explain that because I do not think that it is polite to start to talk in my first email that I am not looking for ONSs or booty calls. I think that if I say so, I would imply that the guy looks like he is looking only for the short-term sex. I do not want to present myself as a woman who thinks negatively about all men. Anyway, most men that I met online behaved in the same way. They did not want to answer my questions, they did not have any questions neither in their emails nor during our meetings. They did not have anything to say about themselves as well as they had no interest/questions for me. They did not want to talk with me, to do smth interesting on dates, to please me in any social/emotional or intellectual way. They wanted only to have sex with me as soon as possible. They also wanted to have sex with me as a FWB without any connection except the small talk. But, I want a guy who is capable of talking with me about himself and his life. But, it is hard to explain without being misunderstood. I do not want to present myself as a looser who no guy wants to talk with, but every guy wants to f...k. I do not really look for a serious BF. All I want, to get some sex and some basic respect from the guy. I do not want any long conversations and I am not clingy at all. I just want the guy was able to be himself as a human being but not as an animal with his sexual instincts. I want to have at least basic emotional and intellectual connection with the guy who I have sex with. Please, can anybody give me advice on how to say in my situation about what I am looking for in a man? Edited August 28, 2010 by Tres
Imajerk17 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 "I am looking to meet some cool people. I'm not really looking for anything serious right now. I hope to meet someone who is ..." You can explain more in your emails, phone calls, or dates to guys who make the cut.
Author Tres Posted August 28, 2010 Author Posted August 28, 2010 "I am looking to meet some cool people. I'm not really looking for anything serious right now. I hope to meet someone who is ..." You can explain more in your emails, phone calls, or dates to guys who make the cut. Thank you. But, I am afraid that for the men who date online the coolest people are those who have sex with everyone preferably on the first date. Does it sound fine or strange to men? How would they understand that? "I hope to meet someone who is not afraid to be himself and who is capable of being personal and talk about himself."
dispatch3d Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 definitely do not say "Not anything serious right now". In guy speak this translates to "I'm kinda slutty and just want a fwb situation". You need to define what you want in guy terms. It sounds like it's still in girl terms. Oh I want an emotional connection etc. but I also don't want anything serious. Look for guys fwb is just sex+whatever else has to be given to get the sex. If you present yourself as someone willing to go for ONS etc. then expect to be treated like that. I think ideally you want to leave things as ambigious as possible. This will make guys think they have to present themselves as worthwhile over some kind of long term while being worthwhile short term as well. something like: "Although I would like to get into something serious right now, I'm not sure if life-wise it's in the cards for me. Don't expect me to just jump in your bed if you're cute or something - it ain't happening! I want the guy who could be my boyfriend eventually if things play out right, but maybe it won't work out no matter how we try." Obviously write this out however you please, but I would mix "Looking for a boyfriend" expectations with "looking with a fwb" expectations. Be aware that the latter will usurp the former quite easily since guys ideal situation is often fwb.
Author Tres Posted August 28, 2010 Author Posted August 28, 2010 In general, I would like to avoid the guys who are shopping online for sex on the first dates with as many as possible easy women. I may just say that I am looking for a serious relationship because it is easy to understand for men. I think that they do not believe in such statements anyway.
dispatch3d Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 In general, I would like to avoid the guys who are shopping online for sex on the first dates with as many as possible easy women. I may just say that I am looking for a serious relationship because it is easy to understand for men. I think that they do not believe in such statements anyway. Wouldn't say that if you actually want a fwb. If you say serious relationship then tell them later I guess that's fine. Just don't tell a fwb that you are in a serious relationship if it's actually a fwb. Basically I think you'll get into major trouble lying about what you are looking for if you let it go too long.
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