naya1 Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 (edited) my bf and i are currently in a long distance relationship, a month ago he just paid for his ticket so he can see me this year. i did not force him to come see me, i told him to do it next year but he wants to see me this year and next year again. he wants to stay in a nice hotel too, and by nice i mean 5 star luxury hotel. i dont really have a preference as long as it is clean and has a tv. anyway we had a fight yesterday about a question, i asked him if he was ok to be in a relationship with someone if the girl only wanted him for sex, and he asked me this in return and i jokingly said "for sure if he was good, why not" then he got all mad cause he said it made it seem i wasnt ready for marriage. it didnt make sense when the question or answer had nothing to do w/ marriage. my question was also targeted for males thats why i asked it to him, and it was just one of those questions u ask cause ur bored. anyway to get to the point, we had a long fight and then he said "oh grow up, i am the one doing more effort here, i pay for sh%it." it just made me burst into tears and make me think that he thinks low of me. i thought also it was very arrogant. i put a lot of effort into our relationship, i am constantly catering to his every whim and i can almost not leave my house unless its for work other than that he gives me a silent treatment if im out. he doesnt want me to get a job anymore and he says he just will support me until we're together then i can work when we're in the same area. i am confused as to how he is, he seems generous to people, but sometimes he tells me stories about how little he thinks of other people who dont work hard to earn their keep and just mooch off (to welfare or inheritance). whenever he says this i understand, but it always seemed arrogant and snobby to me. i havent spoken to him for this day and im thinking about breaking up with him, it will take me a while to make up my mind, but i would greatly appreciate some advice, thanks. what really hurt me was when he said he was paying for stuff, initially, i really would never wanna believe money was an issue to a guy who he earns quite a lot for someone single and has a car that is the size of a barge. ive been crying for 4 hours straight and right now im still in deep pain. Edited August 27, 2010 by naya1
amagordos Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Don't break up with him just yet. Try talking to him once more and wait and see what happens. I can't really tell you though, because I think that in situations like these you have to go with your gut. Do you feel its best if you break up? It sounds like he really offended you, can you get past that? I would be asking myself those questions. Maybe he had a bad day. Talk to him and tell him you want to work things out and if that doesn't work, then you might have to ended. Just don't give up yet.
Cracker Jack Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Yeah, I think you should. You could already see he has a controlling personality based on what you typed. I just thought it was funny how he had made it a point to mention how he handles everything with more effort, yet is fine with supporting you until you two live together. Sounds like someone who's not so nice behind close doors.
Author naya1 Posted August 28, 2010 Author Posted August 28, 2010 @amagordos kind of hard cause i really dont want him to invalidate me by saying "ur too sensitive", what he just said made me realize i cant go to him when i need help. it made me ashamed that i have asked him for help. i really had no one else to turn to and he made it look like it was ok. mind u a lot of other people borrow money from him, people who he isnt even really close to. a girl friend of his asked him for a tv for her bday, and it costs 1200 dollars, he said "i got ya". i havent asked him for that much. i dont plan to. i dont want to ask him for a tv. i was surprised when i saw it on his facebook. @crackerjack yeah hes very controlling. im so depressed right now, and normally he can take away my pain and fears. what happened just changed everything, i no longer see him as someone i can lean on and be with.
TaraMaiden Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Depressed? Ashamed? Wonderful qualities to build on in a relationship!! Ok, turn round, 180 degrees, and start walking. What the hell is in it for you, otherwise? No way somebody's going to throw all that crap at me and still see me there waiting for more of the same, hun...........
Cracker Jack Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 See, I honestly feel sorry for you. Overall, he just seems to be a self-absorbed fool. He also seems to like throwing money around just for the heck of it. I can understand being generous, but seriously. What you saw was a prime example of how he would act once you two would begin living together. Most of this probably went unnoticed due to it being a long-distance relationship. He doesn't want to support you--he just wants to control you. I really hope you don't settle for someone as bad as this. You don't need to.
Author naya1 Posted August 28, 2010 Author Posted August 28, 2010 he can throw it around more now that i am out of his life. it just borderline disgusting when he even dared to whine to me about how he puts more effort cause he pays for everything, then fork 1200 for a girls tv. ur right tara, i dont have anything out of it. i just thought i loved him, and i thought he loved me too. at first i was hurt and now i am just angry. my main concern right now is i want his vayama ticket to be refunded, i will pay him back the money he said he gave me, over the course of 1 year relationship, (its less than 1000, less than that tv hes gonna give his girl friend) . i dont want anything to do with him, he disgusts me.
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