irc333 Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 I was wondering, I'm not sure, but I guess it depends on the woman...I've been some online dating for the past couple of years, emailed quite a few women, been on dates, etc. One time, I was just out with a group with some friends to see a movie....the person who invited brough a female friend with her, and she looked slightly familiar , but couldn't quite place the face, introductions were made, and we hung out afterwards. I'm with match.com...and I get weekly "Matches" sent to me in my email....turns out SHE was one of those matches....I thought I knew her from somewhere, lol. Later on, I'm on Facebook, and I happened to see her on the friends list of the person who hosted our little group outing, and I add her, and gave her a brief identification of who I was, and it was nice meeting her at the movie group. She accepted, and replied back, we talked back and forth getting to know each other, and I happened to mentioned that she looked familiar, and asked her if she was on Match.com And she says, "Yeah, but, I'm not active on that site, too expensive" ..I agreed with her actually, I'm not a paying subscriber either, but I still get the newsletter with "The matches". Then I asked her, "So are you seeing anyone?" And she replies, "I really don't think my love/dating life is ANY of your business." Then she proceeds to remove me from her friends list, and I was like WTF?? LOL Think she was being too paranoid? I told a couple friends about this, and thought, "Well, I wouldn't mention you saw her on a dating site, depending on the woman, it might creep them out." Apparently, it's even border line invasion of privacy...but...it's on the internet, how is it private? Or is it an invasion of Anonimity? Some however, I've landed dates with...no problem. So it depends on the woman I suppose. I guess it might have something to do with knowing more about them just by reading their online ad, than by meeting them face to face in idle chit chat at a group? But, some might see it as a good icebreaker, too? Also, you can land a date with the person, and avoid the pesky montly fee, right? lol But I kind of feel weird after having read a woman's profile, and then happen to bump into her in person,....pretending not to know that she went Mtn Biking in through Europe and how I enjoy Mtn Biking too, it might slip, "So, you went mtn biking through Europe, how was that?" Then she'll wonder "How does he know that?" Here you are, you already KNOW something about the person, esp. if she had quite a lengthly descriptive profile. I feel weird asking, "So what do you look for in a guy" when I already know the answer to that. LOL Anyhow, any clues suggestions, does it just depend on the person? I guess I'm a bit more forward than most people, it's my personality, but I don't see the reason to be so secretive about it.
flying Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 I was wondering, I'm not sure, but I guess it depends on the woman...I've been some online dating for the past couple of years, emailed quite a few women, been on dates, etc. One time, I was just out with a group with some friends to see a movie....the person who invited brough a female friend with her, and she looked slightly familiar , but couldn't quite place the face, introductions were made, and we hung out afterwards. I'm with match.com...and I get weekly "Matches" sent to me in my email....turns out SHE was one of those matches....I thought I knew her from somewhere, lol. Later on, I'm on Facebook, and I happened to see her on the friends list of the person who hosted our little group outing, and I add her, and gave her a brief identification of who I was, and it was nice meeting her at the movie group. She accepted, and replied back, we talked back and forth getting to know each other, and I happened to mentioned that she looked familiar, and asked her if she was on Match.com And she says, "Yeah, but, I'm not active on that site, too expensive" ..I agreed with her actually, I'm not a paying subscriber either, but I still get the newsletter with "The matches". Then I asked her, "So are you seeing anyone?" And she replies, "I really don't think my love/dating life is ANY of your business." Then she proceeds to remove me from her friends list, and I was like WTF?? LOL Think she was being too paranoid? I told a couple friends about this, and thought, "Well, I wouldn't mention you saw her on a dating site, depending on the woman, it might creep them out." Apparently, it's even border line invasion of privacy...but...it's on the internet, how is it private? Or is it an invasion of Anonimity? Some however, I've landed dates with...no problem. So it depends on the woman I suppose. I guess it might have something to do with knowing more about them just by reading their online ad, than by meeting them face to face in idle chit chat at a group? But, some might see it as a good icebreaker, too? Also, you can land a date with the person, and avoid the pesky montly fee, right? lol But I kind of feel weird after having read a woman's profile, and then happen to bump into her in person,....pretending not to know that she went Mtn Biking in through Europe and how I enjoy Mtn Biking too, it might slip, "So, you went mtn biking through Europe, how was that?" Then she'll wonder "How does he know that?" Here you are, you already KNOW something about the person, esp. if she had quite a lengthly descriptive profile. I feel weird asking, "So what do you look for in a guy" when I already know the answer to that. LOL Anyhow, any clues suggestions, does it just depend on the person? I guess I'm a bit more forward than most people, it's my personality, but I don't see the reason to be so secretive about it. I think she was unnecessarily rude. I mean, I can understand being taken aback and kind of weirded out - it IS kind of weird to have worlds collide like that. But IMO there was no call for her to act so offended - you put yourself out there, you're accepting that it's a possibility. This did happen to me - back when I was doing online dating, a colleague that I knew only slightly said he'd seen me online. I didn't quite know what to say, because to be honest I didn't want to date him, and the way he asked me about it left his intentions ambiguous. And after all, the one thing that being on a dating site tells people is "I'm looking." So I suppose it puts the person in the uncomfortable position of wondering if they should say, yes, I'm looking, but I'm not interested in you. Still, rudeness is just completely uncalled for. It happens, it's not anyone's fault or anything.
lso802 Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 I don't think you did anything wrong. She was probably embarrassed about using a dating site. Some are.
Author irc333 Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 I don't think you did anything wrong. She was probably embarrassed about using a dating site. Some are. Maybe, in the internet of the 90's yeah....but there's no "hiding" from anyone these days. I've seen the SAME person on FB, Myspace, all dating sites, and in real life...I find that worlds are colliding even more frequently with tweets, social networking abundant these days. Some friends have suggested, "Maybe you should leave out any mention that you saw them online somewhere, and just ask them out." But, I figure "Why hide it?" Some have mentioned that women are MORE particurely image conscious than men are....I've seen ads where women state, "My friends talked me into doing this" or "I've never done this before". Or they try to make it look like they're "not looking" when they ARE looking.
chancellor Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 She was definitely rude but your question was also a bit out of line.
Author irc333 Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 She was definitely rude but your question was also a bit out of line. How so? I was basically asking if she was still available...it was actually respectable in a sense....better to make sure, right?
chancellor Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 How so? I was basically asking if she was still available...it was actually respectable in a sense....better to make sure, right? How so? Well, look at the answer you got... Personally, I don't think it's proper etiquette to ask people about their personal situation. It's something they will volunteer in due time.
Author irc333 Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 How so? Well, look at the answer you got... Personally, I don't think it's proper etiquette to ask people about their personal situation. It's something they will volunteer in due time. Well, I think it's just common sense to ask someone if they're unattached, if you're interested in possibly pursuing something with them. Or...another alternative would be just to ask them out, then they'd be forced into volunteering the info.
flying Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Well, I think it's just common sense to ask someone if they're unattached, if you're interested in possibly pursuing something with them. Or...another alternative would be just to ask them out, then they'd be forced into volunteering the info. Yeah, to be honest I think you'd have a better chance of success if you just didn't bring up the online dating thing. Again, I don't think that's an excuse for her being a jerk, but the fact is some people will react badly. Why risk it? You could just look at it as, you happened to have some inside information - put it to good use!
Author irc333 Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 Yeah, to be honest I think you'd have a better chance of success if you just didn't bring up the online dating thing. Again, I don't think that's an excuse for her being a jerk, but the fact is some people will react badly. Why risk it? You could just look at it as, you happened to have some inside information - put it to good use! Meh, you might be right, it's typically 50/50....some don't mind at all, the other 50% might mind.
and.then.some Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Seriously, I think it's best to be upfront and honest about those types of things. When you're not forthcoming and the truth slips out, it really does seem like you're hiding something or being dishonest (or stalking). This didn't happen with a dating site, but a guy once slipped up a few times giving away things he pretended not to know about me. And, yeah, it was really weird. Not sure if it was just me, I polled my friends and they thought it was pretty creepy too. e.g. You saw me a week ago with my dog, but in trying to play it cool you act surprised when I say I have a dog. Five minutes later you comment on how well trained my dog was. wtf? You act surprised when I tell you what type of phone I have, only to comment on my phone's wallpaper being really cool a little later on. LOL He did this 3 times during a 5 minute conversation... It was special. The general consensus was "He's a weirdo! Run away!" People who are pretty forward do better with other people who are forward, IMO. I wouldn't worry so much about those who have a problem with openness. Also, I think the person's level of interest probably has a lot to do with how much they mind. I've had people tell me that they see me around a lot. Considering I've never seen/noticed them around, it made me slightly uncomfortable. LOL However, if they were all really hott guys I would have been pleased they took notice, and thought "I should wear sweats less often! You never know who's looking!"
meerkat stew Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 She's an idiot. You did nothing wrong, and nothing at all wrong with asking a woman her dating status. How are men to know whom to ask out otherwise? Betcha she's having an affair with a married man, screwing her boss or cheating on an existing SO, that would explain her over the top reaction.
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