Ladies, what made you settle?

[Imajerk17]

Hey,

 

I am new to the forum here. One thing I have noticed from reading the posts on here is that there are several of you women on here who are smart, self-aware, and physically attractive, AND who have been in relationships with guys who don't have nearly as much going for them as you do.

 

--Guys who are potheads with limited social skills, no money, and no ambition.

 

--Guys whom you are not at all attracted to, at least physically, and who don't seem to have much else going for them.

 

--Guys who aren't nearly as smart as you.

 

And yet you've stayed in relationships with these guys for a while. How did you meet these guys, and how did you end up in a relationship them in the first place?

 

It is kind of baffling. I mean, from your avatars, I'm positive you're getting plenty of male attention. Especially if you do online dating. Surely y'all can find someone more appropriate who would treat you well, no?

Edited August 27, 2010 by Imajerk17

[Mad Max]

Just because they're intelligent, educated, and have a lot going for them doesn't mean they're high quality women. No high quality woman is going to choose one of the guys you mentioned.

[AverageJoe]

I'll bite.

 

Many women go into a relationship already knowing what they are getting into, some may not. Once they get into it they think they can change the behavior of such men with persuasion, threats or a magic vagina. Once they realize they cant, they complain about it.

 

Look at the many threads here that say; I cant believe he treated me this way.

They suspected it, they just didnt want to think it would happen to them.

[meerkat stew]

Not a woman, but know the answer.

 

Most of them never say they aren't attracted to their loser SO, that's the only sentence in your OP I disagree with. Removing that, the answer becomes simple, and it's the same as the answer to "why do men put up with BS from good looking women?"

 

The women in question stick with them and put up with their BS because the men in question are good looking, tall, well-built, handsome or all three, and the fact that I am stating that they rationalize otherwise is not going to keep them from coming into this thread and rationalizing away. Watch.

 

Now If one comes in saying, "My loser boyfriend was 5'7" with a 44" waist and chronic psoriasis," pay attention to that one, she may have other reasons than looks. Almost all the rest of them are lying if they say it wasn't looks that kept them hanging around.

[caramel c]

Just because they're intelligent, educated, and have a lot going for them doesn't mean they're high quality women. No high quality woman is going to choose one of the guys you mentioned.

 

Take it from this man.

[Mad Max]

Jut want to add that some of the most beautiful women also have some of the lowest self-esteem. You'd have to have low self-esteem to stay with someone that is a pothead, a serial cheater, or some other type of scum.

 

 

And Stew's post is spot on. Most will put up with it if the guy is good looking. They can deny it all they want, their actions say otherwise. And yes, men do it too. Many men will put up with a woman's BS if she's hot.

[caramel c]

Also, some girls just don't want to be single. They'd rather date the first guy that gives them any attention after their last relationship ended. It doesn't matter what he's like, because he's next in line.

[Mad Max]

Also, some girls just don't want to be single. They'd rather date the first guy that gives them any attention after their last relationship ended. It doesn't matter what he's like, because he's next in line.

 

 

I know a girl like that. Granted she's a lesbian and the situation is a bit different, but the concept is basically the same. She breaks up with her girlfriend, get back together not long after. Break up over something stupid, get back together. It's the fact that some simply can't be single for any amount of time.

 

 

I'd have to say I'd be pretty insulted if a girl wanted to be with me simply because I was the first guy she saw.

[CLC2008]

Hey,

 

I am new to the forum here. One thing I have noticed from reading the posts on here is that there are several of you women on here who are smart, self-aware, and physically attractive, AND who have been in relationships with guys who don't have nearly as much going for them as you do.

 

--Guys who are potheads with limited social skills, no money, and no ambition.

 

--Guys whom you are not at all attracted to, at least physically, and who don't seem to have much else going for them.

 

--Guys who aren't nearly as smart as you.

 

And yet you've stayed in relationships with these guys for a while. How did you meet these guys, and how did you end up in a relationship them in the first place?

 

It is kind of baffling. I mean, from your avatars, I'm positive you're getting plenty of male attention. Especially if you do online dating. Surely y'all can find someone more appropriate who would treat you well, no?

 

How did you assess this list exactly?

[caramel c]

I know a girl like that. Granted she's a lesbian and the situation is a bit different, but the concept is basically the same. She breaks up with her girlfriend, get back together not long after. Break up over something stupid, get back together. It's the fact that some simply can't be single for any amount of time.

 

 

I'd have to say I'd be pretty insulted if a girl wanted to be with me simply because I was the first guy she saw.

 

I'm sure you would be insulted but she'd never tell you that. You'd have to figure it out on your own to really know.

[Mad Max]

I'm sure you would be insulted but she'd never tell you that. You'd have to figure it out on your own to really know.

 

 

Of course she'd never tell me, but her true colors would show at some point.

[caramel c]

Of course she'd never tell me, but her true colors would show at some point.

 

Yes, they sure would.

[TuesGirl]

'F' it...I'll bite...Second string is in the game right now, so the game just got boring...

 

I was in one of these relationships with my ex fiance (broke up for 5 years now) and I can only honestly answer this after about, hmm, 5 years of reflection We were together for 6 years total. Met in our early 20s. Met in a bar. New Year's Eve. Talk about some cliche *****!haha At the time, he was cute, was a badass skier, and single. At that time, I was cute, semi-badass skier, and single. Our relationship consisted of skiing, working and going out til the bars closed. Awesome for about 2.5 years.

 

Then I decided to 'grow up' and go to grad school, which meant I moved 3 hours away. He decided he wanted to go to school too (no previous post secondary schooling) and moved with me. This is when the problems started and we started to really grow apart in terms of our ambitions, and what we wanted in life. Slowly, but building momentum over the next 3 years.

 

Why did I stay? As ridiculous as it sounds NOW, at the time I thought, "well I've invested this much time already, might as well see it through" and the old, "Every relationship has it's issues...". THANK God he cheated on me. Seriously. (Of course at the time I was devastated, but now...holy cow, talk about dodging a bullet). He still hasn't done much with his life. And well, I have. So much in fact that I don't even recognize the person I was when I was with him and I doubt he would either. I chalk it up to a learning experience. And it won't happen again

 

And yes, he fit all of the yucky things that the OP bulleted.

[CLC2008]

'F' it...I'll bite...Second string is in the game right now, so the game just got boring...

 

I was in one of these relationships with my ex fiance (broke up for 5 years now) and I can only honestly answer this after about, hmm, 5 years of reflection We were together for 6 years total. Met in our early 20s. Met in a bar. New Year's Eve. Talk about some cliche *****!haha At the time, he was cute, was a badass skier, and single. At that time, I was cute, semi-badass skier, and single. Our relationship consisted of skiing, working and going out til the bars closed. Awesome for about 2.5 years.

 

Then I decided to 'grow up' and go to grad school, which meant I moved 3 hours away. He decided he wanted to go to school too (no previous post secondary schooling) and moved with me. This is when the problems started and we started to really grow apart in terms of our ambitions, and what we wanted in life. Slowly, but building momentum over the next 3 years.

 

Why did I stay? As ridiculous as it sounds NOW, at the time I thought, "well I've invested this much time already, might as well see it through" and the old, "Every relationship has it's issues...". THANK God he cheated on me. Seriously. (Of course at the time I was devastated, but now...holy cow, talk about dodging a bullet). He still hasn't done much with his life. And well, I have. So much in fact that I don't even recognize the person I was when I was with him and I doubt he would either. I chalk it up to a learning experience. And it won't happen again

 

And yes, he fit all of the yucky things that the OP bulleted.

 

Woah. Your background with your ex was pretty similar to mine, except, I was a bit older then you were at the time, and he was none of the things listed in the OP's bullet list. Though, he did drink beer a little too much for my liking which we'd argue about at times and a few other things that caused conflicts.

[mr.dream merchant]

I just experienced it. Some chick stop talking to me to get back with her ex who cheated on her, isn't in shape, and etc. Me, on the other hand, kept is 100% with her, am in good shape, have alot going for me, but she decided to go with the former. My guess is she's either dumb, or dumb lol.

[NYCGirly]

I will be single forever before I settle again. I've done the "settling" thing and I was more miserable having compromised myself to be in the relationship than I was single. I will NEVER do that again....

[kalikula]

OK...

 

First relationship (ever) at 19, I settled for a guy that I wasn't so attracted to because we had great conversation/lots in common. Plus I wanted the companionship and to be in a relationship, and I wasn't used to getting male attention. I also settled because he was sort of a user/sponge and I basically took care of him LOL fail.

 

Second relationship with my ex like a year later: He was also sponge-like, a user. He was cuter (still not that cute) but tall, great in bed, the sweetest guy ever, probably would have married me if I wanted to. I sort of saw it as (sorry to him) a good rebound relationship to get over my first ex.

 

Since then I haven't settled but just also haven't found a guy up to my standards, so I haven't been in a relationship since!! (Just about a year now I guess). I haven't found someone whose hot, has **** together- a job or in college, a car etc., enough in common, lives close enough that wants to be in a relationship with me. Most of the guys I meet in my college town just want to hook up, and the ones that want a relationship usually just aren't my type, not cute enough, etc.

[carhill]

Hey OP, welcome to LS. Nice handle

 

Stbx settled 'cause she thought my mom was loaded