biermadchen Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Sorry to rush, but here's the deal: Got a guy friend I've known for several years, in the last few months have gotten closer. Admittedly, pretty much every time we've been around each other, I've been involved with someone else, but always liked him. On his part, he's always been very courtly and special toward me. Now, I'm single and it started to seem like we were getting closer, but the other night something happened (no, not that...) that was so intimate or something, I don't know, and I felt kind of blown away. Now I haven't heard from him in like four days (not the norm) and I'm sitting here trying to act like everything's "normal" and actually texted a couple of times for transactional stuff ("hey, u comin' to bowling nite" that sorta thing). Am I a girl now and shouldn't text or call him? I've been picturing different scenarios for his sudden radio silence: A) omg, NOW what do I do, she'll be up my butt; B) omg, NOW what do I do, this is too intense; C) omg, she can't POSSIBLY really like me and is just using me; D) omg, I am/She is such a dork...and the crux of it is, if there IS something going on, it could be so cool, but if there's not, I don't want to lose a friend I care very much about...any ideas? What could be this mysterious SILENCE? Should I say something when/if I see him? Should I just be like the friend I've always been?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Instead of both of you playing the same game of: "That was awesome, but how do I get him/her to keep as at least as close as we've always been while also wanting to enhance 'us' like that again"... Why don't you bravely go to him (face to face) and express exactly how you would like the relationship to progress. If he's your long time pal you will be allowed to express yourself (no matter how he feels)... and then fall back into line friendship-wise in time. It's time to take your chances in a scenario where things are leaning your way.
saiveca Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I think when we're dealing with a guy friend, the usual rules are off. Since you've known him for so long, I think you've got the best perspective on this.
Author biermadchen Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 well, it's like I do and I don't...I know what he's like as a "friend" but I don't know what he's like as a "guy." And I know that ideally, he should be the same either way, but this disappearance is so weird. Admittedly, I needed a couple of days to get over the daze I was left in after feeling like we got so close, so I can understand if that's the case. And I know I should speak with him about it one way or the other, but I guess I'm impatient because I haven't had the chance. My gut feeling is that either way, it'll work out all right because you're right, we ARE friends. But, I was so overwhelmed with the possibilities that were presented that I can't stop thinking about it (like some dorky kid!). I feel like he felt overwhelmed too...how much time should I give this before I press him into communicating with me?
phineas Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 It would help if you told us exactly what happened between you two that was intimate.
Author biermadchen Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 It would help if you told us exactly what happened between you two that was intimate. Well, you're going to laugh because it's so hard to verbalize and not anything patently physical. Honestly, it was just that feeling of letting our guard down and feeling completely at ease in doing/saying whatever occurred to us and we just lay there talking and laughing and very naturally and easily snuggled (which we had never done) and fit perfectly and all that stuff. While talking/laughing, he marveled at how I "get it" when he says or does stuff that seemingly scares or puts off other women he's known. Meanwhile, I was delighted at the energy and passion with which he expressed himself (obviously, we've both been in bad, unsatisfying relationships). It was like he was letting me "in" completely but caught himself, because he even said he's not used to having anyone in his den. I mean, it was like it almost would've been better if we'd had sex because then at least we could write it off as the drinking or the late nite...but the intense intimacy was extremely overwhelming. Like we went into overdrive and briefly entered this place where finally, blissfully, amazingly, everything was right because there was someone else on the planet who "gets it." The next day, everything felt shifted, and we found ourselves talking about exes and what didn't work out and I thought to myself, I recognize this conversation, we're talking like we're thinking of each other in terms of potential partner...weird. And I know we did both want to do "more" but we both held back because I don't think it's just about that. Which of course, is why I'm weirded out by the total radio silence. I mean, the whole thing left me blown away, but after a couple of days I felt more back to normal, and now I'm just kind of wondering, so are we still doing what we planned to do this weekend? I just want to either stay friends or decide what's up, but this limbo is just so...empty.
amagordos Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Talk to him, tell him how you feel. If you have feelings for him, and you tell him how you feel, the worse thing that could happen is that he doesn't reciprocate them and that's not so bad because no matter what he will still be your friend. You guys already care about each other, and it seems like you have stronger feelings than you thought. If he is not calling or seeing you, you do surprise him and catch him off guard.
Author biermadchen Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 I guess I have always been with someone else while we've known each other (in fact, the last guy I dated didn't really even stand a chance--one night I was literally in tears because I wished I could be with my friend instead...), so I don't know if he just feels like you snooze you lose, but I feel like I've made it pretty clear that I like him. But just a few weeks ago, when I was hoping for a chance to be perfectly clear, we had an awkward time when everyone (his friends) were assuming we were together and kind of laying it on thick (I think they would like for us to be together--they've seen us interact and feel like we would match). But, they were laying it on kind of thick, and it felt embarrassing and constricting, and so we kind of stayed away from each other for a while. I honestly thought we never would the same again... Then, this past weekend, we hung out again, just like before, it was great, no awkwardness, just the sweetness and the fun and the compenetration and the connection. It just felt so nice, so right. Now I know I will not hear from him for several days, but I'm not feeling sad or anxious like I used to, but I AM still confused as to why we both seem to blow so hot and cold when it feels so RIGHT and nothing else does? I'm sensing that with his personality, it wouldn't do to pressure him into a conversation; it's like I do understand and accept a lot about him, but I also sense that there is SOMEthing happening here that is worth waiting for?
Recommended Posts