LouBea Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 My friend told me that he wanted to explore taking our friendship to the next level. We have been friends for a long period of time. About 10 years ago, I told him that I had feelings for him and he shot me down. It took me years to get over that. We went through a long period of time not talking to eachother. I moved cross country and did my thing for awhile. He found me online and we re-connected. We went on a trip to CA one year and I thought he was acting strange. I had just gotten out of a rotten relationship and was in no mood to date anyone. So, he found a girlfriend, moved away and didnt even tell me goodbye. Come to day, he was living in another state when he approached this with me. I told him that I would but that I would like to talk about it some before we got into it to make sure it was what we both wanted. Well, now he's back and it's been rocky. There is a weirdness. We went out one night and had a blast, and it confirmed to me all the reason why I loved him so many years ago. We snuggled some but nothing happened physically. Now, he's not sure as to what he wants to do about us, because he doens't want to ruin our friendship. UGH. So frustrating. Just when I got used to the idea of him being in my life like that, he's freaking. I know he's the man for me. I've known for years. What does one do?
saiveca Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 It's not easy switching from being real friends to lovers. People may disagree but I think getting intimate with him, if only a couple of times, will give you the answer you're looking for.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I disagree with the above post. You go about what you have been doing all these years since he'd turned you down- you move on and date other people. It's not you, it's him. He's indecisive about what he wants and when presented with the chance to be with you, he chose to run away. He didn't give any thoughts about you, it's always him, him, him. You didn't even do anything to him, he was the one that initiated contact, he was the one that suggested dating. So if anything, if he ever does come back, do expect him to do a good amount of begging before you decide to give a chance.
kalikula Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 In my opinion, he's NOT the man for you because he isn't sure if he wants you. You need to meet someone who will be just as crazy about you as you are about him. You don't want a guy that's so wishy washy. Your relationship would probably crash and burn. Leave it.
biermadchen Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Omg, I can't believe it...I just posted a very similar question! I sure as heck don't know what to think...it's almost the exact same thing though (you don't think it's the same guy, lol). It's like it feels that he's nervous or shy and doesn't want to ruin the friendship but he can't seem to want more. I do agree with kalikula above, tho, you definitely want someone who WANTS you (and, for that matter, so do I). But it's hard to let go of that image of someone who's so perfectly compatible as a friend. Do you know what he's like as a guy? I mean, I'm sure we're probably different as "girls" than we are as "friends," right? But it sounds like you guys had an amazing night...who wouldn't want to keep that going...are you at least hearing from him?
Author LouBea Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Thank you for the replies everyone. He told me that he's known for years that I was the girl for him. And that he's finally given in to all the signs that life has told him about me, or something like that. But then once he moved back, things were different immediately. And yes I do talk to him almost daily. He said he's not sure what to do about me, he doesn't want to ruin our friendship, but I'm the only girl. Sometimes I wonder if this weirdness is damaging it as well. Dinner tonight should be interesting.
saiveca Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I think there are legitimate situations where you really don't want to ruin a friendship. Most relationships have an expiry date and when you have a good friendship you may want to think twice before changing the relationship.
Author LouBea Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Thank you for the replies. He told me that he's finally going to give in to the signs he's had all these years that he's been ignoring about me. But the day he moved back, it was weird. maybe a fantasy, I don't know. But I don't want to be with someone that isn't sure they want to be with me. In his heart he says is me. But he's afraid to ruin the friendship. I think that all this weirdness isn't good either.
saiveca Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Thank you for the replies. He told me that he's finally going to give in to the signs he's had all these years that he's been ignoring about me. But the day he moved back, it was weird. maybe a fantasy, I don't know. But I don't want to be with someone that isn't sure they want to be with me. In his heart he says is me. But he's afraid to ruin the friendship. I think that all this weirdness isn't good either. I certainly wouldn't take it that way. When people care, it's normal for them to be afraid. If the guy were a stranger, I'd tell you to move on. But he truly is a friend, I think this isn't unusual.
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