I dont know ...

[Ruthybaby]

I'm not sure where to post this...

 

I Have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. He Lives in Libya, I live in the UK, I go over to him every other month, for a month at a time.

 

So last night, we were talking on MSN.

He was staying in his University Dorm in Libya and something had happend.

He blurted out to me that A girl, a friend... Knocked on his door at 4am, He opened the door, she pushed him and took off her clothes. (that was the original story) I pushed and pushed and pushed, I asked him had she kissed him, he said yes. I asked had he kissed her, he said no. Again i pushed and pushed. So he said "i cant do this.. I did kiss her, it was for 2 seconds and you were the only thing that ran through my mind. I regretted it instantly". He told me, She knocked on the door at 4am, he opened it and she pushed him in and started kissing him. She then took off her robe, started kissing him again, and at that point he kissed her back. He said he quickly pulled away, threw her clothes at her and told her to get out. He closed the door behind her, sat on his bed and cried, then text me telling me how much he loves me etc..

 

This was 2 days ago and he told me about it this morning Via MSN. After he told me that, I signed out. I had an offline message off him saying "Im so sorry baby, i dont know what ive done. Im such an idiot and ive been so stupid. Ive never regretted something so much in my life and im terrified i will loose you. But we've never kept secrets from each other and i don't plan to start now. I got caught in a moment of madness, and when she was standing there naked throwing herself at me, i lost sight. It really was just a moment of madness. I love you more than anything in this world... And i always will. I hope you wont finish with me because you are my world... "

 

I love him to pieces and i cant really describe how i feel.

I cant say im angry with him, hes 18 years old and shes very pretty (most guys in that situation would have done the same ..and more!). I know how easy things like this can happen.

And I do believe that it was just a kiss due to the culture there.

Im also relieved in a sense, That even if he did slip up, he stopped himself and pushed her away. Which can be equally as hard to do once you've already started!

The other thing i thought about was, Nobody knew, nobody saw, he could have lied to me and i'd have never have found out. but he chose to be honest, and I respect him in some ways for that.

 

Im angrier with her than I am him, She pretended to be my friend, and then went and did that. How dare she

 

Anyway, Basically, What would you do??

I need to know what actions you would take, I want to be with him, and i believe everyone is entitled to one mistake.

I want him to know I'm not a doormat and wont take any **** like this again, And at the same time, i want him to be scared of losing me. What do i do???

Edited August 26, 2010 by Ruthybaby

[Ruthybaby]

15 views and not one ****ing reply.

this site is a load of ****.

[MrNate]

Relax babe.

 

Have you considered that a LDR might not be the best thing at the moment? How often do you guys see each other? Physical interaction is huge, especially for guys, who are literally soaked in testosterone.

[Ruthybaby]

Im new to this site so i dont know what an LDR is! lol

[MrNate]

Im new to this site so i dont know what an LDR is! lol

 

Long distance relationship

[kickintheaz]

Ruthybaby..

 

sorry to hear this happened..

 

as to the replies, look its a US based site and most people won't be on until later... plus in this section ya may not find a huge amount of help... maybe you meant to post in the cheating section?

 

theres a breaking up and reconciliation section where the guys give phenomenal insight into situations like yours, also theres a long distance relationship section with people in similar situations..

Perhaps starting in one of these 2 latter ones may yield you some good advice.

 

I am no expert in LDR's.. at all!... and as to cheating on partners, well I've been that guy (and I'm a LOT older than you're boyf)..

 

He was honest and he possibly IS full or remorse..

or he may be concealing some of the truth.... we don't know...

 

But i guess its down to what you want from the relationship now, what you want from him, is it worth staying in the relationship now for you, can you rebuild trust with him and I guess with that comes the factors of how long more you will be apart.

 

Its not gonna be a quick fix overnight, whatever you think or whatever he thinks.. these things take time to bounce back from. I will say, just to be prepared IN CASE something more of the story starts to come out...

 

this may have happened exactly as he said, or it may be the tip of a bigger iceberg...

 

and please don't dismiss this site just yet.. it has helped and IS helping tonnes of people.. believe me, you will find no better forum online for relationship discussions, just bear in mind the time zone differences of where we are versus the majority of the posters...

[Ruthybaby]

Oh wait im following.

Yeah. Weve almost been together a year, we see each other every 3 weeks... and i tend to stay over there a month or so. Ive only just come back and going again in 2 weeks!

We work well, and nothing like this has ever happend before. ever.

 

We are great together, Like i said, his original story wasnt the truth... and i got the rest out of him.. and given the COUNTRY itself.. im pretty sure nothing will have happend, (she and he could face legal presecution or execution)

He said it happend so quick...

I love him, I want to be with him. Let me give you some insight to our relationship, after next year, he will be living in the UK. He will be studying here.

Nothing like this has ever happend before.. hes always been faithful.. and this girl is a very attractive girl, Its almost happend to me before but i pulled away instantly. So i know how easy it is to happen.

I DO want to be with him. i want to fix us. Ill be going back in 2 weeks and will discuss everything with him. But for now what i wanna know is, what do i do? do i text him? call him? what do i say if so.. do i play it cool...

HELP!

 

Yeh sorry, Im seriously stressed out today... I feel a complete wreck and empty inside. Ive pretty much slept all day and im feeling pretty angry so.. do apologise. x

Edited August 26, 2010 by Ruthybaby

[kickintheaz]

Oh wait im following.

Yeah. Weve almost been together a year, we see each other every 3 weeks... and i tend to stay over there a month or so. Ive only just come back and going again in 2 weeks!

We work well, and nothing like this has ever happend before. ever.

 

We are great together, Like i said, his original story wasnt the truth... and i got the rest out of him.. and given the COUNTRY itself.. im pretty sure nothing will have happend, (she and he could face legal presecution or execution)

He said it happend so quick...

I love him, I want to be with him. Let me give you some insight to our relationship, after next year, he will be living in the UK. He will be studying here.

Nothing like this has ever happend before.. hes always been faithful.. and this girl is a very attractive girl, Its almost happend to me before but i pulled away instantly. So i know how easy it is to happen.

I DO want to be with him. i want to fix us. Ill be going back in 2 weeks and will discuss everything with him. But for now what i wanna know is, what do i do? do i text him? call him? what do i say if so.. do i play it cool...

HELP!

 

Yeh sorry, Im seriously stressed out today... I feel a complete wreck and empty inside. Ive pretty much slept all day and im feeling pretty angry so.. do apologise. x

 

of course you're stressed and upset, jeez ya'd wanna be a robot not to be...

 

right first off, no excuses for him.. it doesn't matter if he the whole swedish bikini model volleyball playing team walked into his room, he is in a committed (by the sounds of it) relationship with YOU!..

 

so end those excuses.. and lets focus on you.

 

So, you seem to work pretty well with the seeing each other, and quite frequently which is good..

 

as to the contact, ok I'd maybe take a bit of time, just to relax, calm down, order your thoughts.. you'll probably want to discuss some of this with him before you go back or it will eat away at you, but not in your present frame of mind.. (remember things said in the heat of a stressful argument may be regretted laters)...

 

It boils down to the fact, he broke your trust.... simple as....

 

There is something in that that needs looking into. 'She was hot and naked' is not an excuse... is there an underlying issue that ye guys haven't addressed, or indeed one from him that you don't know about? He needs to understand WHY he did what he did... without just blaming hormones..

 

can you rebuild your trust in him? it will take time? I would certainly not be going back over there with him expecting, because ye had a chat or two on the phone that everything is ok.. he needs to WORK to earn your trust back and that m'dear takes actions not words...

 

so, this girl, will he see her all the time, is she still in the same dorm, whats to say she won't knock on his door again? theres a few issues there that need looking into... to give YOU peace of mind...

 

its great he'll be back over in a year or so, but thats still a long time away, so can you survive this length of time again.

 

its a minefield of trying to understand why it happened, what needs to be done to fix it, and how you rebuild trust again.

 

OR, there is the alternate and that is sit down and really really ask yourself is this worth it? Would it not be better to cut ties and who knows down the road what'll happen, you're both young, can ye move on with your lives now and if it comes to be when he is back in the UK then so be it...

 

thats the flip side of this coin...

 

but back to original question, I'd take time before calling him and btw, this HAS to be done at least via phone call, not msn, txt, f/b chat or smoke signals....

 

so try relax, have a look through a few LDR stories here.. and cheating stories, its amazing how someone elses tale can hit home with your own!....

[CLC2008]

I agree with the zebra.

 

I think you would get better responses in the cheating section...

 

Sorry this happened to you. GL.

[Ruthybaby]

Ive thought about it. Even though hes done what hes done, its not once crossed my mind that i dont want to be with him. I do.

He is worth it.

Like youve said he has broken my trust, The only thing i can think of to do is just head out there earlier than expected to talk. calling hiim wont really do the trick for me, I want to see his face, i want to know if he looks sorry.

Im not making excuses for him, excuses wont change the fact he has done it. But when i really think about it, he did tell me, and there was no need. he could have gotten away with it.

 

I just need to get ****faced right about now.. talk serious tomorrow! lol x

[CLC2008]

Ive thought about it. Even though hes done what hes done, its not once crossed my mind that i dont want to be with him. I do.

He is worth it.

Like youve said he has broken my trust, The only thing i can think of to do is just head out there earlier than expected to talk. calling hiim wont really do the trick for me, I want to see his face, i want to know if he looks sorry.

Im not making excuses for him, excuses wont change the fact he has done it. But when i really think about it, he did tell me, and there was no need. he could have gotten away with it.

 

I just need to get ****faced right about now.. talk serious tomorrow! lol x

 

I don't dispute that he may feel sorry for what he's done, but, what I would dispute if I were in your shoes is a girl going over to where he resides at 4am in the morning and they end up kissing. I'm sure dorm life is different, but people don't generally stroll over to someone's house at 4am in the morning wearing a robe and then "oops", they end up naked in their house and end up kissing.

[Ruthybaby]

Have u met some of the Libyan women??? i tell you, they are worse than UK girls times ten!!!

shes been trying her luck with him for a while, this would have just been her opportunity.

Usually the men and women have seperate dorms, but this weekend, for a particular event, they didnt.

[CLC2008]

Have u met some of the Libyan women??? i tell you, they are worse than UK girls times ten!!!

shes been trying her luck with him for a while, this would have just been her opportunity.

Usually the men and women have seperate dorms, but this weekend, for a particular event, they didnt.

 

No, I generally don't come across many Libyan women throughout the course of my day.

[Ruthybaby]

well let me tell you, they are little sluts!!

[CLC2008]

well let me tell you, they are little sluts!!

 

Okay.

 

Well, your boyfriend didn't have to let her into his dorm room at 4:00am either.

[Ruthybaby]

he didnt know it was her!

 

Remember what hes done is already done.

Im asking. If you were getting back with him, how would you play it?

Edited August 26, 2010 by Ruthybaby

[CLC2008]

I don't buy it but I am not the one who needs to be convinced. So, I'm not sure what type of advice you are otherwise seeking.

[Ruthybaby]

Im not sure if i buy it yet. But i do want to be with him and i will atleast try to discuss it with him like mature adults.

I cant to that until i am there with him which will now be next week if i go.

What i am asking, Is, if you were in my situation, thinking of getting back with someone, how would you play it? would you not speak to them.. discuss the matter, send him on a guilt trip.. what? ive got about a week to kill.. and i want to teach him a lesson. I want him to know im NOT a doormat and this will be the first and last time i tolerate this ****.

[CLC2008]

Im not sure if i buy it yet. But i do want to be with him and i will atleast try to discuss it with him like mature adults.

I cant to that until i am there with him which will now be next week if i go.

What i am asking, Is, if you were in my situation, thinking of getting back with someone, how would you play it? would you not speak to them.. discuss the matter, send him on a guilt trip.. what? ive got about a week to kill.. and i want to teach him a lesson. I want him to know im NOT a doormat and this will be the first and last time i tolerate this ****.

 

Okay well that is a choice you need to make yourself, whether or not you believe what it is that he has told you. Regardless, he did in fact cheat, though he did say he stopped it in time before anything physical further transpired. And again, that is something you are going to have to decide is truthful or not.

 

Lastly, trust was broken and that has to be mended.

[Ruthybaby]

well i guess ill never know if hes telling me the truth or not.

Trust has been broken... But he is worth fixing it.

All i want to know is, what do i do? i want to be with him...

how do i play it...

cool...

speak to him....

?????