Confusedalways Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I'm really not sure if this is a post for advice or more of a post that I need to vent to some people that can understand. Every one of my female friends [no exaggeration] is in a very happy relationship either living with their significant other, engaged, or very recently split up. It's becoming really tiring hearing the "you'll find someone" and "it just happens" and "pursue your own interests, you're bound to find someone!" Don't get me wrong-- I'm not like waking up every morning wanting to throw myself in city traffic and go about my day all jaded, depressed and unhappy. I really don't give off a bad vibe, or so I'm told. I am genuinely happy for all of my friends, but it's becoming really difficult to be the 5th, 7th, 9th, and 11th wheel ALL the time. I think it's nice that everyone wants to include me in the plans and I do usually go if not to look bitter, but it's really sad being the only one to go home alone at the end of the night. I guess this post is a result of yesterday 2 more of my friends becoming engaged, today 2 more of my friends have decided to move in together across the country. I have a few guys that are interested in me, but I don't feel anything for any of them, and a lot of my friends try to convince me to 'give them another shot' and "I'm too picky," etc. I don't think I'm ugly. I know I'm smart. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I guess this is more of a rant than anything. Please tell me someone understands, or there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm really not feeling good about the dating scene tonight.
meerkat stew Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Hey look at the bright side, the quicker all your friends get married, the more delicious schadenfreude you get to feel when they start divorcing.
Cracker Jack Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I know how you feel. Just about everyone I know has someone--or at least could generate interest very quickly from other women. Me? Don't know how to. However, you shouldn't allow that to get you down. At least you can gain interest from others. Sure they're not your type, but it's only a matter of time before one of those happen to catch your eye--then you'll be good.
caramel c Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Get a hold of yourself! You're awesome and you know it. You know what? I am 32 years old and I have felt this way SO many times. I feel you, I really do. Right now as we speak I am smiling about something. My man is the reason I stayed single all these years. I never understood it before. I wondered, what is up with this? I don't attract the guys I like, ,and vice versa. Why is everybody else getting lucky? When is my time? Should I just forget about it? But, I didn't settle and I could have. Anybody can get married, ANYBODY! It's better single than sorry. You just remember that. And by the time you do settle down you will be glad you waited.
Author Confusedalways Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 How long have you been single? perpetually.
jamesum Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 What effort have you made to get someone that you are interested in?
NYCGirly Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 OP it's totally natural to feel the way you do. It doesn't make you any less of a good friend. It's the pack mentality- wanting to do the same thing everyone else in your pack is doing. However, in this case, I suggest looking at things from another point of view (it's easy for me to say this living in NYC I guess)- being single is great! While all of my friends are currently in serious relationships (either getting engaged, moving in with boyfriends, getting married, having babies), I'm enjoying my singleness. The freedom to go and come as I please; I can sleep in late and not be bothered by anyone; I don't have to deal with snoring (every bf I've had snored!!!); I can watch Grey's Anatomy on DVD all day while stuffing my face in very unladylike ways and not worry about someone nagging/judging me. You have to create your own happiness without it being tied to someone else. Relationships are hard and take WORK. Do you really need another job right now? (yes it's a second job). Don't believe the supposed "happiness" you see your friends reveling in- they could be miserable behind closed doors. Point is, live life on your schedule and enjoy singleness while you're a part of this club. Maybe you'll find someone, maybe you won't. Who knows? At least you know you can feel fulfilled in either scenario.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 OP it's totally natural to feel the way you do. It doesn't make you any less of a good friend. It's the pack mentality- wanting to do the same thing everyone else in your pack is doing. However, in this case, I suggest looking at things from another point of view (it's easy for me to say this living in NYC I guess)- being single is great! While all of my friends are currently in serious relationships (either getting engaged, moving in with boyfriends, getting married, having babies), I'm enjoying my singleness. The freedom to go and come as I please; I can sleep in late and not be bothered by anyone; I don't have to deal with snoring (every bf I've had snored!!!); I can watch Grey's Anatomy on DVD all day while stuffing my face in very unladylike ways and not worry about someone nagging/judging me. You have to create your own happiness without it being tied to someone else. Relationships are hard and take WORK. Do you really need another job right now? (yes it's a second job). Don't believe the supposed "happiness" you see your friends reveling in- they could be miserable behind closed doors. Point is, live life on your schedule and enjoy singleness while you're a part of this club. Maybe you'll find someone, maybe you won't. Who knows? At least you know you can feel fulfilled in either scenario. You are a goddess :love:
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I'm really not sure if this is a post for advice or more of a post that I need to vent to some people that can understand. Every one of my female friends [no exaggeration] is in a very happy relationship either living with their significant other, engaged, or very recently split up. It's becoming really tiring hearing the "you'll find someone" and "it just happens" and "pursue your own interests, you're bound to find someone!" Don't get me wrong-- I'm not like waking up every morning wanting to throw myself in city traffic and go about my day all jaded, depressed and unhappy. I really don't give off a bad vibe, or so I'm told. I am genuinely happy for all of my friends, but it's becoming really difficult to be the 5th, 7th, 9th, and 11th wheel ALL the time. I think it's nice that everyone wants to include me in the plans and I do usually go if not to look bitter, but it's really sad being the only one to go home alone at the end of the night. I guess this post is a result of yesterday 2 more of my friends becoming engaged, today 2 more of my friends have decided to move in together across the country. I have a few guys that are interested in me, but I don't feel anything for any of them, and a lot of my friends try to convince me to 'give them another shot' and "I'm too picky," etc. I don't think I'm ugly. I know I'm smart. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I guess this is more of a rant than anything. Please tell me someone understands, or there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm really not feeling good about the dating scene tonight. That is such a tricky place to be in... and it seems women are more conscious of it than are men. I wonder if said position would be any easier for women if more and more women had "math brain" or were analytical. They would reason that if, say, the "average age of first marriage for women is 25, and the average age of first marriage for women with a Master's Degree is 30"... then half of everyone falls on either side of that average, AND furthermore, there is no shame in falling anywhere among that randomly distributed data. I DO imagine that you slow yourself and your evolution toward finally landing on that data by fretting too much over "what you're doing wrong" (NOTHING!).
Eeyore79 Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Women worry about it more than men because their biological clocks run down faster. Men aren't in a hurry to settle down because they can have kids at any age if they marry a younger woman, whereas a woman realistically has to be in a lasting relationship by 30-35 if she wants to stand any chance of having kids a couple of years down the line. Neither gender seems particularly desperate in their 20s; women become desperate once they reach their 30s, but male desperation doesn't show until much later, perhaps 40-ish.
AverageJoe Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 OP it's totally natural to feel the way you do. It doesn't make you any less of a good friend. It's the pack mentality- wanting to do the same thing everyone else in your pack is doing. However, in this case, I suggest looking at things from another point of view (it's easy for me to say this living in NYC I guess)- being single is great! While all of my friends are currently in serious relationships (either getting engaged, moving in with boyfriends, getting married, having babies), I'm enjoying my singleness. The freedom to go and come as I please; I can sleep in late and not be bothered by anyone; I don't have to deal with snoring (every bf I've had snored!!!); I can watch Grey's Anatomy on DVD all day while stuffing my face in very unladylike ways and not worry about someone nagging/judging me. You have to create your own happiness without it being tied to someone else. Relationships are hard and take WORK. Do you really need another job right now? (yes it's a second job). Don't believe the supposed "happiness" you see your friends reveling in- they could be miserable behind closed doors. Point is, live life on your schedule and enjoy singleness while you're a part of this club. Maybe you'll find someone, maybe you won't. Who knows? At least you know you can feel fulfilled in either scenario. There is nothing else that needs to be added. We can end this thread now. /thread
Goldline Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 May I suggest that you go out without your friends, or with singles friends? It could make it easier to meet singles.
Recommended Posts