Girlygirl1977 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I've had two dates with a guy last week and both have ended up with him performing on me. He is good and will go 30 min at a time. The first date I stayed over after dinner and drinks and it just happened. He wanted to try again in the morning and i had to say no. The 2nd date it happened after a movie. I made sure to say before it that it may seem i'm selfish bc i'm not ready for intercourse and am not ready to reciprocate. He said he didn't care bc he enjoys it so much. He did it again and later before he left he wanted to do it again and I told him I was overwhelmed. I said I would like to rewind (which I said after 1st date too oops). So we have a 3rd date tmrw. He is mid 30s and I'm early 30s and we are in touch each day since this started. He is very effusive with his compliments with me and affectionate. At movie, kisses on forehead, hand, holds hands whole time etc. What do you think about this behavior? Odd?
Serenitynow Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 More proof how women over analyze EVERYTHING. If he was having intercourse with you would that be ok, compared to just oral? You're allowing him to do it, so what the hell is the difference? (even though you try to take away responsibility of your actions with your little *oops* response, as most women do) Do you like receiving oral from him? If you do than what are you complaining about? .
dreamingoftigers Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 OMG he likes the oral and you are worried?!?! be happy!
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Some women always look a gift horse in the mouth. He likes to satisfy you because he is not a selfish man. why dont you reciprocate?
Fouts Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Just lead him into other things when your'e not in the mood for that. You have to develop your sexual compatability a bit, that's all.
carhill Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 He's evidently fine with performing cunnilingus on someone he barely has met. Since this apparently differs from your perspectives regarding mutual sexual intimacy, the risk of unbalanced timing rears its head, where he gets 'ahead' (no pun) in important aspects of building intimacy and you feel rushed. I'll counter the prevailing wisdom and suggest caution, assuming you are looking for a LTR/marriage. If you're dating without expectation of anything more serious, then go with the moment. Perhaps it will balance out over time.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 The question is not whether he likes to perform oral "too much." It's whether that is comfortable for you. Evidently it is not. Part 2 of the question: Why are you participating in something sexually that you are not comfortable with? It's up to you.
Shakz Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Buy yourself some spike-heels and a riding crop. This guy needs to be punished.
USMCHokie Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 What do you think about this behavior? Uh...he likes you...?
Amira4210 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 You're a lucky girl if he likes to give you oral, I know I can't be happy with a guy that didn't like it, but I understand why you are concerned. If he is wanting to do it so much so soon, without being in a more serious relationship, then who's to know if he is just into you or just into oral. He can give oral to any girl, really. But I think what you're looking for is confirmation that he is doing it for you and not just for the pleasure he gets off on.
Gallaxia Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Doesn't matter how hot n' juicy either of you are, that's not really LTR behavior. The good thing is you recognized it wasn't what you wanted and told him. The fact that you re-evaluated it all and asked that you get to know each other better (and he does too) is a good sign. Now in the coming dates (no pun intended), evaluate for sincerity. You don't want to get played.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 You guys are really smart and thanks for your views. Yes I think Amira has got part of the issuea and Carhill and the last poster. We actually went to the same grad school (though he graduated a year before me) and have some friends in common so I probably felt more relaxed which is why I did go to his place at the end of the first date. He actually held me the whole night too so I dont think either of us slept much. He told me he as daydreaming about me the next day at work. He will tell me things like he was working at the gym to impress me. I just dont even know what to say. I"m trying to process all of this. So his comments are a bit much but I'm kind of overwhelmed and trying to decipher things. I did tell him this so he said we joked that we should go to a church or a library for the next date. So tomorrow we are going to the "library". That's a joke bc it is a pub which has good food he mentioned during the second date. So I hope this date tomorrow will give us a chance to rewind a bit. Yes Cathy - I agree. X fingers!
meerkat stew Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 It is a strange dynamic. I'm curious how he ended up eating you so early when you aren't ready for intercourse. Did he "convince" you or have something of a patter about it? sell you on the idea? I imagine it is his form of "sex insurance," a woman who will let him give oral will eventually have sex with him, and is less likely to be wasting his time, it probably works pretty well for him, other than it seems to be causing some conflicted feelings in you.
TaurusTerp Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 He sounds mentally unstable. I suggest you go totally cold on this date, refuse to answer his calls so he doesn't think you're easy, and have him "chase" you. I think this will work very well. If not, block your phone number and call him every 3 hours and breathe heavily into the phone.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 whoa! How did you come to the conclusion he is mentally unstable? Actually he was in my good friend's class and i only mentioned him yesterday (bc i dont like to check ppl out that way) and she said he is: a good guy, hilarious, off the chart smart, plays by his own rulebook/quirky. But sh@# mentally unstable - elaborate please?
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Sarcasm doesn't hit you very well, does it? I think you'll find Taurus is kidding......
sweetjasmine Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 He's evidently fine with performing cunnilingus on someone he barely has met. And the daydreaming, constant touching, "I'm going to the gym to impress you," etc., all within 2 dates. Way too much too soon, since it's making OP feel overwhelmed. OP, if you're feeling overwhelmed, listen to that. I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'd be careful with this one. He sounds kind of obsessive and smothering.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 Ha ha. . i'm slow today;) Thanks for the help! The first part seemed possible and I knew the part about the phone and breathing was a joke. . .
Eeyore79 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 If a guy I was in a relationship with was extremely keen on oral sex then I'd be thrilled. The problem here is that he wants to perform oral sex on someone he's only just met and who he hasn't yet established a relationship with; I wouldn't want a man who had been indiscriminately licking every dirty tramp who walked by! He's obviously okay with the idea of sexual intimacy outside a relationship, and I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone like that. Of course, there's also the possiblity that he's doing it to guilt you into reciprocating, in order to push you into sexual intimacy before you're ready. If I were you I'd run for the hills - not because he likes oral sex, but because he's a man-slut.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 If he is wanting to do it so much so soon, without being in a more serious relationship, then who's to know if he is just into you or just into oral. He can give oral to any girl, really. But I think what you're looking for is confirmation that he is doing it for you and not just for the pleasure he gets off on. Who cares? Time will tell if he's into her or just into oral. Sounds to me like it's both. He is giving you the goddess treatment. Enjoy!
Shakz Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 If a guy I was in a relationship with was extremely keen on oral sex then I'd be thrilled. The problem here is that he wants to perform oral sex on someone he's only just met and who he hasn't yet established a relationship with; I wouldn't want a man who had been indiscriminately licking every dirty tramp who walked by! He's obviously okay with the idea of sexual intimacy outside a relationship, and I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone like that. Of course, there's also the possiblity that he's doing it to guilt you into reciprocating, in order to push you into sexual intimacy before you're ready. If I were you I'd run for the hills - not because he likes oral sex, but because he's a man-slut. :lmao: Sorry, that just struck me funny! You have a way with words.
meerkat stew Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 :lmao: Sorry, that just struck me funny! You have a way with words. Agreed, Eeyore is in excellent form today.
Philetus Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I've had two dates with a guy last week and both have ended up with him performing on me. He is good and will go 30 min at a time. The first date I stayed over after dinner and drinks and it just happened. He wanted to try again in the morning and i had to say no. The 2nd date it happened after a movie. I made sure to say before it that it may seem i'm selfish bc i'm not ready for intercourse and am not ready to reciprocate. He said he didn't care bc he enjoys it so much. He did it again and later before he left he wanted to do it again and I told him I was overwhelmed. I said I would like to rewind (which I said after 1st date too oops). So we have a 3rd date tmrw. He is mid 30s and I'm early 30s and we are in touch each day since this started. He is very effusive with his compliments with me and affectionate. At movie, kisses on forehead, hand, holds hands whole time etc. What do you think about this behavior? Odd? I'm a guy who really, REALLY likes to perform oral sex on women. To use the common parlance, "I'm a giver". Going 30 minutes or more, while not common, isn't rare either. I don't do it to store up points so it gets reciprocated either. I enjoy it for its own sake. Maybe this guy does, too? It COULD be that he's really into you, really enjoy it, and figures you'll engage in other activities when you're ready. He's taking what he can get and enjoying the **** out of it. He's very attentive - kissing, holding hands, sounds like he's really into you. Do you find that off putting, as well? However, if he's doing too much or moving too fast, tell him to slow down. Tell him you're uncomfortable and need some time. If he can't tone it down, or continues to ask, then I'd be worried.
Serenitynow Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Ha ha. . i'm slow today FYI its not just today .
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