Intergalactic Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 didn't know where else to post this thread, so 'dating' seemed the most appropriate. so i was out the other night with some friends and a dude came up and started dancing with me/chatting me up. all the usual stuff, asking where i'm from, what i do, touching me, whispering etc. probably worth mentioning this since it led up to the "kiss" - there were these two girls making out with each other pretty close to us, clearly a show for all the dudes (and the guys loved it) and he said to me "do you want to beat them at their own game?" and i was like "um... no..." because i really wasn't sure. but then he moved in for a kiss anyway and me being in the heavily drunken state i was in went along with it. he made like he was about to kiss me and sort of did this weird thing and then pulled away and was like "actually... nah" and then just looked at me. so i was just sort of like "um ok" and then turned away. then he he was like "ok well then... bye" and left. my friends were around and saw and obviously i am very embarrassed by this rejection. but is this usual? why the **** would someone do that? is he just a douche? why make moves on someone and then just be like... NAH. was it just to make a fool out of me? i feel like an idiot cos i said no and i should have just stuck with it. it made me feel so unattractive and has sort of killed my self esteem a bit (definitely did for the rest of that night), and i can't stop thinking about it.
meerkat stew Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Alcohol has interesting and sometimes unpredictable effects on those who drink it.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 didn't know where else to post this thread, so 'dating' seemed the most appropriate. Wow what a crappy story. I'm sorry, that sucks IG. To me though it sounds like he was making a stupid drunken joke and expecting to get shut down or something, and then didn't know what the hell to do when his joke actually turned into a real kiss opportunity and so he tried to hot dog it b/c he lacks class. Rather than an actual reflection on your looks. So try not to sweat it too much.
Hot Carl Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 (edited) A lot of guys do weird stuff because they are trying to act cool and don't know how to do it. Others do weird stuff because they are idiots. Either way, I wouldn't recommend you take it personally. You could have smacked this guy and said, You've got gall you've got guile To step to me I'm a rapophile If you want to battle your in denial Coming from Uranus to check my style Go ahead put my rhymes on trial Cast you off into exile That would have taught him. He should have expected that reaction from you anyway. Edited August 25, 2010 by Hot Carl
bobdole Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Maybe he felt your discomfort and decided not to, but tried to turn it into something "macho" to avoid his own embarrassment.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I'll throw in a possibility... It sounds like a PUA power shift practice - pretty simple really, I even took a friend of mine out last summer and showed him how to do this. You line up a girl who looks to be in your league, or maybe even slightly above it. Then, you move in slowly and start reeling her in, much the way this guy did to you. Flirt, touch, get way in her personal space, whisper so that it is necessary for her to get in your personal space. Set up a reason for a kiss (competition like your guy did, or some other way to get to a kiss that isn't just blatant) - and then when she gives in and you know you have her hooked, you lean in and when you are inches from touching her lips, look at her and either express it in your features or if you are really ballsy, simply smirk, say... 'nah, nevermind' or 'no thanks' and simply walk away with no explanation. My friend asked me what the purpose of it was, since it was clearly not going to get him laid and also clearly was going to piss off the girl. I explained that a power shift is about ego, not about getting laid. It accomplishes two things: it puts the power squarely back in the guy's hands by being able to bluntly reject a sure thing, and two - it guarantees you that the girl will never forget you, and you can use that to your advantage in case you run into her again (that is a whole 'nother technique - turning anger into desire, as they say). And it sounds like in your case it accomplished both. He likely went away feeling high on the idea that he could reel someone in and then reject them (insecure guys tend to feel this keenly, and it helps build their ego after being the ones to be constantly rejected), and two - I can guarantee you that you he is on your mind, and likely will be for a while. If you see him again, he has set himself up so that when you see him - you will certainly remember and recognize him. You may even want to punch him in the face, but if he is seasoned, he would work that to his advantage. It is really odd to read this here - I can't help but to wonder if it is the same guy! :lmao: It is never fun to be on the receiving end of an ego game like that. The dating world is really mercenary sometimes. All the PUA stuff aside, few people really put thought into the idea that someone may really get hurt in that game.
that girl Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 why the **** would someone do that? is he just a douche? why make moves on someone and then just be like... NAH. was it just to make a fool out of me? Yes, he is just a douche. He wanted to lower your self-esteem and he wanted you to chase after him. He doesn't have the balls to approach you as an equal, he has to knock you down first. In fact his self-esteem is so low that he is willing to give up hooking up for the ego boost. LucreziaBorgia, you are foul. That is really a terrible way to treat someone. I say this with all sincerity, I hope your dick falls off. Also, you are kind of stupid. Girls at clubs are drinking, they aren't that likely to remember you. Intergalactic is hurt, but would she 100% remember that guy again? The odds really aren't great because regardless of his attempt to be memorable, he is some guy she met in a dark club after dancing. Unless they plan a date soon after or they both already have met, I doubt it.
NYCGirly Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Pretty douche of the guy- yes. But really, you didn't know the guy so don't let the actions of some idiot stranger in a bar who you'll never see again kill your self-esteem.
TheBigQuestion Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 (edited) Although I hate to say anything that makes me sound like one of the resident LS whiners/nice guys/beta males, I have to say that your reaction to this is a bit extreme. You got rejected at a club by a guy who initially showed physical interest in you. Do you know how many times on any given night this could happen to any given guy? Do you know how often well-intentioned men are callously dismissed by women who don't give a second thought about what negative effect that might have on his self-esteem? If this is such a big deal to you, you clearly have never tried to put yourself in the shoes of a member of the opposite sex. Heaven forbid you get rejected at a night club! My advice? Life sucks, get a helmet. The majority of guys learn to deal with rejection constructively and/or take it in stride. You can and should as well. I'll even use an example from my own life. One time, several years ago, I was at a party, during which I struck up a casual conversation with a girl. I actually had no intention of trying to get her interested in me romantically or sexually. We spoke for about 3 minutes when she randomly brought up something about one of her brother's friends being Greek. I mentioned that I was also of Greek descent. Her response? "Yeah, he's actually good looking though," followed by her walking away. Callous? Yes. Hurtful? Sure. Hilarious? Absolutely! In fact, because I don't have an inflated sense of self-importance, I was able to brush this off as a hilarious anecdote, and it's fairly analogous to what happened to you. Edited August 25, 2010 by TheBigQuestion
Woggle Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I hate to sound insensitive but men get rejected at clubs all the time so you just had it happen to you. That plus you inititally rejected his kiss so why are you so upset?
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 (edited) LucreziaBorgia, you are foul. That is really a terrible way to treat someone. I say this with all sincerity, I hope your dick falls off. Also, you are kind of stupid. Girls at clubs are drinking, they aren't that likely to remember you. Intergalactic is hurt, but would she 100% remember that guy again? The odds really aren't great because regardless of his attempt to be memorable, he is some guy she met in a dark club after dancing. Unless they plan a date soon after or they both already have met, I doubt it. I don't have a dick, but I have studied a lot of the PUA stuff for some years. The guy I was talking about had been rejected numerous times, brutally and unnecessarily I might add for being 'too nice' and wanted to know how to do some PUA stuff, so I showed him. I didn't pass judgement on him wanting to know how to do stuff like that - I am indifferent about it. As for being stupid about the 'bound to remember part', well let's just say when someone does something out of the ordinary like that you will remember it, regardless of how drunk you may or may not be. People tend to remember things like that. Clearly. I posted this because it sounded exactly like a PUA trick, no more no less. I understand and acknowledged that she was hurt and was putting an explanation out there - there are plenty of predators out there who play these games. The best way to protect yourself from them is to learn as much as you can about it and play the game better. Edited August 25, 2010 by LucreziaBorgia
dispatch3d Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I'll throw in a possibility... It sounds like a PUA power shift practice - pretty simple really, I even took a friend of mine out last summer and showed him how to do this. You line up a girl who looks to be in your league, or maybe even slightly above it. Then, you move in slowly and start reeling her in, much the way this guy did to you. Flirt, touch, get way in her personal space, whisper so that it is necessary for her to get in your personal space. Set up a reason for a kiss (competition like your guy did, or some other way to get to a kiss that isn't just blatant) - and then when she gives in and you know you have her hooked, you lean in and when you are inches from touching her lips, look at her and either express it in your features or if you are really ballsy, simply smirk, say... 'nah, nevermind' or 'no thanks' and simply walk away with no explanation. My friend asked me what the purpose of it was, since it was clearly not going to get him laid and also clearly was going to piss off the girl. I explained that a power shift is about ego, not about getting laid. It accomplishes two things: it puts the power squarely back in the guy's hands by being able to bluntly reject a sure thing, and two - it guarantees you that the girl will never forget you, and you can use that to your advantage in case you run into her again (that is a whole 'nother technique - turning anger into desire, as they say). And it sounds like in your case it accomplished both. He likely went away feeling high on the idea that he could reel someone in and then reject them (insecure guys tend to feel this keenly, and it helps build their ego after being the ones to be constantly rejected), and two - I can guarantee you that you he is on your mind, and likely will be for a while. If you see him again, he has set himself up so that when you see him - you will certainly remember and recognize him. You may even want to punch him in the face, but if he is seasoned, he would work that to his advantage. It is really odd to read this here - I can't help but to wonder if it is the same guy! :lmao: It is never fun to be on the receiving end of an ego game like that. The dating world is really mercenary sometimes. All the PUA stuff aside, few people really put thought into the idea that someone may really get hurt in that game. You're an idiot. No PUA would do **** like that. He's right your suggestion acomplishes **** all. Please refrain from giving guys advice from now on. You are making the world a worse place.
dispatch3d Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 OP fwiw you overreacted to the guys "No Thanks". It wasn't full out rejection or anything. He left whenever you turned away because how the hell is he supposed to save that situation? He'd be better off going after another girl. Luc, I swear no pua would ever ever do that ****. If the guy posted his encounter with op or told another guy friend it wouldn't be in the light of "Oh man I got this bitch good!". It would be more like "Why did she react like this?" or "How could I have fixed this" etc. If a guy hits on you his intention isn't to hurt your feelings. It's to get with you . It's not that complicated. Don't go reading pua advice then applying it in ways that makes everyone worse off. What are you thinking? Teaching a guy to do this is STUPID. The guy doesn't get the girl, so what the **** was the point of him putting himself out there in the first place? The ego trip is worth **** all, he got rejected as well! And you hurt the girls feelings for no reason whatsoever. It's a lose lose situation. Man woman give some bad dating advice to men.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 the "kiss" i was like "um... no..." he was about to kiss me and sort of did this weird thing and then pulled away and was like "actually... nah" i am very embarrassed by this rejection. Sorry toots, but the person who was "rejected" here was him.
Serenitynow Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 i was like "um... no..." because i really wasn't sure. but then he moved in for a kiss anyway and me being in the heavily drunken state i was in went along with it. I love when people try to disassociate themselves from their own actions and try to lay the blame on something else. OP already said that she replied " NO " which means she was in the right state of mind. But then she says she went along with it because of the alcohol. Total contradiction. OP just doesn't want to fess up and carry around that responsibility. .
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Man woman give some bad dating advice to men. Nothing in the thread is about dating advice. It was posted to illustrate that she may have been a victim of some mind-f*ck trick similar to that one. I found it remarkably similar enough to comment on it, and speculate that someone may have pulled that trick on her. As for bad advice, my friend wanted to know about ego and power plays. Not dating. If he wanted to date someone, it would have been different.
alexlakeman Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Score one for the men!!!! Men get shut down by women all the time lol; welcome to d club. Man, dat's awsome, I couldn't do it lol Are u fat or not pretty? Maybe he did it show d freinds what he could make u do ?
Woggle Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Score one for the men!!!! Men get shut down by women all the time lol; welcome to d club. Man, dat's awsome, I couldn't do it lol Are u fat or not pretty? Maybe he did it show d freinds what he could make u do ? This is the same sentiment I have. Since I wear my wedding ring I get hit on a lot and I enjoy rejecting women in the rudest ways possible.
dispatch3d Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Nothing in the thread is about dating advice. It was posted to illustrate that she may have been a victim of some mind-f*ck trick similar to that one. I found it remarkably similar enough to comment on it, and speculate that someone may have pulled that trick on her. As for bad advice, my friend wanted to know about ego and power plays. Not dating. If he wanted to date someone, it would have been different. Shooting people down in this way isn't going to help your ego. Hell basing your ego on shooting other people down just isn't healthy (even though tons of girls do this). There are better ways. I do not like or agree with the **** you do . It also has absolutely nothing to do with pickup, game, pua's, etc. so don't group it into that.
O'Malley Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 (edited) It also has absolutely nothing to do with pickup, game, pua's, etc. so don't group it into that. Or maybe his idea of 'game' or PUA is different than yours? Insecure guy behaves semi rudely to a woman, so that she'll take notice that he's not a 'nice guy' she can push around. Woman with poor self esteem fixates on what went wrong and foolishly decides to try to all out impress the guy the next time she sees him, opening herself up to more of his games. There's only about 20,000 posts on LS about how being a jerk apparently attracts (insecure) women, so I don't see how this sort of scenario can be denied completely. Edited August 26, 2010 by O'Malley
dispatch3d Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Or maybe his idea of 'game' or PUA is different than yours? Insecure guy behaves semi rudely to a woman, so that she'll take notice that he's not a 'nice guy' she can push around. Woman with poor self esteem fixates on what went wrong and foolishly decides to try to all out impress the guy the next time she sees him, opening herself up to more of his games. There's only about 20,000 posts on LS about how being a jerk apparently attracts (insecure) women, so I don't see how this sort of scenario can be denied completely. you speak as if insecure guys have really good game by being a dick. This isn't true. Insecure guys are at a pretty big disadvantage, bigger than insecure girls. She isn't speaking of game. She's speaking of something else entirely. Which was my problem. Suggesting the guy is a PUA AND did this on purpose is ****ing stupid. If he knew the result of his actions somehow before he did them, then he wouldn't have said "No thanks" or whatever. He had no way of knowing opening post would react that negatively. He may be into the pua culture, he may not. **** if I know. I just know noone in their right mind would ever give a guy advice/tout advice that does anything other than getting them laid. This includes ego boosts. This is **** chicks do. Guys don't do that crap. They want to get laid. That's the ego boost. I would say there is tons of advice for guys not to be nice. This is true. It's not our fault woman don't respond to nice guys. It's womens.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I just know noone in their right mind would ever give a guy advice/tout advice that does anything other than getting them laid. This includes ego boosts. He didn't want to get laid. He wanted to turn the tables on girls who had done the same to him. If he wanted to get laid, that would not be the advice I'd give. To keep it on topic, I found the poster's situation very similar to the one I mentioned and suggested that it may have been a similar thing played on her.
alexlakeman Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 you ........................She isn't speaking of game. She's speaking of something else entirely........ guys. It's womens. She is speaking about it, b/c if she was hot enough: 1. She would've been with a guy, not gone to a bar to get picked up(I mean, "that" is what the females and some of the flaky males say NOT to do at a bar..lol).. and 2. She would've just walked over to the next HOT guy she saw and made out with him, and that first guy would've been put in his place.... but obviously he was the one with game, and was hot enough to be able to do that.. I assure you if he was a fat azzz.. however drunk OP was she wouldn't have made out with him.. lol So OP, answer my first Q... on the other post...
Author Intergalactic Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 thanks for all the replies. i appreciate the rude ones as well as the helpful ones. i'm gonna just respond to all the replies that stood out to me. to those who said guys get rejected at bars all the time.. true. but they don't generally get rejected by having a girl make moves on him, move in for a kiss and then she says "ACTUALLY... NAH". i would never do something like that to someone else and i don't think many decent people would. if i don't like someone, i simply say "thanks but i'm not really interested" or something like that. if he had said that to me, then that would have been fine. it was the way he went about what he did that made me feel pretty bad. to those who think i'm very upset.. i'm not. i am a bit mystified by it and it made me feel pretty bad that night but otherwise i am ok. no sweat... well maybe a little bit to the person saying that i am trying to shrug off the responsibility by blaming it on alcohol.. i'm not. i'm not sure how else to say that my actions were impaired by alcohol - because they were. even when i said no i was drunk. i also said i said 'no' because i was unsure about whether i wanted to kiss him - when he moved in for the kiss anyway i just went along with it. so i ask you - what responsibility exactly am i trying not to carry around? the responsibility of kissing him? the responsibility of being drunk? i'm claim both. the PUA game thing whatever it is.. that's a really ****ty game. i'm sorry that people have been rejected in such rude ways as to resort to that kind of thing. and to those who just had rude/funny remarks - nah, i don't think i suck at kissing and either way, he wouldnt have done what he did because i sucked at kissing.. how would he know? no, not fat or ugly. i even have pictures on my profile for proof. thanks everyone for your opinions
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