Gil Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I've had a thing for a female friend of mine for a while, I've never made it obvious and I've enjoyed her company. I'm 28, I'm not sure what the average age of posters here is. Anyway she was very cool in the start and used to invite me to chill with her and her friends a lot. she's a pretty litle girl and I thought I might have had a prospect. She came out of her shell in the past year and became more popular, and I became less popular with her apparently. When I am out with her and her friends I always have to listen in on chats about what they all did over the weekend etc. (and I wonder why I have been excluded) Anyway she doesn't ever respond to messages anymore, and I send maybe one a week, not exactly stalking her. I saw her tonight and was very unfriendly, I'm just really upset and feel rejected that the last 2 or 3 messages I've sent her over the last month or so just don't replied to. Its at a point where I can see I must mean very little to her in her heart of hearts. And I guess I feel cheated, because she obviously is aware that she has gone cold on me, and yet I have been acting as usual with her and being a nice guy. Enough humiliation is enough. I don't even want to see her or speak to her ever again. But I see her at mutual friends and around quite a bit. 1. How do I keep my dignity in tact? She probably knows she has upset me and I dont like her knowing that she could have that effect on me 2. I never come right with women I'm into, I must be ugly, in looks and in person, I never would have thought so, but I just never come right, I'm always empty handed, I guess at least I have empty hands in which to hold and put together my broken heart. How do I work out what is wrong with me?
AverageJoe Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 2. I never come right with women I'm into, I must be ugly, in looks and in person, I never would have thought so, but I just never come right, I'm always empty handed, I guess at least I have empty hands in which to hold and put together my broken heart. How do I work out what is wrong with me? You dont have much dignity with this attitude. From reading your words this translates to the behavior of your everyday life. Doesnt it? People always ask, what is confidence? No one ever really points out, what not having confidence is. This is it. The exact opposite of confidence. I am willing to bet not one female on this entire site, read this and said to themselves. WOW! This is very attractive, I must get to know this person a little bit more. His traits are very alluring and its driving me crazy! Man up.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Be careful what you tell yourself there, Gill. You might just believe it. You just need to let your experiences that haven't killed you make you stronger. You're 28. That can be point where expectations from one's youth can still cause an identity crisis. You have plenty of time to become a born again Renaissance man into your 30's. But you have to cut your loses. To me women seem to really blossom in their 30's whereas many men start declining. You can decide which way you'll go: blossom or decline.
AverageJoe Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 To me women seem to really blossom in their 30's whereas many men start declining WTF? I dont know that to be the consenses of many men.
Author Gil Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 I appreciate your input, but no you're actually not on the ball. I have lots of confidence in general, with women not so much though. Anyway thanks for your input, I'll just try drink some concrete and harden the f*ck up
Author Gil Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Be careful what you tell yourself there, Gill. You might just believe it. You just need to let your experiences that haven't killed you make you stronger. You're 28. That can be point where expectations from one's youth can still cause an identity crisis. You have plenty of time to become a born again Renaissance man into your 30's. But you have to cut your loses. To me women seem to really blossom in their 30's whereas many men start declining. You can decide which way you'll go: blossom or decline. Thats what I needed to hear!
Ichi-boned Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 She knows you're attracted to her and she's not attracted to you and alas, she's putting up her defences. Maybe she was attracted to you at one point but you misread her signals and didn't exploit the oppurtunity. By your self-description, you don't sound like an alpha-male so she got bored and decided to move on. Expect nothing but a more defences. My advice is to move on but if contact with her is unavoidable I would suggest to reassert yourself as an alpha-male.
AverageJoe Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I appreciate your input, but no you're actually not on the ball. I have lots of confidence in general, with women not so much though. Anyway thanks for your input, I'll just try drink some concrete and harden the f*ck up Hey, you do that. Your post was in regards to a female, right? Confidence in general is not the same as confidence with women. You just admitted this. Its right up there, yeah scroll up, right there. This is just a girl. Who is she to you? Thats right, just a girl. Dont be the guy that will marry the first girl he ever lays. Dont be like that guy. Pull your **** together and realize you have much to offer a woman. Maybe not her in your specific regards, but that doesnt mean someone else wont appreciate you. Say hi to a girl tomorrow, just say hi. Do it.
Author Gil Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Thanks man( ; I will. I really appreciate the comments guys its making my head a lot clearer.
Author Gil Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 She knows you're attracted to her and she's not attracted to you and alas, she's putting up her defences. Maybe she was attracted to you at one point but you misread her signals and didn't exploit the oppurtunity. By your self-description, you don't sound like an alpha-male so she got bored and decided to move on. Expect nothing but a more defences. My advice is to move on but if contact with her is unavoidable I would suggest to reassert yourself as an alpha-male. Yeah I will, it sucks though, I liked her, oh well. Got to start using my imagination and giving myself more credit where its due. Come to think of it she was starting to annoy me, was seeing traits in her that were really unattractive. I'll just be a good guy and get over it, if she tries to become more friendly with me again its my defences that will go up. Girls like that can keep away. Now I have to start working on new targets.
that girl Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Just stop contacting her. Be cool, but friendly in person if you happen to see her. I think what happened here is you built things up in your head. You weren't dating this girl, you were kind of friends. You feel excluded, but you don't seem to have to right to feel excluded. You aren't her bff who she suddenly ditched, you're a guy she kind of knows who thinks she should call him every week. And she is trying to ditch you. I think the issue you is that you need to be upfront about wanting to date someone rather than hoping they will ask you out. You can save yourself a lot of heartache that way in future.
tman666 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Kaw-liga was a wooden Indian standing by the door. He fell in love with an Indian maiden over in the antique store. Kaw-liga just stood there and never let it show, So she could never answer "yes" or "no." Poor ol' Kaw-liga, he never got a kiss. Poor ol' Kaw-liga, he don't know what he missed. Is it any wonder that his face is red? Kaw-liga, that poor ol' wooden head. He always wore his Sunday feathers and held a tomahawk. The maiden wore her beads and braids and hoped some day he'd talk. Kaw-liga, too stubborn to ever show a sign, Because his heart was made of knotty pine. Kaw-liga was a lonely Indian, never went nowhere. His heart was set on the Indian maid with the coal black hair. Kaw-liga just stood there and never let it show, So she could never answer "yes" or "no." And then one day a wealthy customer bought the Indian maid, And took her, oh, so far away, but ol' Kaw-liga stayed. Kaw-liga just stands there as lonely as can be, And wishes he was still an old pine tree.
Author Gil Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 Kaw-liga was a wooden Indian standing by the door. He fell in love with an Indian maiden over in the antique store. Kaw-liga just stood there and never let it show, So she could never answer "yes" or "no." Poor ol' Kaw-liga, he never got a kiss. Poor ol' Kaw-liga, he don't know what he missed. Is it any wonder that his face is red? Kaw-liga, that poor ol' wooden head. He always wore his Sunday feathers and held a tomahawk. The maiden wore her beads and braids and hoped some day he'd talk. Kaw-liga, too stubborn to ever show a sign, Because his heart was made of knotty pine. Kaw-liga was a lonely Indian, never went nowhere. His heart was set on the Indian maid with the coal black hair. Kaw-liga just stood there and never let it show, So she could never answer "yes" or "no." And then one day a wealthy customer bought the Indian maid, And took her, oh, so far away, but ol' Kaw-liga stayed. Kaw-liga just stands there as lonely as can be, And wishes he was still an old pine tree. Wow I never thought any good would come of posting in here i was so upset so I did. I'm amazed by all the responses and the quality of them. this is amazing ill keep it and never forget it. So accurate
AverageJoe Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Feeling better yet Gil? Starting to realize you have a set of hairy boys eh? tman666, I have not heard that in years. On point.
Author Gil Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 yeah joe feeling better thanks bro. Im over it. I didnt get upset, I even saw her today and I was completely unphased.
NYCmitch25 Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 yeah joe feeling better thanks bro. Im over it. I didnt get upset, I even saw her today and I was completely unphased. Get her out to dinner and when she goes to use the head, give her a rip-down. Point and laugh, it helps.. Ok then we woke up from our fantasy. :-) Honestly when it comes down to it, we all probably have become acutely aware of how expendable we can be to other people. Even she will see it one day. You have every right to be annoyed with the situation, you give this person your time and energy and she just acts like that was all for nothing? Though, do you really want to be friends with someone like this? Interpersonal relationships are tricky, and sometimes we need little tricks to grease the wheels. Anyway, you could do a lot of things, probably acting nasty is unwarranted and probably should be used sparingly. Also, I think instead of the British stiff upper lip (suggested by AveJoe), you should actually get it off your chest in some way. Personally I had this gal ignore me over email, honestly I was just trying to be her friend, much like I am with a lot of people who worked at the coffee shop I frequent. I sent her an email saying something very nice along the lines (because she's no longer working there) that "I told myself I wasn't going to send another email" but "this coffee shop isn't the same without you" (more elequently than that) and that "I was looking for friendship" and "I hope your summer was going well". Ego isn't everything, also it got it off my chest. and I felt better. Anyway, she sent me a very nice reply and when I saw her recently I received a very nice hello. Game. Set. Match. Good luck my friend.. :-)
Feelin Frisky Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 WTF? I dont know that to be the consenses of many men. Did you ever go to class reunions in your 30's and 40's? If you haven't been through that you won't have the same perspective. In my 30's I could see in my direct childhood peers that pattern of women seeming more appealing than ever while a lot of the fellas seemed to be aging ungracefully. I've taken that to heart and was on the upswing myself rather than the down turn during that time. I still look much younger than I am and try to keep it that way. Sure, youth in a female is pretty but youth is fleeting. My experience has been that women--grown up women--come to have great new appeals way over and above their appeals as 19-23 year olds. I can't speak for other guy's outlooks. Men are basically transparent to me as I am most decidedly hetero-sexual.
dispatch3d Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 here's the answer to this problem, you need to take more risks with woman. Ask out more woman. Get rejected more. I actually can't comprehend this post because what she "did" wouldn't even register with me. Like I wouldn't care at all. I would have stopped texting her the first time she ignored one of my texts and just forgotten her. Lol the last girl I stopped texting, she took an hour to think of an excuse not go to something so I was just stopped texting/calling her. If she feels that much of a need to make up clever excuses she can do it to another guy .
Author Gil Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 NYC thanks a lot mate another good perspective to consider. And Dispatch as well. I know the truth lies in a balance of all this advice. I need to take more chances thats for sure!!
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