squeaky Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 i have this friend who has liked me for a long time and there's always been sexual tension between us. he's always been flirtatious with me, even after we said we would just be friends a long time ago. i've always been attracted to him, but i couldn't get involved with him because i was still hurting over my last relationship ending. this summer we've been sending lots of sexual texts and stuff, but when we hang out nothing ever happens (mostly because i'm shy). i decided to ask him if he still has feelings for me and he said no, but that i'm his best friend. so i thought, "ok fair enough that works for me." but then the next time we hung out he kept saying i looked hot and he wanted to give me a massage. he also made dinner for me that night. he also said he has more fun hanging out with me than any of his other friends, including his dude friends from college. he's told me before that he has fun with me, but this time he seemed to make a point of saying that he likes hanging out with me more than anyone. i'm not sure what to make of all of this. i keep trying to treat him like a friend, but now i feel like he's playing games. before we had the talk about us being "best friends," he would always answer my emails and texts right away. if i ever asked him to hang out, he would almost always say yes. now it's like he's trying to be all elusive. i asked him if he wanted to go see this movie we'd been talking about on friday and he just responded with, "maybe." what is he doing? if he says we're best friends, then why isn't he acting like a friend? i mean, obviously there's more going on here, but i don't get the game he's playing. if he likes me why doesn't he say so? i hate games and i refuse to give in to them, so i've just kind of continued treating him the way i would treat any of my other friends. but it also makes me not really want to hang out with him as much. what should i do?
atlnay Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Ask him point blank: I like you and I am sexually attracted to you...do you feel the same? Is this something you want to pursue?" He will either say yes or no. You will know what to do at that point. Good luck.
meerkat stew Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 You've rejected him so much over time that he is terrified of further rejection from you, despite the fact that he will still make mating displays. In light of this, if you like him, why don't -you- make the first physical move?
Author squeaky Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Ask him point blank: I like you and I am sexually attracted to you...do you feel the same? Is this something you want to pursue?" He will either say yes or no. You will know what to do at that point. Good luck. i guess i feel like i already did that when i asked him if he liked me and he said he just wanted to be best friends. i think he's definitely sexually attracted to me, i just don't get this game he's playing or how to respond to his behavior. at this point i'm just not contacting him because i don't care for games.
phineas Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 i guess i feel like i already did that when i asked him if he liked me and he said he just wanted to be best friends. i think he's definitely sexually attracted to me, i just don't get this game he's playing or how to respond to his behavior. at this point i'm just not contacting him because i don't care for games. Perhaps he said no because he thought you aren't interested & you asked because you just wanted to re-affirm you aren't interested. You did shut him down in the past. I just went through this with a woman I thought just wanted to be friends. She was hurt in a relationship & said she needed to be single so I just friendzoned her. I didn't flirt with her ect. I just hung out with her when I had the free time. She started flirting ect so I just manned up & made a move. Figured I'd find out if she was digging me or leading me on.
Author squeaky Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 Perhaps he said no because he thought you aren't interested & you asked because you just wanted to re-affirm you aren't interested. You did shut him down in the past. I just went through this with a woman I thought just wanted to be friends. She was hurt in a relationship & said she needed to be single so I just friendzoned her. I didn't flirt with her ect. I just hung out with her when I had the free time. She started flirting ect so I just manned up & made a move. Figured I'd find out if she was digging me or leading me on. what did she do? i feel bad about ever hurting him, although he says that i didn't. when we first met and hung out a whole bunch, he had told me that he never met anyone like me and he had strong feelings for me really quickly. knowing him, i believe that and i think he's pretty guarded around me now. i told him i liked him when i asked him how he felt. i was basically like, "i like you and i wanted to know how you feel. i'm sorry if i was confusing in the past, but i was still really hurt over my ex and i wasn't ready to get involved with someone new. if you just want to be friends, that's ok. but that's how i feel." so i don't know. i haven't been flirtatious since then because he turned me down, but he still says sexual stuff. and he's still acting like he's interested in me. but hot and cold. should i just keep being nice to him and treat him like my other friends, distance myself from him, or flirt back?
atlnay Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Unless you are prepared to go no contact, you'll hear from him again, even if you stop contacting him. The best way to avoid being in a game playing relationship is to always be direct. You should be able to be as honest with your best friend about your confusion and his actions as you are here. Just tell him how you feel and that you want to confirm, outloud with no guessing, how he sees things. No games! if nothing else, depending on how well you handle it, he'll respect your honest also, have you figured out what it is you want from him? Know that before you have this talk & think through how you will feel if he wants more & you do/dont. Or he wants nothing & you do.y.
Author squeaky Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 Unless you are prepared to go no contact, you'll hear from him again, even if you stop contacting him. The best way to avoid being in a game playing relationship is to always be direct. You should be able to be as honest with your best friend about your confusion and his actions as you are here. Just tell him how you feel and that you want to confirm, outloud with no guessing, how he sees things. No games! if nothing else, depending on how well you handle it, he'll respect your honest also, have you figured out what it is you want from him? Know that before you have this talk & think through how you will feel if he wants more & you do/dont. Or he wants nothing & you do.y. yeah, i think i'll just have to be direct about it. if he flirts with me again i think i will just ask him about it and point out that my other friends don't really try to give me massages and stuff. if we were to hang out again and he didn't flirt with me anymore, i like the dynamic of our friendship enough that i would be happy with us just being pals. but i am attracted to him, and on the flip side, i'd be willing to maybe be more than friends. i'm not sure what exactly i want out of this. i am careful about getting serious, but i would give it a try. i just thought we could take it as we go.
phineas Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 If you are confused about what you want then how can he determine what you want? He isn't going to admit you hurt him. He is probably scared of being rejected again. So you can either keep going back & forth like this or just ask him on a date.
Author squeaky Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 or just ask him on a date. but when i told him i liked him, he said he wanted to be friends. i'm not sure what good it would do to ask him on a date. i guess i should say that it's not that i'm confused about what i want, it's just that i'm open to different options. and if we were to get more serious, i'd want to go slow.
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