Quest Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Been seeing a guy for about four months now and he's recently become really moody. He says it's not me but his work but at the same time he seems less keen than he was. After sending him a sympathetic text about his work situation I got one back saying he was with colleagues watching a film and they were being supportive. No mention of meeting up (we have a vague agreement to do so which was initiated by me but no firm plans) and he was sulky and quiet all day when I saw him at the weekend - no apologies for that either. I don't want to have to force arrangements to meet up. I don't know what to think, or what to do for that matter. I try to talk about stuff but he doesn't like that. Any ideas?
alphamale Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Any ideas? you should just dump this clown and move on
Feelin Frisky Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 you should just dump this clown and move on :D Such a thoughtful, considerate and well-deliberated assessment. I wish I could be that deep. :D:D
bobdole Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 you should just dump this clown and move on Well, I was thinking the same thing.. Probably a bit less cordial than I would have put it though.
Author Quest Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Yeah. Was actually hoping something a bit less drastic ...!
AverageJoe Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 He says it's not me but his work but at the same time he seems less keen than he was. I dont understand why some women dont take things that are told to them at face value. Why does there need to be an alternative reason, other than what you were told? Some people take their work home with them when they leave. I used to be guilty of this a long time ago, until one day I realized there is more to life than work. When I leave those doors, I now leave work behind. Isnt it possible this is the case? Why does it have to be something other than work? I mean really, you are not there with him by his side eight hours or more a day. You really have no idea what is going on there. And then there is a vague agreement initiated by you, not him. Then you expect an apology from him on this agreement? This makes no sense. Do him a favor and end it.
Author Quest Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Not expecting apology on the arrangement - just the not speaking to me, and shouting at me over the weekend. As far as the arrangement goes I'd just like him to talk about it. I don't want to feel I'm forcing something on him he doesn't want. The problem is I don't know what he wants. He says it's his work that's making him moody but I'm the one he takes it out on.
AverageJoe Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I don't want to feel I'm forcing something on him he doesn't want. Then dont do it, knock it off. The problem is I don't know what he wants. He says it's his work that's making him moody but I'm the one he takes it out on Again, accept that and dont force him. Can you not do that? Dont force him, just accept that is what he explained to you. No wonder he takes it out on you, you are the only one doing it. What more do you want?
Ruby Slippers Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Leave him on his own to sulk, and carry on living your own fun life. If he doesn't come around eventually, move on.
good_vibes Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Agree with Ruby Slippers. But it sounds as if he isn't treating you that well with just a somewhat lame explanation. He can take it out on something else, like the people or whatever at work making him feel that way, through working out, a boxing gym whatever. Just not you. I would probably move on, but if you want to stick with it, listen to Ruby.
Author Quest Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Leave him on his own to sulk, and carry on living your own fun life. If he doesn't come around eventually, move on. Thanks for all the advice. I did pretty much as Ruby suggested and he did come round. Things seemed okay until I phoned him tonight to ask him if wanted to go to a gig this weekend. He was really moody and a bit sarcastic with me and obviously didn't want to talk. He kept saying he had to get back to his ironing. So, the call ended and that was that. He's supposed to be coming round later in the week and when I asked about that he just said 'that's the idea'. I'll just leave him to be in a mood again. But I feel confused. It's hard not to feel he doesn't care, except that he says he does and still wants to see me, apparently. Asking him about stuff doesn't help. Any ideas?
Author Quest Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 He needs to get you a boyfriend. He's too busy ironing for that ...
Ruby Slippers Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Thanks for all the advice. I did pretty much as Ruby suggested and he did come round. Cool. Glad it helped. Things seemed okay until I phoned him tonight to ask him if wanted to go to a gig this weekend. He was really moody and a bit sarcastic with me and obviously didn't want to talk. He kept saying he had to get back to his ironing. So, the call ended and that was that. He's supposed to be coming round later in the week and when I asked about that he just said 'that's the idea'. I'll just leave him to be in a mood again. But I feel confused. It's hard not to feel he doesn't care, except that he says he does and still wants to see me, apparently. Asking him about stuff doesn't help. Any ideas? Him being in a bad mood because of work, temporarily, is understandable. Him being sarcastic and rude to you is NOT. If this had happened to me, I'd back out of the plan for later in the week. Being sympathetic during a trying time is one thing, and OK. Letting him treat you poorly during that time is another thing, and not OK. If I were you, I wouldn't ask him to do ANYTHING as long as he's being like this. And if he invites you, only accept if he asks you nicely and with affection and doesn't act like a jerk. And only if you really want to do whatever he invites you to do. Don't just accept any old invitation (crumbs). You teach people how to treat you. People who treat me disrespectfully do not get the privilege of spending precious time with me.
AverageJoe Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 If I were you, I wouldn't ask him to do ANYTHING as long as he's being like this. And if he invites you, only accept if he asks you nicely and with affection and doesn't act like a jerk. And only if you really want to do whatever he invites you to do. Don't just accept any old invitation (crumbs). I think the reason she is still hanging around is because he is being a jerk. Contrary to some popular belief here, it works. If she gets her way and he becomes all lovey dovey, he turns into a door mat and all respect she had for him will slowly fade.
Author Quest Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Thanks Ruby. I was thinking pretty much the same thing. I'm just wondering how to back out of the plan ... with an excuse or telling him why (it would have to be in an email as he's obviously not keen on calls)? The relationship did start out well and there are a lot of good points but I don't like being treated this way. Basically, if I told him 'why' it would be because of the way he spoke to me on the phone and the way he has been on a few other occasions ... also a distinct lack of romance and a lot of taking for granted. But that is probably just the same as ending it outright and I'm not sure I want to do that. I agree, we do teach people how to treat us ... it's just figuring out how to do it, for me anyway.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 You don't owe him an explanation. "I can't make it on Thursday. Something came up." is more than sufficient. That "something" that came up is that you realized he was being a jerk and you didn't feel like hanging out with him. If you do decide to communicate the reason, state your peace, state your intention (not hanging out), then follow through with your plan. Don't let him weasel his way back into your good graces. Take some time away. If he cares at all, he'll think about things. If you're leaning toward breaking it off, you don't have to make that decision right away.
Author Quest Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 I think the reason she is still hanging around is because he is being a jerk. Contrary to some popular belief here, it works. If she gets her way and he becomes all lovey dovey, he turns into a door mat and all respect she had for him will slowly fade. Well, I certainly didn't think of him as a doormat when he was being 'lovey dovey'. It was good and I felt happy. It's a bit harder to feel good about someone when they are being 'a jerk'.
Author Quest Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 You don't owe him an explanation. "I can't make it on Thursday. Something came up." is more than sufficient. That "something" that came up is that you realized he was being a jerk and you didn't feel like hanging out with him. If you do decide to communicate the reason, state your peace, state your intention (not hanging out), then follow through with your plan. Don't let him weasel his way back into your good graces. Take some time away. If he cares at all, he'll think about things. If you're leaning toward breaking it off, you don't have to make that decision right away. Thanks for that. Again, it's pretty much what I was thinking of doing. Feels like the right thing, in the circumstances.
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