Trouble Detaching Emotions from Sex...

[ConflictedGuy27]

so, some men can't (or struggle with) removing emotions from sex. I'm pretty sure I'm one of em.

 

there's this girl I wasn't suppose to feel this way about (since I was convinced I didn't want a gf), but since things escalated last weekend, I can't get my mind off of her. it's not that she was dynamic in bed either... we spent like 40 hours or so of one on one time, no messing around foreplay stuff either.

 

just genuine, I like you, let's get to know each other stuff. yikes - I'm pretty far gone with the feelings of infatuation.

 

I think I'd like to shake these feelings though. is it about time I go no contact for a week? I'm thinking maybe that'll give me enough time to shake this spell she has over me.

 

I have a date on Saturday with another girl I've been talking to and I'm looking forward to it, but after last weekend, I'm dumbstruck I think.

 

go no contact?? I really wanna reach out, cause she mentioned she was having a bad day. errrr. I'm such a tool when women get me all emotionally entangled.

[lilbunny]

so, some men can't (or struggle with) removing emotions from sex. I'm pretty sure I'm one of em.

 

there's this girl I wasn't suppose to feel this way about (since I was convinced I didn't want a gf), but since things escalated last weekend, I can't get my mind off of her. it's not that she was dynamic in bed either... we spent like 40 hours or so of one on one time, no messing around foreplay stuff either.

 

Are we 'supposed' to feel a certain way about people?

 

just genuine, I like you, let's get to know each other stuff. yikes - I'm pretty far gone with the feelings of infatuation.

 

I think I'd like to shake these feelings though. is it about time I go no contact for a week? I'm thinking maybe that'll give me enough time to shake this spell she has over me.

 

What is wrong with exploring them if they are there?

 

I have a date on Saturday with another girl I've been talking to and I'm looking forward to it, but after last weekend, I'm dumbstruck I think.

 

go no contact?? I really wanna reach out, cause she mentioned she was having a bad day. errrr. I'm such a tool when women get me all emotionally entangled.

 

The way I see it you either like this girl or you don't. Why did you go out with her in the first place if you didn't have an open mind about the situation? It seems like a waste of time and energy going on dates that you know are going nowhere before you start.

[AverageJoe]

So what? She had bad days before you came along.

 

Yeah man gotta say your being a tool. Go out with the other girl as well, take a week off from her. No question.

 

Dont make me give you a cup check to snap you out of it.

[kalikula]

What's wrong with liking her? I don't see the problem..

[bac]

I do not think that you can get attached if you do multidating.

The girl is not going to get attached to you as well because she will sense that you are dating other women. It is a huge turn off for a woman. Therefore, she is not going to like you much or put you on a pedestal.

 

From my experience, the best cure for infatuation is to get to know a person better. The infatuation is created in your fantasy world which is not real.

But, she is a real person who is totally different from your fantasy.

Therefore, the more you deal/talk with her, the better you know the real girl.

Sex helps for treatment the infatuation the best. The more sex you have with a person, the less unrealistic expectations about how wonderful it is going to be you have.

[ConflictedGuy27]

So what? She had bad days before you came along.

 

Yeah man gotta say your being a tool. Go out with the other girl as well, take a week off from her. No question.

 

Dont make me give you a cup check to snap you out of it.

 

...sh*t, I asked her out again (girl I'm crushing on); she accepted, but I told her to keep things tentative. I may have to flake so I can get my marbles back by seeing my date for Saturday.

 

gotta space this out. this'll be 4 weeks in a row seeing each other... wtf.

[Jilly Bean]

Conflicted? Are you listening?

 

Here's what I'd like you to do. It's an excellent exercise, and perfect for what ails you.

 

Stand up, and spread your legs about hip width. Place your hands on your hips. Bend over from the waist. Remove one hand, keeping the other in place. With your free hand, reach between your legs, and PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE BALLS.

 

Buddy - what is WRONG with you???

 

You've met a girl you really dig, she likes you back, so why are you trying to sabotage this?

[new wife]

Dude, if you like this girl why not see where it goes before going after another????? doesn;t that make sense? dont make this more complicated then it needs to be.... you like her, you spent great time with her, she likes you, test the waters alittle further! There are always more fish in the sea if this one doesn;t work out... but you are risking missing out on the ultimate catch..... connections like that dont come around every day.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Conflicted? Are you listening?

 

Here's what I'd like you to do. It's an excellent exercise, and perfect for what ails you.

 

Stand up, and spread your legs about hip width. Place your hands on your hips. Bend over from the waist. Remove one hand, keeping the other in place. With your free hand, reach between your legs, and PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE BALLS.

 

Buddy - what is WRONG with you???

 

You've met a girl you really dig, she likes you back, so why are you trying to sabotage this?

 

haha. I like u Jilly.

I think you've shed some light on the real issue perhaps... I'll think about the answer to that question.

 

thanks for the food for thought.

[sweetjasmine]

so, some men can't (or struggle with) removing emotions from sex. I'm pretty sure I'm one of em.

 

If I were in your shoes -- that is, can't remove emotions from sex and don't want to be in a relationship -- I would stop having sex with people until I was ready to risk getting emotionally involved with someone. Some people aren't really capable of no-strings-attached fooling around, and I think it's a waste of energy to try to do that kind of thing and then figure out how to suppress your own emotions when the situation could have been avoided in the first place.

[Jilly Bean]

haha. I like u Jilly.

I think you've shed some light on the real issue perhaps... I'll think about the answer to that question.

 

thanks for the food for thought.

 

That was a post with love, btw.

 

Go chew on the part that resonated, and if you come back with more crazy thoughts of postponing a date with a girl that youre crazy about and she feels the same, Im seriously going to go ghetto on your ass.

 

Also, a guy who can't separate sex from love? :love: Gee - what a turn-off to women. NOT. That means you give extra long cuddles, and who doesn't love that?

[chocolate_boy]

...sh*t, I asked her out again (girl I'm crushing on); she accepted, but I told her to keep things tentative. I may have to flake so I can get my marbles back by seeing my date for Saturday.

 

gotta space this out. this'll be 4 weeks in a row seeing each other... wtf.

 

Just be careful dude, I'm the same as you, I was sleeping with a girl, we did all the holding hands, spooning in bed etc.. When I told her I was falling for her she ran for the hills. She was just looking for a bit of casual fun, now I'm nursing a broken heart.

 

Tread carefully.

[Gallaxia]

That was a post with love, btw.

 

Go chew on the part that resonated, and if you come back with more crazy thoughts of postponing a date with a girl that youre crazy about and she feels the same, Im seriously going to go ghetto on your ass.

 

Also, a guy who can't separate sex from love? :love: Gee - what a turn-off to women. NOT. That means you give extra long cuddles, and who doesn't love that?

 

Amen Jilly!

[ConflictedGuy27]

That means you give extra long cuddles, and who doesn't love that?

 

you bet your ass I cuddle extra long. women are soft; why not spend some time appreciating that fact, u kno?

[carhill]

OP, prior to this 'escalation', how long had you been dating this young lady?

 

If escalation meant two days in bed having sex, I'm sincerely hoping you've called her after to reconnect. I would also suggest reconsidering dating another woman while you're having sex and feelings of infatuation with this one. It's really not fair to the other lady and also potentially confusing to yourself.

 

As was mentioned by others, get to know her better outside of the sex part. Intimacy is the cure for infatuation. That takes time. *Accept* that you're infatuated. Don't fight it. It's normal. You can still maintain your boundaries and make healthy choices while infatuated. One would be calling her, today

[somedude81]

Conflicted which girl is this? The one you were going to tell her you had a crush or the girl you were going to go dutch with?

[Lorelai]

 

there's this girl I wasn't suppose to feel this way about (since I was convinced I didn't want a gf)

 

Okay, pardon me if I'm missing something here, but I've seen a lot of posts from you about dating girls, and I'm confused about something....

 

Why are you dating if you do not want to have a girlfriend? Sure, you might date a bunch of people and not feel a connection or think they are girlfriend potential, but what's the point of dating if not to eventually have a relationship when you meet the right person?

 

If not eventually a girlfriend, what are you hoping to get from dating? Someone to have a good time with? Sex? If you're wanting someone to hang out with or go places with, surely you have friends.... and if you are actually wanting emotion-free sex without a relationship, IMHO it's a bit inconsiderate to date people in order to fulfill that goal. That' what booty calls or FWB things are for -- where intentions are discussed up-front and both parties understand them.

 

And if she was someone you only considered a FWB or booty call and she agreed to that classification, if you get attached from sex then you probably need to follow the booty call rules --only see each other for sex, don't spend time with each other except when you're having sex, don't stay the night or let her stay the night, etc. I think the 40 hours you mentioned of non-sexual face time had a lot more to do with you getting emotionally entangled than the sex.

 

Of course, if now you do want a girlfriend, great! It sounds like you may have found one.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Okay, pardon me if I'm missing something here, but I've seen a lot of posts from you about dating girls, and I'm confused about something....

 

Why are you dating if you do not want to have a girlfriend? Sure, you might date a bunch of people and not feel a connection or think they are girlfriend potential, but what's the point of dating if not to eventually have a relationship when you meet the right person?

 

If not eventually a girlfriend, what are you hoping to get from dating? Someone to have a good time with? Sex? If you're wanting someone to hang out with or go places with, surely you have friends.... and if you are actually wanting emotion-free sex without a relationship, IMHO it's a bit inconsiderate to date people in order to fulfill that goal. That' what booty calls or FWB things are for -- where intentions are discussed up-front and both parties understand them.

 

And if she was someone you only considered a FWB or booty call and she agreed to that classification, if you get attached from sex then you probably need to follow the booty call rules --only see each other for sex, don't spend time with each other except when you're having sex, don't stay the night or let her stay the night, etc. I think the 40 hours you mentioned of non-sexual face time had a lot more to do with you getting emotionally entangled than the sex.

 

Of course, if now you do want a girlfriend, great! It sounds like you may have found one.

 

to be frank I'm not exactly sure why I'm dating, beyond the fact that I love seduction, romance and romantic female attention, in general.

 

yes, I'm objective and feel rather qualified when speaking on topics at least somewhat related to LTRs; and discharging them.

 

I admit, I'm a bit rusty on the drama associated with short term flings.

 

I'm strange because I'm fighting my natural urge to seek and keep a gf, because I've never really BEEN single, least not till 2010.

 

the cons of being single shrink, in a big way, when one or more women are active parts of a single man's life. I admit, feelings will likely be hurt; likely my own; but whatever. I'm in a bit of an odd place right now.