Tell her I have a crush on her?

God you guys... I'm in frustration mode and could use some advice.

So there's this girl I've gone out with twice; not officially a date, at least neither of us called it that.

First outing we went to dinner, dessert and hung out at a bar.

Our second outing just ended, about an hour ago. We talk, click well, I touch her, when I can, and she initiates wanting to go out with me.

She cooks a lot and I like cooking too, so I tell her, "hey, you should come over and let me cook for you one night; or vise versa". She says "well... maybe; if you're lucky enough, haha." I can't get an effing read on this girl and as I spend more time with her, I think I'm starting to crush on her, but I can't effing tell if it's mutual... I almost doubt it is; because I know she's dating (I met a dude she described she's "seeing").

During both situations I didn't try kissing her at all... GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! don't ask me why, I just eff'd up I guess. I think I'm being friend zoned now.

In any event, I'm wondering if I should be more forward with my flirting; damn near to the point of letting her know I've got a crush on her. Have I lost my marbles?? It freaking feels like it. Why the eff can't I make a move?? I don't usually flake like this.

In any event, I need some advice. I'm thinking of just going no contact with her until I figure out wtf to do; because I can't do another friendly fu*king outing with her when I want more.

Thanks in advance for the advice guys.

Tell or her show her how you feel. The worst that can happen is she doesn't feel the same way.

if she's seeing other guys, why are you taking her out and spending money on her? the ****?!

Putting myself in the girls shoes for a minute, I don't think you should tell her that you have a crush on her after just going out on two casual "dates." Especially if she is seeing someone else too, you don't want her to know that you are already so into her already. That's just my personal opinion based on my experiences...any time I could tell a guy was into me so soon, it kind of made me pull back.

I don't think I would mention it yet. I would wait until you get a better read on what she is thinking and you guys should spend some more time together. You've been out twice and you said you'd like to cook for her...she likely already knows that you have a thing for her.

Here's an idea OP. Stop being a sucker. And start dating other women who will be able to give just as much as they receive. This girl you're seeing is playing the field. You should be to.

Tell or her show her how you feel. The worst that can happen is she doesn't feel the same way.

I thought the same thing, too. I figure, if I do that, at least my intent is thrown out there and our relationship would actually be defined in real terms, versus this kind of dance we do around each other.

Just last night when I showed up at a friends party I wasn't initially planning on going to (and she knew I wasn't planning on going - we were going out the following day: today) she brought a guy. When she saw I showed up, she came over and was like, "I didn't know you were going to be here!" and kinda downshifted the hanky panky with the guy. She would come over to me a few times during the evening and we'd talk, dance and touch and stuff.

It doesn't bother me that she's dating and exploring her options; that's fine. It's frustrating to me that when I get my chance with her, one-on-one (I have twice) I seems I don't get my full intent out there. Which is why I'm considering just letting her know...

It's contrary to making a move tho, you know? I don't want to cop out and do things the "wrong" way; but I dunno on this one.

Feels like I'm loosing control here.

That's the issue here. You're just an option to her bro, while she's the prize to you. It isn't a level playing ground and you need to make it so.

That's the issue here. You're just an option to her bro, while she's the prize to you. It isn't a level playing ground and you need to make it so.

Yah, I get this; and I agree with it. I date other girls too; well one other at the moment (just getting into the groove).

I just feel the crushin' bs coming along; probably because we've spent a lot of one on one time together.

Staying away from her for a bit should get my mind more steady, I think.

Putting myself in the girls shoes for a minute, I don't think you should tell her that you have a crush on her after just going out on two casual "dates." Especially if she is seeing someone else too, you don't want her to know that you are already so into her already. That's just my personal opinion based on my experiences...any time I could tell a guy was into me so soon, it kind of made me pull back.

 

I don't think I would mention it yet. I would wait until you get a better read on what she is thinking and you guys should spend some more time together. You've been out twice and you said you'd like to cook for her...she likely already knows that you have a thing for her.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure she knows what's up. Women are very aware of this type of thing, wouldn't you say?

At this point, I'll probably "downshift" the amount of attention I give her for a week or two and just see where things go organically.

Dude you should know better than to tell her. Haven't you been reading my threads

As Green would say, next time you are with her, try to Kiss her.

Dude you should know better than to tell her. Haven't you been reading my threads

 

As Green would say, next time you are with her, try to Kiss her.

Like I asked, "am I losing my marbles?!" Of course, I know waay better than to tell her, but here I am posing the question, hoping you guys'll slap some damn sense into me. haha.

we were at her pad for damn near 2 hours this morning and I didn't do sh*t!!!

I have to say though, we're pretty comfortable with each other now, more than ever (as if that's any consolation). I mean I'm in her place, she's in her PJ's not dolled up yet, and she's getting ready, talking to me from the other room while I can just about see everything; door was open and stuff.

I'm kissing her next time, damnit...!! I'm acting like a fu*king pu*sy over here!

NO! Tread with caution. Of course I cannot speak for her, but I've had tons of uncomfortable experience in this situation: guy friends blurting out their feelings for me after going out a couple times, and it has always managed to turn me off.

Even in cases where I might have been open to the idea of dating the guy after getting to know him a little better. Nothing kills that possibility sooner than the guy telling me they have a crush on me. Not only can I not return the feelings, but now I feel awkward about even being around you as friends with that knowledge.

This sounds familiar, me being a girl who has been seeing someone (aka FWB) and had gone out with a new person a couple times. Things were on the outs with Mr. FWB and I was slowly warming up to New Guy until he became a complete lovesick puppydog. Aside from just being a complete turn-off it's an additional insult to me when someone claims they have a crush on me after only a few "dates." They can't possibly know the real me so whatever they are crushing on is an idealized version.

Many times, crushes are simply a minimal vision of the person with all the unknown details filled in by your own desires. You should respect a girl enough to get to know the real her. Not the one you've filled in the blanks about. And spend a lot of time together before confessing your feelings. Which is something she probably won't want to do after you plant the image in her mind that you think of her when you're...alone, if you catch my drift!!!

Just my $0.02......

NO! Tread with caution. Of course I cannot speak for her, but I've had tons of uncomfortable experience in this situation: guy friends blurting out their feelings for me after going out a couple times, and it has always managed to turn me off.

 

Even in cases where I might have been open to the idea of dating the guy after getting to know him a little better. Nothing kills that possibility sooner than the guy telling me they have a crush on me. Not only can I not return the feelings, but now I feel awkward about even being around you as friends with that knowledge.

 

This sounds familiar, me being a girl who has been seeing someone (aka FWB) and had gone out with a new person a couple times. Things were on the outs with Mr. FWB and I was slowly warming up to New Guy until he became a complete lovesick puppydog. Aside from just being a complete turn-off it's an additional insult to me when someone claims they have a crush on me after only a few "dates." They can't possibly know the real me so whatever they are crushing on is an idealized version.

 

Many times, crushes are simply a minimal vision of the person with all the unknown details filled in by your own desires. You should respect a girl enough to get to know the real her. Not the one you've filled in the blanks about. And spend a lot of time together before confessing your feelings. Which is something she probably won't want to do after you plant the image in her mind that you think of her when you're...alone, if you catch my drift!!!

 

Just my $0.02......

Totally agree. I have been in those same situations and it is a major turn off. Women generally have pretty good intuition. You offered to cook for her...she will figure it out herself.

But a kiss couldn't hurt;)

I'm not suggesting that the OP tell her he is in love with her, wants to marry her, and has names for the children he wants her to bear already picked out.

But I am suggesting that he can't go on not expressing that he feels *something*.

Try to kiss her. Or say you really enjoy hanging out with her and would like to take her on an official "date". But don't just sit back and keep things in the friend level or that's where they're going to stay.

NO! Tread with caution. Of course I cannot speak for her, but I've had tons of uncomfortable experience in this situation: guy friends blurting out their feelings for me after going out a couple times, and it has always managed to turn me off.

 

Even in cases where I might have been open to the idea of dating the guy after getting to know him a little better. Nothing kills that possibility sooner than the guy telling me they have a crush on me. Not only can I not return the feelings, but now I feel awkward about even being around you as friends with that knowledge.

 

This sounds familiar, me being a girl who has been seeing someone (aka FWB) and had gone out with a new person a couple times. Things were on the outs with Mr. FWB and I was slowly warming up to New Guy until he became a complete lovesick puppydog. Aside from just being a complete turn-off it's an additional insult to me when someone claims they have a crush on me after only a few "dates." They can't possibly know the real me so whatever they are crushing on is an idealized version.

 

Many times, crushes are simply a minimal vision of the person with all the unknown details filled in by your own desires. You should respect a girl enough to get to know the real her. Not the one you've filled in the blanks about. And spend a lot of time together before confessing your feelings. Which is something she probably won't want to do after you plant the image in her mind that you think of her when you're...alone, if you catch my drift!!!

 

Just my $0.02......

Men are rewarded for throwing caution to the wind and being bold and confident in going for what they want... its called romance and women love it.

He needs to kiss her, because if he had just kissed her on the first DATE there would have been no confusion.

God you guys... I'm in frustration mode and could use some advice.

 

So there's this girl I've gone out with twice; not officially a date, at least neither of us called it that.

 

First outing we went to dinner, dessert and hung out at a bar.

 

Our second outing just ended, about an hour ago. We talk, click well, I touch her, when I can, and she initiates wanting to go out with me.

 

She cooks a lot and I like cooking too, so I tell her, "hey, you should come over and let me cook for you one night; or vise versa". She says "well... maybe; if you're lucky enough, haha." I can't get an effing read on this girl and as I spend more time with her, I think I'm starting to crush on her, but I can't effing tell if it's mutual... I almost doubt it is; because I know she's dating (I met a dude she described she's "seeing").

 

During both situations I didn't try kissing her at all... GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! don't ask me why, I just eff'd up I guess. I think I'm being friend zoned now.

 

In any event, I'm wondering if I should be more forward with my flirting; damn near to the point of letting her know I've got a crush on her. Have I lost my marbles?? It freaking feels like it. Why the eff can't I make a move?? I don't usually flake like this.

 

In any event, I need some advice. I'm thinking of just going no contact with her until I figure out wtf to do; because I can't do another friendly fu*king outing with her when I want more.

 

Thanks in advance for the advice guys.

There are many types of people. You right now my friend are being a silly person with a silly crush.

You have been on two DATES with this girl. She has allowed herself to be alone with you... Just imagine how nice and clear things would be by now if you had CLEARLY made your romantic intentions known with a kiss.

Its sounds like your ready... but NO MATTER WHAT... YOU JUST KISS her the next time you see her. Enjoy it to, get a boner or something from haha.

So what if she is seing another guy... right before you guys are going to have sex you just make it clear that she is your gf and you are her bf and that no one will be seeing other people. Girls love it when you step foward and set the boundaries of a steady relationship.

If she turns you down then she wasn't right for you. And you should just move on and have fun with some other girl.

I'm not suggesting that the OP tell her he is in love with her, wants to marry her, and has names for the children he wants her to bear already picked out.

 

But I am suggesting that he can't go on not expressing that he feels *something*.

 

Try to kiss her. Or say you really enjoy hanging out with her and would like to take her on an official "date". But don't just sit back and keep things in the friend level or that's where they're going to stay.

Obviously he shouldn't say he is in love... I mean it would be a romantic thing to say later on... like after a month or two of seriouse dating when the time is right... "I loved you from the first moment I saw you"... but in these early stages he needs to keep the "I want you to know I really like you" to a minimum... in fact he is way better off speaking with actions like a kiss... let the gesture of a kiss show how he feels... telling her will most likely be lame.

Did she ever get a phone call when she was with you? Well, that was me.

Man up.

One thing is for damn sure.

You'll always have more success with women doing something a little too bold/aggressive rather than too passive.

One thing is for damn sure.

 

You'll always have more success with women doing something a little too bold/aggressive rather than too passive.

Its so fun to be bold and aggressive with women... I really don't know what so many guys are afraid of.

I mean there is nothing like just going wild and throwing a woman across the room onto your bed.

NO! Tread with caution. Of course I cannot speak for her, but I've had tons of uncomfortable experience in this situation: guy friends blurting out their feelings for me after going out a couple times, and it has always managed to turn me off.

 

Even in cases where I might have been open to the idea of dating the guy after getting to know him a little better. Nothing kills that possibility sooner than the guy telling me they have a crush on me. Not only can I not return the feelings, but now I feel awkward about even being around you as friends with that knowledge.

 

This sounds familiar, me being a girl who has been seeing someone (aka FWB) and had gone out with a new person a couple times. Things were on the outs with Mr. FWB and I was slowly warming up to New Guy until he became a complete lovesick puppydog. Aside from just being a complete turn-off it's an additional insult to me when someone claims they have a crush on me after only a few "dates." They can't possibly know the real me so whatever they are crushing on is an idealized version.

 

Many times, crushes are simply a minimal vision of the person with all the unknown details filled in by your own desires. You should respect a girl enough to get to know the real her. Not the one you've filled in the blanks about. And spend a lot of time together before confessing your feelings. Which is something she probably won't want to do after you plant the image in her mind that you think of her when you're...alone, if you catch my drift!!!

 

Just my $0.02......

Good stuff. Lemme throw this out there; because I feel I should be raising the steaks now that she and I are pretty comfortable with each other:

Not mentioning the crush at all, just call her up sometime next week, and say, "let's do dinner, wine and a movie at my place sometime this week, you free?"

That's pretty direct; doesn't mention the crush; and most importantly, it gets my intent out there - I want her.

My only hang up is that she said "maybe, if you're lucky" when I mentioned my idea of cooking for her at my place. she may have been hinting that it's too soon for that type of thing.

comments anyone?

Welcome to the show Fire Salamander.

Good stuff. Lemme throw this out there; because I feel I should be raising the steaks now that she and I are pretty comfortable with each other:

 

Not mentioning the crush at all, just call her up sometime next week, and say, "let's do dinner, wine and a movie at my place sometime this week, you free?"

 

That's pretty direct; doesn't mention the crush; and most importantly, it gets my intent out there - I want her.

 

My only hang up is that she said "maybe, if you're lucky" when I mentioned my idea of cooking for her at my place. she may have been hinting that it's too soon for that type of thing.

 

comments anyone?

Do what ever you want... just make sure you 1) get her to hang out with you 2) flirt 3) touch 4) MOST IMPORTANT you KISS her before the date is over... DON'T ask just KISS HER.

And in the future don't worry about if a girl likes you... just ask out girls you like and try to kiss them on the first date... it will only help you

Oh and Don't tell her how you feel just show her with the KISS

There are many types of people. You right now my friend are being a silly person with a silly crush.

 

You have been on two DATES with this girl. She has allowed herself to be alone with you... Just imagine how nice and clear things would be by now if you had CLEARLY made your romantic intentions known with a kiss.

 

Its sounds like your ready... but NO MATTER WHAT... YOU JUST KISS her the next time you see her. Enjoy it to, get a boner or something from haha.

bolded spots are true man.

there is no "moment" to make sh*t happen; just gotta do it I guess.

I think this silly ass crush feeling has got me hesitating... garbage dude.

I wouldn't be spending money on nor seeing a girl who's involved with other men with the serious intentions you have OP. Look at other women's posts on here. They were ****ing someone, but dating another guy. Do you want to be the other guy? Spending money on some broad, only for her to go home after your date with her, to be drilled by some dude who's paying pretty much nothing? Have some dignity bro. Just kick it with this broad, stop trying to date her....she's takin you for a sucker. You're the prize, so why are you putting this chick on a pedastal when she's (most likely) being knocked off by another guy, but goin steady with you? Think about it. Because ultimately that's what it comes down to. I know you want to **** this chick. So why aren't you? Why are you spending time with her, and not ****ing her, while these other guys she's seeing probably are smashing her brains out?

All this sucker **** is why women are the way they are. Guys need to put their foot down. You're both single people, so act like a single guy would. Stop catching feelings for this chick, and just be cool man. And furthermore, why would you want to settle down and be monogamous with a woman who is and has no problem with being involved with more than one guy at a time? **** is beyond me duke. The MOST you should want to do with this girl for now is fix her plumbing. That's it.

Its so fun to be bold and aggressive with women... I really don't know what so many guys are afraid of.

 

I mean there is nothing like just going wild and throwing a woman across the room onto your bed.

I guess to each his own....but guys who are too bold too soon make me want to run for the hills as fast as possible.