Gallaxia Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I just found out a guy I've admired for quite a while but can't date -due to distance- is keeping tabs on me. Last year he hinted at the possibility of strong feelings for me but Backpedalled, never really came out and said anything concrete. Probably because it'd reek havoc being LD. But because I'm in the situation, maybe I can't see the forest for the trees. Why would someone do that? keep tabs?
carhill Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Low-cost method of maintaining options. If he knows you're attracted to him and he's got an options mindset, he'll maintain that attraction on simmer. Women have done this with myself over the years. I've come to call this orbiting. If his 'feelings' were really 'strong', he'd be calling you from the airport to pick him up. BTDT. Actions
tigressA Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Low-cost method of maintaining options. If he knows you're attracted to him and he's got an options mindset, he'll maintain that attraction on simmer. Women have done this with myself over the years. I've come to call this orbiting. If his 'feelings' were really 'strong', he'd be calling you from the airport to pick him up. BTDT. Actions Seconded. If he was really into you, you would know. He would've come out and said something, and not backpedalled. You're nothing more than an option, a sometime ego boost.
carhill Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 'I love you but we're not a couple. You know that, right?' However, I will keep you around to manipulate my boyfriend into giving me what I want. Once your particular orbit is no longer needed, off you go into inter-stellar space This is a characterization, along with some true words, of an unhealthy orbit I was once in. 'Keeping tabs' was a part of that dynamic, in seemingly innocent ways. Of course, hindsight fills in all the blanks. Healthy acceptance does the rest. The clear key, and the area where I failed horribly, is to invest oneself *as appropriate* to the dynamic, and no more. My tip-off from the OP is 'admired a long time'. Slippery slope...
Author Gallaxia Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 Oh...Yay! Thanks guys. Yeah he pursued me HARD, but I was treading lightly. Trying to be cautious. I guess he read it as a 'hard sell' ?!
TaurusTerp Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I just found out a guy I've admired for quite a while but can't date -due to distance- is keeping tabs on me. Last year he hinted at the possibility of strong feelings for me but Backpedalled, never really came out and said anything concrete. Probably because it'd reek havoc being LD. But because I'm in the situation, maybe I can't see the forest for the trees. Why would someone do that? keep tabs? Oh...Yay! Thanks guys. Yeah he pursued me HARD, but I was treading lightly. Trying to be cautious. I guess he read it as a 'hard sell' ?! Now you're contradicting yourself.
carhill Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 There's probably a backstory and it's been going on for awhile...... Here's the best I could do in 20 seconds...
Author Gallaxia Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 Wait, How's that contradicting? @Carhill- No, not that guy. He was smart not to try to contact me again. Not mad, just won't entertain that nonsense any longer. But back to the current sitch, HE initially pusued me hard, with the get-to-know you convo, asking about long-term plans, and that sort of thing, and we meshed really well. He even displayed the territorial "back-off/Mine!" thing guy sometimes do. He also made 3 cds of mp3s that built a story that parallel what we're going through specifically... Why the heck go through all that, then?
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