lemonlegs Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone, Alright, well here's the deal. I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 22. We've been dating for almost three months now. I care about him a lot, and he also cares about me (we tell each other we love each other). I haven't had a job for a while because some stuff happened, and though I've been looking, nothing's come up yet and for the past week it really has started to bum me out, more so because I HAVE a boyfriend. I'm still a University student, and will be for another 3 years at least, whereas he has a full time job. He has a truck, I don't own my own vehicle. He has hobbies that cost a lot of money, like snowboarding and dirt biking, and I don't. And another thing that gets to me is I know his ex-girlfriend was 4 years older than I and a year older than him, and I can only assume she had everything that I previously mentioned that I did not. I know she liked snow boarding. I feel like my boyfriend doesn't like the fact that I don't share his hobbies. He talked about me going with him a lot this winter, and it got me down becasue I don't have money to do that sort of stuff, even though I HOPEFULLY will have a job by then. Now, he hasn't expressed that these things bother him, but for whatever reason, it makes me feel sort of inadequate. Obviously he knows I'm younger, but I'm afraid he'll wake up one day and say, "Why am I not dating an older person who can do the stuff I can?" I know I may be overreacting right now because I don't have a job at this present time, but this feeling eats me up at night and makes me very upset as of late. I used to have such confidence in myself without feeling like I needed to have hobbies and whatnot. How can I control this feeling? I'm scared it's going to cause me to one day just feel like I'm not good enough.... but at the same time, I know I'm smart, I'm a pretty girl, I'm fun. Why do I still feel like I need more to keep him happy? I don't want to tell him all this because I don't want to come off sounding insecure (because I don't think I am overall), especially with the ex comparison. Edited August 22, 2010 by lemonlegs
Cracker Jack Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Hi. I understand where you're coming from. However, you have to realize that he's with you because, in all likelihood, he considers you special. Being a good girlfriend has nothing to do with you sharing the same hobbies as him. I believe you'll feel much better about yourself when you're working, which I'm sure you will be pretty soon. Just relax. You're only 19. You have no reason to prove your worth to anyone at this point, except yourself.
dispatch3d Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I would just talk to him about it. If he hasn't mentioned it as a concern it probably isn't one for him. Guys are pretty up front with their problems, and if you asked him directly he's going to give you a direct answer. If he had a big issue with something he would say I have an issue with this, or you would know from his actions. I don't doubt that if he has a good job+some extra money he could probably find a way to include you in some of the hobbies. He's obviously not going to take you dirt biking... I doubt he wants you to be doing this with him. However skiing/snowboarding with you every once in a while would be fine. I wouldn't start going with him every week on his dime. It isn't an activity you are that into, and I'd feel too dependant on my SO doing that. But going every once in a while is a nice gesture. This really is a concern that you have more than he has though. So remember that when you are talking to him.
LoveLace Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Things are always harder when a job or money isn't there. That's temporary so until then just stick it out and I'm sure he understands. When a job comes along you will be able to include yourself with him more often
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