Cora Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I've been having a great time with this one guy. We have known each other for almost two years, but lost touch for a few months in between. Now that we are back in touch things have been going great! When we are together we have a lot of fun and he is very sweet. He is always contacting me and wanting to see me and spend time with me. Texting me little messages like "I miss you," "we should get together," or "been thinking about you" etc. The only thing is when I bring up the subject of where we stand, what he wants, or anything along the lines of a relationship he totally avoids the subject. He will find every which way to beat around the bush, change the subject or totally ignore it altogether! We've known each other for awhile and I like him a whole lot. I take it he feels the same about me, but I guess I could be wrong? I just don't understand why he wont open up and talk about this with me. I mean if he does not want or is not ready for a relationship with me why can't he just say so? I think I've been pretty patient with him and only recently brought this up. I do understand guys typically don't like talking about this. It would just be nice to know if we are even in a relationship? Is he just afraid or is he stringing me along without having to commit? I'm confused! But thinking I might should move on now before I get hurt.
BiAxident Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 If he is always contacting you to say that he "misses you", "wants to get together", and such then I wouldn't be too worried about it. For him, actions may speak louder than words.
phineas Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 How old is he? Did he recently break up? Have you had sex with him?
carhill Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Eight months ago My take is commitment phobe or has a girlfriend/wife somewhere.
You'reasian Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) I've been having a great time with this one guy. We have known each other for almost two years, but lost touch for a few months in between. Now that we are back in touch things have been going great! When we are together we have a lot of fun and he is very sweet. He is always contacting me and wanting to see me and spend time with me. Texting me little messages like "I miss you," "we should get together," or "been thinking about you" etc. The only thing is when I bring up the subject of where we stand, what he wants, or anything along the lines of a relationship he totally avoids the subject. He will find every which way to beat around the bush, change the subject or totally ignore it altogether! We've known each other for awhile and I like him a whole lot. I take it he feels the same about me, but I guess I could be wrong? I just don't understand why he wont open up and talk about this with me. I mean if he does not want or is not ready for a relationship with me why can't he just say so? I think I've been pretty patient with him and only recently brought this up. I do understand guys typically don't like talking about this. It would just be nice to know if we are even in a relationship? Is he just afraid or is he stringing me along without having to commit? I'm confused! But thinking I might should move on now before I get hurt. People want what they can't have. How would you feel if a guy was interested in you? Different than how you feel about this guy I bet... Edited August 22, 2010 by You'reasian
O'Malley Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 He's definitely avoiding those pesky notions of a relationship...or someone else unmentioned by him may be in the picture. One to move on from.
Author Cora Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 Phineas: He is 29, there have been no recent breakups that I know of and yes I've had sex with him. Carhill: I'm thinking he could be commitment phobic too. Or as much as I'd like to doubt it he could have a wife or gf somewhere I don't know about. I mean people are pros at hiding things these days. Oh and this is not the same guy I posted about eight months ago. I never called him back and that was the end of that. Either way, I'm thinking it might be best just to move on. I just wanted some opinions on the matter. I guess whether he is a commitment phobe or has a wife/gf...both are pretty much losing battles anyway. All I can say is I sure know how to pick em!
dispatch3d Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 ahhh guys hate talking about the "status" of a relationship even when they are in one. They sure as hell aren't about to jump at the opportunity to talk about where we stand with a friend. Nooooo thanks. Go about this in a different direction!
that girl Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Have you actually asked him if you are a monogmous couple? I think "where do we stand?" can be a little too vague and signals can get crossed. But a guy who is sleeping with you but unwilling to commit to actually being with you should be kicked to the curb.
carhill Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 guys hate talking about the "status" of a relationship even when they are in one.True that, for some men. The friend in my journals was f*cking her BF for nearly six years and living with him and he still introduced her as his office manager. She didn't like that, but evidently wanted enough from him to tolerate it. She probably used me to get him to move off-center on a number of issues. Not a bad strategy. OP, my thoughts on these dynamics runs like this.... If a woman (man in your case) gives me signals which cause me to doubt their compatibility in the relationship, I'll tell them once what I want from the relationship, e.g. 'I love being with you and sharing our lives together. I like sharing that with the world, openly. I want everyone to know we're together. How do you feel about that?' Then, listen and accept. If it's something different than what you feel, and no one feels exactly the same at the same time, give yourself an internal timeline for the person's words and actions to line up. If they don't, execute the boundary. You decide the timeline and the boundary. A failed marriage has taught me that we teach others how to treat us and the specifics of how that works. It's really good information.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Yep, sounds like a commitmentphobe. A guy doesn't need to be asked to be in a relatonship, much less made to want a marriage. They either want to or they don't. Also, if they avoid the subject of wanting to date, most likely, they do want to date, but they don't want to date you.
Author Cora Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 I'm just kind of hurt over this because for those months we stopped communicating (almost a year), I moved on with my life and started dating others, none of which really worked out though. Back then I was not satisfied with the situation and realized we wanted two different things and told him this. I went no contact on him for the longest time. He would try to contact me every now and then to which I would ignore. He would want to see me and I would tell him no....didn't think it was a good idea etc. Soon the contact from him increased...almost on a daily basis. Saying things like we can be more serious if that's what you want. Basically offering to give me what I wanted. I still kept turning him down because I could not bring myself to believe that he changed. He was persistant though and kept telling me he missed me and wanted to see me. Finally I gave in. I knew I may have made a mistake because I was finally getting over him and now all these feelings were about to come back full force. He was that guy you knew you always wanted....no matter how many other guys you date you kept thinking of him. Anyway, now that we've been back in touch all of my feelings have come back, but he is now avoiding the subject and doing a whole lot of backpedaling. Making me feel very frustrated, hurt and like a fool. I know I just need to accept this as just another mistake of mine though and move on. I moved on once before from him so I know I can do it again. It just sucks you know? Anyway, thanks for all of your opinions on the matter. It made me realize even more that moving on from him is the right thing to do. It was what I needed to hear. Carhill, I'm off to read your Journals now. Thank you
lso802 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Cute AV. I think you're making the right choice of moving on. Whether he's a commitmentphobe or have someone else, from his actions, it's obvious he doesn't want to have an exclusive relationship with you regardless of the reason.
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