phoenix1 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Divorced/divorcing guys?? Opinions? I met this great guy, getting divorced, separated 1 1/2 yrs, 4 kids (youngish), works 70 hours a week and lives 1 1/2 hours away. For the most part I am the first person he has dated since being separated. (there was one other very briefly, right when he moved out). Things were going so well, we really felt like kindred spirits, and I really feel like he was way into me. Then...he realized things were not as sorted out in his life as he thought. He is leaving a 13 year marriage, far from being finalized, wife difficult, job crazy, has kids half the time, etc. He told me that he thought he was ready to start dating, but he possibly jumped the gun. Not only are there only so many hours in the day, but emotionally, he has too much going on to be truly present. He said he really grappled with it, and he really likes me, but feels like we will both just end up feeling frustrated and resentful due to the limitations he feels he has right now. So - he needs to step back, and wants to keep in some limited touch, (we have mutual friends and will see each other from time to time), be friendly, (no sex) and well, who knows? That may be it, it might happen later down the road. He certainly does not expect me to wait til ? nor do I want to. He says he is not seeing anyone else, not trying to, and I pretty much know this is true (per the mutual friends). My question? Guys, given these circumstances, would you take the chance on letting someone get away that you really liked? My feeling is kind of that guys, if they really like you find and make time, somehow, no matter what. Is all this possible sounding, BS, or as I said, the easy let down? I have to say, he is a pretty stand up guy, and, one of the reasons I like him. Women, interested in hearing from you too, of course.
alexlakeman Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I've been in his place; divorce, kids, etc... I wouldn't let a potential significant other go so easily.. but at that point, everyone could just be a rebound.. he might be in no rush to settle down... you never know, it could go both ways... In MY case... I've been divorced 8 years, and I am NOW ready to settle down, lol.... so who knows.. if he wants the space, start meeting other guys, screw him... Especially soo fresh out of the divorce, he's still thinking of the ex, seeing her at mediation, .... Good luck..
sugarmomma Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 What kind of r can you really have with him? He works 70 hrs a week and lives an hour and a half away?? Besides that he's separated and you don't really know why they've been separated so long. It took me less than a year to get divorced. Have they even filed for a divorce? If not, who knows what their plans are. You don't want to be a rebound anyway. My advice would be to not date and stay away from separated/married men period. No real future in that. Even if he really cared for you he knows that he has tooooo much baggage to start anything healthy. Wait until he is completely out and over the marriage. There is a whole grieving process that goes with divorce.
Author phoenix1 Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 @sugarmomma, yeah I hear you, but I could deal with all the scheduling stuff, my life is pretty busy too. I do know why they are divorcing, and he left her. It was over quite a bit before he moved out. Why are they not divorced, procrastination, finances, avoidance (she's not making it easy or pleasant)I am going to move on to other options, but I guess my curiosity (ha, ego!) wanted to get a second opinion. I really did like this guy too, it's really too bad.
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