Confused100 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I spot a girl I find attractive. I approach her, start flirting and ask her out. When I ask her out, do I want to already have a date and time in mind? For example, 'We should get coffee tomorrow at 5". Or is a date sufficient? "We should get coffee tomorrow" and then follow it up with a call/text later to confirm a time.
Sabali Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Have a date and time in mind. Set it up. Do not call or text to confirm. Show her that you're confident that she will show up.
Author Confused100 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 Great. Now does that mean I should already have a location (e.g. coffee shop) picked out as well? Or is a suggesting a public place to meet sufficient?
Shakz Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 IDK, this seems like a odd thread to me. If you have the balls to spy, flirt, and talk, the venue for your first date ought to suggest itself. I don't think I've asked a woman out to a particular event on a lark, but why not? Usually, in the course of conversation, you find something you might both like to do together. It's always good to know what's going on in your area. There is a great magazine in my region that tells all about local happenings. Maybe there's something like that where you live. Check it out for something you'd like to attend, then maybe go hunting.
Author Confused100 Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 Well, the thing is I'm quite new to this style of approach. My previous attempts were complete failures across the board, so I've gotten fed up and am going to try to not let my fear take over. I've already gotten some good advice from here before on approaching girls, but there were some gaps I was curious about since I wanted to make sure that I don't make any dumb mistakes right off the bat. Your location says Western Washington. Do you happen to live in the Seattle area? If so, what's the magazine name?
Shakz Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Seattle magazine. The Stranger. There's a bunch. Actually, I live on Whidbey.
zengirl Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I spot a girl I find attractive. I approach her, start flirting and ask her out. When I ask her out, do I want to already have a date and time in mind? For example, 'We should get coffee tomorrow at 5". Or is a date sufficient? "We should get coffee tomorrow" and then follow it up with a call/text later to confirm a time. I don't think it really matters if you have a time, though it's kind of like anything that could make you nervous---if you have the date, time, and place in mind (but remain flexible enough in your manner that she can offer different suggestions if they don't work for her), you might feel more confident because you don't have to fussbudget about it on the spot. I think this is the only reason why it helps me. Girls don't go around thinking, "Well, he didn't have a time to meet me, so that means he's a sorry excuse for a man" so far as I've ever seen. But, even if she wants to say yes, she might be nervous too -- that's why having all the things laid out at once becomes easier for many gals and many fellows. Always leave some room for the girl to actually object in a not-intrusive way if your suggestion doesn't jive with her schedule. But most girls will quite easily do the, "Oh, I can't Thursday at 6, but . . . " I'd pick something casual and generic to do if you don't know the girl yet. After even one meeting, you'll know where your interests line up (or don't) and this isn't an issue. I've turned down fellows because of their choice of first-date activity was something I didn't want to do and I didn't know them yet, so why bother. (And starting off, "Well, that sounds really boring to me; how about _________" seems like a bad way to start a potential connection, even if he's cute.) Unless you're very young, I'd never suggest "tomorrow" unless it's something naturally evolving from another social sphere (like you know them through work or something). There is a girl rule -- I don't always follow it but it exists -- to never accept a date with a fellow if he hasn't given you 2-3 days notice. You might offend some gals. Also, beyond that, most busy girls are going to be busy tomorrow, and you look a bit more "empty" socially yourself by saying tomorrow. Exceptions abound, of course. I can think of many times with "tomorrow" was not a big deal, but I'm just pointing out a potential general pitfall.
Sabali Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) Great. Now does that mean I should already have a location (e.g. coffee shop) picked out as well? Or is a suggesting a public place to meet sufficient? Generally, a first "date" shouldn't be any thing fancy. You don't exactly know how you and the woman will click so if she happens to be a bore or anything else, you don't want to be stuck with her for a whole evening or a whole event. Meeting for coffee is a good first "date." You can talk to her and get to know her and if you decide that you don't really want to date the woman, the coffee bill should be relatively light at the end of the talk. If money is no object, you can do drinks or something more upscale but the important thing is that the first date is relatively short. When asking someone out, the smoother the conversation flows, the better. It gives a feeling of "clicking, " that you are prepared and quick on your feet. Being prepared is always an admiral trait in the business world or the dating world. This is one of the reason that when you are prepared to ask a woman out, have a time, date, and place together and a plan B. Let it flow smoothly. You know that on Monday, you are free at 5pm and there is this nice, mellow coffee shop on such and such street... Ask her to meet you there at 5pm. If you like her after that meeting then go for a bigger date. Have a date, time and place together. Don't call later to confirm anything. She will be there. Edited August 22, 2010 by Sabali
Feelin Frisky Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Is coffee at 5PM tomorrow a date? To me it sounds like: shall we fraternize in lieu of a potential date? Actually I think that a rather wiser choice. Don't confirm or text. Just see if she MAKES time for you. If she doesn't stand you up or excuse her way out it and after you have cocoa or tea or java or smoothies or w/e's, you'll be able to tell if it's appropriate to suggest a real date like an event, dinner and a movie etc. But I wouldn't personally consider an offer to meet for a cup of Joe quite asking someone out. It's just a feeler-outer.
Philetus Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I spot a girl I find attractive. I approach her, start flirting and ask her out. When I ask her out, do I want to already have a date and time in mind? For example, 'We should get coffee tomorrow at 5". Or is a date sufficient? "We should get coffee tomorrow" and then follow it up with a call/text later to confirm a time. My first impulse is right now. As in, 'would you like to grab a coffee?' I was saying this to a friend last night who has trouble dating. I've yet to turn a woman off by being TOO bold. However, if you have to postpone it for whatever reason, have a specific time. "Would you live to get together Friday night for a drink." If she's interested and can't do Friday, she'll propose an alternate time. Once I have a commitment, I'm very laissez faire about the place (with the following exception - I always volunteer to come to their hood so they pick a place close to where they live. It's easier for them to take me home later.)
Sabali Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Is coffee at 5PM tomorrow a date? To me it sounds like: shall we fraternize in lieu of a potential date? Actually I think that a rather wiser choice. Don't confirm or text. Just see if she MAKES time for you. If she doesn't stand you up or excuse her way out it and after you have cocoa or tea or java or smoothies or w/e's, you'll be able to tell if it's appropriate to suggest a real date like an event, dinner and a movie etc. But I wouldn't personally consider an offer to meet for a cup of Joe quite asking someone out. It's just a feeler-outer. That why I put the word "date" in quotes. It's not actually a date per se (she may consider it one) but just a setup to get know the person a bit better and to get a better sense if it's okay to ride alone in the car with a person. Crazy just loves car rides...
Recommended Posts