Lipsy10 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 So my friend and I were talking the other day about her new beau . They've been together for two months and she is head over heels awwhhhh. I'm really happy for her as shes been single for a long time. This guy has asked her to move in with him and she's hesitating. She said she knows he's "the one" and even though its early days she loves him. So why hesitate?? She's worried about what people will think plus given the fact they only know each other a couple of months shes scared it might be too soon. I think this is rubbish. Two months is a short time but they are both 30. Okay 30 is not old but its old enough to know your own mind. They're not teenagers anymore. I say when it feels right go for it!! Remember they're just moving in together its not like they're getting married or having babies..if it doesn't work out she can just move back out, no harm done. Do you think once you get to a certain age you should throw timetables out the window ( move in after one year, be engaged after two, be married by three, baby by four ...etc) and just do what feels right??
Art_Critic Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 No.. timetables don't go away the older you get.. If anything the timetables get used more. Your friend could move in with him and keep her apartment for a while. I have also found no correlation to how quick you move in together and how long or good the relationship is or lasts..I've had experience with that all over the map.. You only live once is what I have always used when faced with this issue.. Anything done can be undone later if it doesn't work out.
zengirl Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 So my friend and I were talking the other day about her new beau . They've been together for two months and she is head over heels awwhhhh. I'm really happy for her as shes been single for a long time. This guy has asked her to move in with him and she's hesitating. She said she knows he's "the one" and even though its early days she loves him. So why hesitate?? She's worried about what people will think plus given the fact they only know each other a couple of months shes scared it might be too soon. I think this is rubbish. Two months is a short time but they are both 30. Okay 30 is not old but its old enough to know your own mind. They're not teenagers anymore. I say when it feels right go for it!! Remember they're just moving in together its not like they're getting married or having babies..if it doesn't work out she can just move back out, no harm done. Do you think once you get to a certain age you should throw timetables out the window ( move in after one year, be engaged after two, be married by three, baby by four ...etc) and just do what feels right?? I don't really believe in timetables. But moving in with someone should not be taken lightly or only on the basis of "feelings" because it's not solely an emotional decision. It is a major lifestyle choice and a financial decision. Moving out is a bit more difficult than all that. Moreover---If she's scared it might be too soon, then even her feelings aren't telling her to move in. She's experiencing cognitive dissonance for a reason; some of it may be external, but it sounds like some of it is internal. Worrying about what people think is silly. That fear is not. That fear is her having a serious conversation with herself and should not be ignored. I'm a big believer in not going with timetables on purely emotional or relationship issues----time between dates, contact time, sex, saying ILY, commitment, etc. But approaching the issues that have major financial ramifications, like moving in or marriage or children, with the same attitude seems like a recipe for disaster. Why can't she just stay at his place a few nights a week, if they want to try it out? Why the need to move in so quickly and all at once? The SO I lived with; he and I talked about it for more than 2 months before moving in together. We had a long happy time together, but it was still hellish to have to move out after I broke up with him.
BiAxident Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Do you think once you get to a certain age you should throw timetables out the window ( move in after one year, be engaged after two, be married by three, baby by four ...etc) and just do what feels right?? The danger here is that, since they are both still clearly in the 'infatuation stage' of the relationship, they could be overlooking factors that might make moving in together a bad decision. At the same time, she doesn't want to hurt his feelings or withdraw too quickly, if he decides not to move in.
Author Lipsy10 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 All good points, I suppose I just didn't think about those things because of my own experience. I was with my man for only 1 month when we both jumped in with both feet and 6/7 years later we're still going strong. I know the same wont apply to everyone but every now and then in life you should take a chance. Who knows where it will leed you. I will however give my friend some of your more sensible advice
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 It's her life and her decision. Maybe she doesn't want to move in with him without being married or engaged. It is not for you to say she should move in with him or not. FYI: you can be totally in love and have a committed, joyous romantic relationship without moving in with someone. Just let her enjoy it and take it at her own pace. yes, he asked her to move in, but if she says no, and she dumps her over that, then he didn't really love her in the first place. Just because a guy asks you to move in with him, doesn't mean it's the right decision for you. When you're in your 30's, you want the real thing (marriage), not playing house with a guy, or a 'test drive'. I commend her.
denise_xo Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 So my friend and I were talking the other day about her new beau . They've been together for two months and she is head over heels awwhhhh. I'm really happy for her as shes been single for a long time. This guy has asked her to move in with him and she's hesitating. She said she knows he's "the one" and even though its early days she loves him. So why hesitate?? She's worried about what people will think plus given the fact they only know each other a couple of months shes scared it might be too soon. I think this is rubbish. Two months is a short time but they are both 30. Okay 30 is not old but its old enough to know your own mind. They're not teenagers anymore. I say when it feels right go for it!! Remember they're just moving in together its not like they're getting married or having babies..if it doesn't work out she can just move back out, no harm done. Do you think once you get to a certain age you should throw timetables out the window ( move in after one year, be engaged after two, be married by three, baby by four ...etc) and just do what feels right?? Bottom line I think she should do what ever works for her and not worry about what others do or say, but I definitely don't back the idea that timetables go out the window with age. When I was around her age I moved real fast - REAL FAST - with someone and it backfired. If anything, getting older makes me prolong those timelines... but then I'm a person with above average need for space in a relationship.
Recommended Posts