sigurpol Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 So, long story put somewhat short. Met someone (call her Jen) in mid 2008. We talked a whole ton and I discovered we had more in common than what I'm used to. Not that it's a bad thing. During my late year of 2008 and all through 2009, I was floored with a lot of personal grief, and personal things that came up short. I still kept in close touch with this Jen, and it was quite obvious she REALLY liked me, but she kept a respectable distance. Along with what personal things I had to deal with (which I am not with comfortable discussing on a board) I slowly detached myself from her, along with close family members, coworkers, and friends. To the point of extensive therapy. In later 2009, enough time passed where I became "cool" with my friends and family, but was still out of touch with Jen. It was odd, because we had become super super close over that year until I detached. Aside from all this, my friends would call me "crazy" for never going ahead and officially date Jen. While still detached, I was out after work and ran into two friends of Jen, and stuck around to say hi (my friends were at the same bar/grill they were at). One of her friends seemed to flirt with me alot, and eventually asked for my number. Knowing that I was asking for it, I exchanged numbers. For about 3 months, I was steady with this friend of Jen's. We both knew we were in for a world of drama if we were ever caught while out. Jen, of course, knew what was going on during this. After 3 months, this friend had a whole load of problems of her own, drove me insane, and I was back where I started with problems and cut this friend out of my picture. But, everywhere I went, I ran into Jen.. she would never say hi, but look and sometimes nod towards me. She has come into where I work, and is very short with me (obviously) and her friends who seem to know me act the same way. I cannot blame them. Jen developed a habit to befriend MY close friends. I assumed this was a tactic to "get to me", but that's becoming too full of myself. Anyway, what I'm getting to now is, Jen has become the only person where I regret losing out on. Normally I don't try again on these things because... I'm totally out of line and wrong. She liked me a lot, I led her on, detached, became better in time to date her friend, and now I'm looking to talk again. So I have NO grounds, In my opinion, to say, "let's talk again" But for anyone who has experienced this, or can offer any sound advice (other than what I obviously know), put it forward. Please!
BiAxident Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Yeah, it sounds like you screwed up the situation with "Jenn" pretty badly, detatching after leading her on and then dating one of her friends? Ouch. At the same time, I wouldn't say that you have no grounds to talk to her. If you were friends before, there might still be something there between the two of you? One thing is for certain, you need to focus on being her friend and only her friend. No romance.
Jeff M Stevens Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 The girl has put herself in position many times to be around you in spite of your detached behavior towards her. She has even hung in there after you dated her friend. Interest level cuts through everything and women love a challenge. If you want to date her, just ask her. If she says no then you know. Stop putting a head trip on yourself. Grounds to talk to her again? If she was your girlfriend, fiance or wife and then you cheated on her with her friend, I can see your hesitation but with "Jen," as far as I can see, you were just friends that lost touch. From a friendship standpoint, you certainly screwed up but you two never dated so you never owed her a thing from that standpoint. If you like her, ask her for her number and then take her on a date if she says yes. If she says no or the date (or dates) doesn't work out, then you overrated her interest level to begin with and then you can move on. Either way, you'll have it off your mind!
Author sigurpol Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Yes yes, I hear ya. Granted my OP was a little dramatic, I was out, and it popped into my head while drankin'. I've kinda touched on this subject here before, and usually get the same answers. But I gotcha, no need to "victimize" her, which is what most of my friends said. We never dated, we were really close, things crossed the line a few times, and I had made it clear that it was platonic. She agreed. I do have moments where I want to call and just ask how are things, etc. It's extremely awkward seeing her out while I'm out in town. We never say anything to each other.
Jeff M Stevens Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 The way I look at it, the worse thing she can say is "no" and bruise your pride a bit. I never take women personally because to me, dating is like sales....its a numbers game. The more "leads" you have, the better chance you have of finding the right girl. Put it this way, if you really like her and YOU want to take her out, then by NOT asking her, you are already saying NO to yourself. I wish you well man, with whatever you choose to do with "Jen"
Author sigurpol Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Late reply, but thanks again guys. I got in touch with her, and now I'm just waiting to hear back. Cleared the air a little, so hopefully this isn't as bad as I expect.
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