squirly1522 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 About 9 months ago, me and my boyfriend moved in together. we've been dating about 2 years going on three. Give or take roughly a month in to moving together were arguing about clothes on the floor and cleaning stuff like that. Going down the line we begin to argue about what ever drama on a reality show for example: Teen Mom, Cheaters, True life etc. One day we have a serious talk and mentions to me that sometime he's unhappy cause we argue and some days he want to just get away for a few days and come back to clear his head. I love him to death, but since we moved in together we've been clashing. He doesn't like when i tell him what to do. Exp: cleaning up his stuff. He feels like im attacking him, and he thinks that i think im perfect. I think im losing him and i don't know what to do. I have to be myself. Im not a bossy person by any means, and i dont say that all the time so i dont know why he feel like that. I dont even think he wants me here any more and i feel like he think we made a mistake and maybe we did. But if we can never live together then how can we move on in the future ? He'll be happier if i was gone i think, although he;ll prob will never tell me that. We dont fight everyday, its just before we lived together we was happy and care-free. Now... he's just stressed and drinks cause he's stressed and im here trying not to piss him off so we don't break-up. Were going on our 3rd year together and i swear we barely made it. Instead of being happy and looking forward to that day, were in two different rooms and he's ignoring me. I dont know what to do anymore.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 This happens. People really need to establish direction for their own lives and see to it that both in a couple share understanding of sacrifices to get where they are going or achieve what they wish to achieve (other than merely "living together happily ever after"). If this doesn't happen first, it often bares out that they have made each other the objective of their life pursuits and reality becomes a let-down when imperfections start becoming visible in close quarters. What seemed passionate romance starts becoming either co-dependence or contempt. I'm sorry that you are experiencing a reckoning with reality that you and your partner are are not in a symbiotic relationship with mutually understood and supportable goals. But you are definitely not alone in this tribulation. I myself have learned the hard way that the romance can begin to end the moment two people don't have to chase, wonder or idealize each other by getting married or living together and finding out that having is not so wonderful as wanting. Best wishes for resolution.
D-Lish Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Talk about it. Lay everything out on the table just like you did here. Approach the subject with an open mind, be prepared to listen, and not jump on the defensive. Be prepared to be honest with him as well. You are living together, not communicating properly can make or break your situation. You can fix this, you just have to both be willing to be totally open. Ask him what will make things better for him, and really listen. Find out what you could do differently to make this transition smoother, let him know what he could do to help you both interact more easily. Things like clothes on the floor are truly insignificant in the grand scheme of things. If you can't get past this obstacle, what would you do if you had kids? Learn to communicate properly NOW- once you establish how to do this on a minor level, it will translate to the bigger issues that you'll inevitably encounter down the road.
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