Rxwoman Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Hello, I can't figure out a guy at work. This is a bit embarrassing, as I'm middle-aged and haven't dated for quite awhile. A guy at work who is single and my age seemed interested. He offered several times to drive me home, even though I had my car keys in my hands, and then once we were talking ( about bowling), and he started to kind of babble, and then suddenly suggested that we should go bowling, or somethng, sometime. It was so unexpected I said something like, ".. that's an idea". He's a rather shy guy. So I've now tried to spend more time talking to him, hoping he'll suggest something less vague than an outing "..sometime", but so far zip. In fact if anything he seems to have become more shy. What the hell happened...did I misread the suggestion? Any ideas, (other than my asking him out, I just can't do it )?
unspokenwords Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Yes you can! Be brave - whadda you have to lose? He WILL be interested...he is obviously really shy and probably having all the angst and doubts you are right now..
Gallaxia Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Arrrgh! Why are some guy like this? It can be cute but frustrating. OP, you may have to take the bull by the horns.
InceptorsRule Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Arrrgh! Why are some guy like this? It can be cute but frustrating. OP, you may have to take the bull by the horns. Because in addition to fearing he's misreading the signals, many women are simply fickle. They change their minds at the drop of a hat. Hot one day, cold the next. Also since it's a work environment he might be terrified of a sexual harassment claim. This is the way shy guys think.
AverageJoe Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I have said this before. Do you like your job? Never fish off the company pier.
carhill Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Or shoot fish in the company barrel OP, yes, he's interested. What remains is would he puke on his shoes if you asked him out...
harmfulsweetz Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I have said this before. Do you like your job? Never fish off the company pier. I really, sincerely disagree with this sentiment. Because I believe it CAN work, and if it doesn't, it doesn't have to be awkward or made a big deal out of. People can act mature, can handle things responsibly. Sure, there are times when it may be best to not get involved at work-i.e. if you're the type of person who can't accept things when they don't work out etc, but then I also see your point. I do know it can be the worst thing ever to break up with someone and be forced to see them everyday, but then, I think taking a chance is sometimes worth it. OP, I'd ask him to go for a drink, or bowling. It sounds like he just needs a push in the right direction.
AverageJoe Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I really, sincerely disagree with this sentiment. Because I believe it CAN work, and if it doesn't, it doesn't have to be awkward or made a big deal out of. People can act mature, can handle things responsibly. Sure, there are times when it may be best to not get involved at work-i.e. if you're the type of person who can't accept things when they don't work out etc, but then I also see your point. I do know it can be the worst thing ever to break up with someone and be forced to see them everyday, but then, I think taking a chance is sometimes worth it. OP, I'd ask him to go for a drink, or bowling. It sounds like he just needs a push in the right direction. I can agree to an extent in regards to your reasons. You are right it can work, and some times it does not. However, what is more important? A chance date with some guy you work with, or the possibility of losing your job when chance date doesnt work out? Sure, people are supposed to act mature, but it doesnt always happen that way. Everyone is so pollitically correct now a days its disgusting. Especially companies. You cause a disturbance at work and you are expendable. If it is worth the risk to some people, knock yourself out. I still do not recommend shooting fish in the company barrel.™
Feelin Frisky Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I had a co-worker with whom I flirted quite a bit but wasn't really interested in ask me if I would escort her to a concert (this was 20 years ago and she was 10 years my senior and divorced at the time). I took her up on it and we had a fling for a bit. Someone else came along that stole my feelings and I told her that "I'm afraid but we have to stop". She decided to go for a job posting to get out of our department and it wound up being a huge success jump for her. I'm sad if there were any wounds but couldn't have asked for a better outcome. Plan an event like that and ask if he'll escort you. He just may be a little torn on whether to go forward with you but the choice of words and sentiment you use can get the ball rolling on a platonic basis from which you can see if he'll switch from taking your arm to holding your hand. It's a romantic process of uncertainty--let it flow.
Gallaxia Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Good point guys.....Since it's office-related, tread lightly.
YellowShark Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Never fish off the company pier. I agree with AverageJoe Rxwoman. I did this once and when it went bad, (when we broke up), it became hell to see her every day. Find a guy outside of work, trust me on this, it'll save you great heartache.
buzzie2 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I think that he does still like you but like someone else said he made be worried about a sexual harrassment claim, or not completely sure that you're interested in him back. Sometimes folks just need a little bit of encouragement. You did mention that he was shy right? The next time you see him, act like you're really happy to see him and smile and call him by name. Then watch his reaction. If he barely talks to you and walks away then you know he's not interested. But if he smiles and looks happy to see you and starts talking to you that's a good sign. Also I don't agree about not dating people that you work with. As long as it's not your boss or someone that works directly with you then I say it's all right.
Author Rxwoman Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 *sigh* I guess my problem is insecurity. Like I said, it's been a LONG time since anyone nice has asked me to do anything, or go anywhere. Thank you all for the advice. I think I will try asking him if he still wants to go bowling. What the hell, right?
Gallaxia Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Woman! Do we need to tickle you with feathers? Smile! Laugh! Don't go into this with that attitude. You already sound defeated! This situation is the opportunity for another chance! Take it! You nevvvver know!
Author Rxwoman Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 Well, I never got around to asking him out. I over heard a conversation he was having with another guy. The guy asked him about his girl friend's kids! What annoys me is that he and I have talked about where we grew up, went to school, used to work, where we live, he's talked at length about his parents, siblings, college, pets, restaraunts, politics, movies, I've talked about my ex, my kids, my parents, etc, etc, etc, and NEVER ONCE did he mention a girl friend. Thank you everyone, anyway though, I appreciate the input.
meerkat stew Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 He sounds very interested but conflicted or fearful. Just checked bowling shoe prices on the net, they are quite cheap and some aren't bad looking. You could get some, wear them to work and make a point of telling him about them. If he doesn't ask you bowling after that, he's brain dead or just not interested.
jean-luc sisko Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Hello, I can't figure out a guy at work. This is a bit embarrassing, as I'm middle-aged and haven't dated for quite awhile. A guy at work who is single and my age seemed interested. He offered several times to drive me home, even though I had my car keys in my hands, and then once we were talking ( about bowling), and he started to kind of babble, and then suddenly suggested that we should go bowling, or somethng, sometime. It was so unexpected I said something like, ".. that's an idea". He's a rather shy guy. So I've now tried to spend more time talking to him, hoping he'll suggest something less vague than an outing "..sometime", but so far zip. In fact if anything he seems to have become more shy. What the hell happened...did I misread the suggestion? Any ideas, (other than my asking him out, I just can't do it )? Is he in the same team? Or the same department? If so, then it can tricky. Dating co-workers is not always worth it, but it's not a cut and dry case.
Author Rxwoman Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 He is in the same dept. I thought about that and wondered if he was hesitant because we sometimes work together. Our scheduals are often different, though. He recently friend requested me on Facebook friends list, so I thought maybe we could get around to suggesting an outing by message there. I messaged him to ask how he was, after a rough day, and he only replied with "fine, nice of you to ask". So, again, I'm stumped. I'm glad you think he's interested, even if he doesn't act on it. Like I said, it's been a very long time since anyone nice seemed interested.
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