Is there a point in falling in love?

[Mangomonkey]

I been reading story after story of everybodies opinions and events. It seems to be the idea of love is pointless now and days. Seriously. Whats the point? People dont care much about the effects of casual sex anymore so the ultimate reward for love is well. wasted.

 

Plus people seem to enjoy being single and play so much games while dating. It seems like relationships only cause problems and people make being in one WAY overated.

 

Well from a guy point of view. If you into a girl and gonna get laid regardless at some point without a commitment why bother falling into a deep state of love. And lets face it. Everyone like sex. If you dont then something is wrong with you. (no offense to some)

 

And for a girl why bother having a man if having one obvious causing problems for you whether it be something physical or your ideals.

 

After reading numorous threads. just wondering. why bother?

[denise_xo]

 

After reading numorous threads. just wondering. why bother?

 

MM, this is a forum where people come to post about their problems. It doesn't mean that there's no one out there enjoying healthy, loving relationships, but those people don't come to LS and talk about it.

 

Relationships can be wonderful, but there are always going to be rough spots, even in healthy ones. Everything in life comes with a prize, whether that prize is worth paying or not is up to you.

[edgeofdarkness]

the great bits are great, the bad bits are bad. such is life, so what? be happy you have feelings capable of experiencing both, because theyre part and parcel of life and u cant have one without the other.

[Mangomonkey]

Dont get me wrong its not only from LS that i see this but in real life in general. I put LS as an example because its something that everyone on here has direct access to so they can analyze it themselves

[edgeofdarkness]

my comment doesnt apply to only on LS. it goes for everyone, everywhere, old young, male female, in a relationship, alone, married, living with whatever. its the same for everyone. two certainties in life, your born, you die. the bit in between can either be stinking crap or manure for the roses you choose.

[kdark]

I feel really bad for you if you think sex is the ultimate goal for men in a relationship.

 

Do you even like women or just their vaginas?

[AverageJoe]

I agree with your post Mangomoneky. As a man, I find no benefit to be in a relationship. I am unmarried and anything that would benefit me in a relationship, I can get the same thing being single.

[jamesum]

People are desperate to find partners because people around them are having partners. Its mostly social pressure.

[AverageJoe]

I feel really bad for you if you think sex is the ultimate goal for men in a relationship.

 

 

It IS the ultimate goal for many men. If that wasnt the case then why not just be friends, right? I already have friends. When was the last time you saw a man pick up a phone book and say, damn I could use some more friends.

A relationship is the price of admission.

[kalikula]

Because love is way better than casual sex...?

[AverageJoe]

Because love is way better than casual sex...?

 

According to you.

[edgeofdarkness]

sex is fab if its just sex and the other person knows its just sex and theyre ok with it, but if they want more fairs fair, drop them. no commitment is cool, as long as peeps are on the same page.

[Mangomonkey]

Alright let me clarify some things. As for sex being the ultimate prize. here is what mean. When you see someone your attracted to. Do you automatically wanna be their friend or lover? For a guy its the latter. For a girl. Well it might be the former. I dont know. But it has happened.

 

And the sex thing is the only thing i can think of right now to bring up right now but it brings a point acrossl. Its a reason why there is an attraction. Now im sure there is more and would love it if someone could bring it out cause everyones comment could only be appreciated.

 

And to a poster above i agree with ya life does have its good and bad and thats the human experience. But sometimes it just feels like people excuse bad events be just saying its life. "I broke your arm. But its life. Your heal. With time" get what i mean?

[edgeofdarkness]

But sometimes it just feels like people excuse bad events be just saying its life. "I broke your arm. But its life. Your heal. With time" get what i mean?

its not an excuse its a reality if your not in a good place to accept that reality thats not their fault, its up to u to face it and realise that even if a truth is uncomfortable it doesnt make it any less true.

how much time u take to heal is up to u.

u wanna take 10 days, thats cool, if thats what it takes. u wanna take 10 years thats cool, if thats what it takes. either way, thats life is still a reality.

[denise_xo]

Alright let me clarify some things. As for sex being the ultimate prize. here is what mean. When you see someone your attracted to. Do you automatically wanna be their friend or lover? For a guy its the latter. For a girl. Well it might be the former. I dont know. But it has happened.

 

And the sex thing is the only thing i can think of right now to bring up right now but it brings a point acrossl. Its a reason why there is an attraction. Now im sure there is more and would love it if someone could bring it out cause everyones comment could only be appreciated.

 

And to a poster above i agree with ya life does have its good and bad and thats the human experience. But sometimes it just feels like people excuse bad events be just saying its life. "I broke your arm. But its life. Your heal. With time" get what i mean?

 

Life is what it is, but it doesn't negate personal choice and responsibility - within that framework you make whatever choices you think are best. If you don't see the benefits of relationships and prefer to stay single and enjoy casual sex, there's nothing wrong with that (be grateful you have that choice). People settle down with each other for all kinds of reasons, steady access to sex, life long friendship/ partnership, wanting to have children and the frame of a family around that, taking on projects together, because we're conditioned into that being the expected thing to do, etc etc.

 

When I see an attractive guy, do I automatically want to be his friend or lover? Depends on the guy, but both options are definitely options - lots of sexy men around that I'd love to have sex with but absolutely never marry!

[NYCmitch25]

I been reading story after story of everybodies opinions and events. It seems to be the idea of love is pointless now and days. Seriously. Whats the point? People dont care much about the effects of casual sex anymore so the ultimate reward for love is well. wasted.

 

Plus people seem to enjoy being single and play so much games while dating. It seems like relationships only cause problems and people make being in one WAY overated.

 

Well from a guy point of view. If you into a girl and gonna get laid regardless at some point without a commitment why bother falling into a deep state of love. And lets face it. Everyone like sex. If you dont then something is wrong with you. (no offense to some)

 

And for a girl why bother having a man if having one obvious causing problems for you whether it be something physical or your ideals.

 

After reading numorous threads. just wondering. why bother?

 

 

I suppose there is a good question buried in all of that crap! LOL

 

Why do humans fall in love and create exclusive pair bonds ? Even deeper, one that many people don't know or want to admit - why is having children and getting married good when it ultimately makes you less happy ? In the 1950s they tried to encourage marriage by saying that it made you happier, but research now is finding that marriage and children is much less rewarding than what single couples can achieve.

 

 

PS> What I notice on here is that everyone expels their emotions about things, crap about soul mates, life experiences they've had, and whatever - point being, it's all entirely irrational. If we could only separate the rational from the irrational we would probably make much better choices in life. Perhaps not get married.. dare I say it ..

[NYCmitch25]

Alright let me clarify some things. As for sex being the ultimate prize. here is what mean. When you see someone your attracted to. Do you automatically wanna be their friend or lover? For a guy its the latter. For a girl. Well it might be the former. I dont know. But it has happened.

 

And the sex thing is the only thing i can think of right now to bring up right now but it brings a point acrossl. Its a reason why there is an attraction. Now im sure there is more and would love it if someone could bring it out cause everyones comment could only be appreciated.

 

And to a poster above i agree with ya life does have its good and bad and thats the human experience. But sometimes it just feels like people excuse bad events be just saying its life. "I broke your arm. But its life. Your heal. With time" get what i mean?

 

Hey you were almost on to something but if you are going to argue for physical pleasure and weak relationships over long term full relationships, that's a loser. Yes, a lot of what you see here is stupid, irrational, and called love but you have to peal it back and look at the bigger picture. Plus, say you are a woman, probably having a stable man in your life for your children is preferred over a check. I'm sure marriage facilates that to some degree.

 

 

Tangent -

Interestingly, and many people here don't know this either but pair bonds creates stability in societies.. For instance, if you are going to live your entire life as a virgin in the middle east because some rich sultan has like 400 wives, you may be more suspectable to extreme thoughts. In fact, if you have 72 virgins waiting for you, it might sweeten the deal .. lol

[zengirl]

I been reading story after story of everybodies opinions and events. It seems to be the idea of love is pointless now and days. Seriously. Whats the point? People dont care much about the effects of casual sex anymore so the ultimate reward for love is well. wasted.

 

Plus people seem to enjoy being single and play so much games while dating. It seems like relationships only cause problems and people make being in one WAY overated.

 

Well from a guy point of view. If you into a girl and gonna get laid regardless at some point without a commitment why bother falling into a deep state of love. And lets face it. Everyone like sex. If you dont then something is wrong with you. (no offense to some)

 

And for a girl why bother having a man if having one obvious causing problems for you whether it be something physical or your ideals.

 

After reading numorous threads. just wondering. why bother?

 

If you want to fall in love because of sex, yes, that seems like a poor idea. Not that sex isn't a component of a loving relationship, too, but love isn't about "getting" anything, including sex.

 

Love is about giving. Not getting. Of course, when it's mutual, both people are fulfilled and receiving as well as giving, but saying "What's the point?" or wondering what you "get" is missing the point.

 

If you're asking, biologically and sociologically, why romantic love exists and people pair off. . . I don't believe it's required of anyone. We're socialized to believe this is a normal outlet for this type of our love. Some people in other societies (generally smaller-scale, removed-from-our-kind-of-civilization ones) form very different kinds of romantic attachments that are not 1-1. Even some people in our society believe in polygamy or have polyamorous relationships for various reasons and fight their socialization.

 

Why do we choose this path for bonding? I don't know. I'm sure there are reasons why it is feasible and feeds into our nature, since it is the most universal kind of romantic bonding. But it doesn't really matter to me deeply, so I've never thought about it in any kind of depth and this is about as deep as I go.

[kdark]

A relationship is the price of admission.

 

You can get sex without a relationship. Just go to any bar or club and you'll find loads of women willing to have sex with you for the price of a few drinks and some charm.

 

But to enter into a relationship for the sole reason of having sex with your patner and nothing else is pretty selfish. Unless your partner is on the same page as you.

[AverageJoe]

 

PS> What I notice on here is that everyone expels their emotions about things, crap about soul mates, life experiences they've had, and whatever - point being, it's all entirely irrational. If we could only separate the rational from the irrational we would probably make much better choices in life. Perhaps not get married.. dare I say it ..

 

Perhaps...In fact I may agree.

Speaking from my perspective as a male. Why wouldnt a man want to spend all night with poker, watching espn a few beers things like that? I have that and I absolutely love it. No questions, no answers, no defending my positions, nothing. I do this enough at work.

The more likely you have to compromise in a relationship, the more likely you have picked the wrong person.

I think the main reason some men want to get married, its not because they love you. Its because they dont want you having sex with other guys.

[AverageJoe]

You can get sex without a relationship. Just go to any bar or club and you'll find loads of women willing to have sex with you for the price of a few drinks and some charm.

 

But to enter into a relationship for the sole reason of having sex with your patner and nothing else is pretty selfish. Unless your partner is on the same page as you.

 

Correct, that is exactly my point. I do it all the time. But some think that is the only way. I think you may have misunderstood me.

[Mangomonkey]

A friend of mine once told me that what keeps alot of people together is hope. Simply because that no matter what someone goes through with someone as long as they have hope for a better outcome then its worth the risk even if its all for nothing.

 

As for the reality thing. Well. In my opinion. People have control over their lives. As well as people surrounding them have control. So to say thats just how life is. It allows some people to be comfortable with their wrongs. Or the wrongs people done to them. Nothing wrong with being comfortable with it. But to shrug it off as if thats just life well...

 

But hey. i guess all people are irrational. Being completely logical isnt part of the human system. But it seems the irrational things are what makes life fun. That is the impression im getting so far.

 

And as for the sex thing. its the only thing i coulda have thought of at the moment. At least dealing with love. But I do mean more to it then just that. I notice alot of people want love for many reasons. lonely, insecurities, gaining security, ideals match. or whatever. But in the end. At least from what i seen. It fades for whatever reason or another. Some move on. Some dont. Alot of people are willing to risk pain by falling in love. But is the pain really worth it? And i dont mean just emotional pain cause it can hurt you in other ways. Friends, work, school, religion, whatever.

 

I do believe that sometimes it may be worth it but in this day and age where few people start out with caring but instead start with games. Its just wierd to me. Im not trying to come across as someone who looks down on people in relationships or anything like that. But sometimes i just laugh at it. Cause when people are supposedly in love. Well. They lose themselves. in a sense. It just seems to me that when you love someone. You will only come later on down the road asking yourself. How did that happen and why did it happen.

 

Of course there are exceptions. More so than not.

[Mangomonkey]

I wanna make a correction. Not everybody have control over their lives. Only alot of western people. Who are fortunate enough to have personal decisions that will affect their lives

[skydiveaddict]

being in love can be the most wonderful feeling in the world, until you get your heart smashed to bits,then it's horrible. So it's not worth it in my opinion

[NYCmitch25]

Perhaps...In fact I may agree.

Speaking from my perspective as a male. Why wouldnt a man want to spend all night with poker, watching espn a few beers things like that? I have that and I absolutely love it. No questions, no answers, no defending my positions, nothing. I do this enough at work. The more likely you have to compromise in a relationship, the more likely you have picked the wrong person.

I think the main reason some men want to get married, its not because they love you. Its because they dont want you having sex with other guys.

 

I'm not fully arguing for your lifestyle, honestly I'm not entirely sure what it means to be devoid of "serious" relationships in lieu of bachlor life. I'm not even sure you are saying that either.

 

What is known is that Marriage is NOT the key to happiness, nor is having children. Then why do people do it ? Some argue it's that we simply make mistakes (to boil it down). Yes marriage and exclusive pair bonding could function as a mechanism to control women and vice versa, though it also does benefit people in many other ways including society as a whole.