What just happened here? Was this a date? I'm so mixed up :(

[Lady_J]

I'm just clueless about what to do about this situation. I met this guy 2 years ago kinda felt that tummy pull, but he was leaving the country about 3 months into us working together. We kept in touch while he was gone and at some point I admitted to having a crush on him. He said he didn't feel the same. Fast forward to now. He just got back and I had asked him when I might see him again, he suggested we get together and have ice cream at a place we'd had it together before. I said maybe. I just wanted to think about it a bit be sure I could handle it. So then later I said sure but it would be a couple of weeks. He told me to let him know when I was free. So yesterday, we met up. I was under the impression that we were doing it as friends. Nothing more, nor did I expect more. We were supposed to have drinks but he immediately asked if I wanted to eat, which I thought meant he was hungry so I said sure. Things went fine I thought during the ordering and then the food came, he offered me a vegetable at the same time I was eyeing it and wanting it instead of fries and I accepted and he even picked up his plate and put some on my plate. I thought that was sweet and nice. Everything was fine we made periodic eye contact while we ate but he was really into his food. Until he asked about a mutual friend of ours, at which point I told him it was a bad subject and the guy was inappropriate, that he had kissed me. He drops his fork stares at me like i'm from mars for a second and goes "he kissed you?" and I said yes. He asked then, "was it a real kiss?" and I was kinda shocked by his level of interest and was like um yea.And I explained how I had told the guy I wasn't interested in him and that I no longer spoke to him because of this action of his. Well things got weird after that. For the rest of the afternoon everytime we started to talk, even if he initiated the subject he couldn't stay on topic, he would break in with a joke which got really annoying and frustrating. When the bill came I offered to get it because I knew he wasn't working yet but he refused so I paid the tip. We left together but that was weird too, he asked me to walk out with him and I did but he didn't hold the door for me he kind of burst through it (all other times i've been with him he held the door for me) when I got to my car he said something and kept going to his car. By the time I got my keys out of my purse, he was off the parking lot. I went WOW what just happened here??? Was I on a date and didn't know it? Was he shocked by seeing me or something? I admit, he'd never seen me look like a girl before, we worked long hours and i only ever wore jeans no makeup and a ponytail. I looked very different I guess than he remembered. But why would he act sooo weird? He's told me before that he was shy, but this is the first time i've ever seen him act this way...he's usually very relaxed and confident. Help? Insight? Should I talk to him again? I really like him and would love to. I really just don't hold out any hope at all that he will call me again after the way he left

[Lady_J]

Bumping cause I could really use some input on this one

[InceptorsRule]

The obvious answer is that you should not go out on dates with people you don't want to date.

 

 

At what point in your mind is it possible that such an interaction should not be construed as a "date"?

[Lady_J]

The obvious answer is that you should not go out on dates with people you don't want to date.

 

 

At what point in your mind is it possible that such an interaction should not be construed as a "date"?

 

 

Since I had told him I liked him and he said he wasn't interested in more than friendship! I went to meet him I thought as a FRIEND for drinks. I would be interested in dating him but that's not what he said he wanted. In my mind it was just catching up...it seems to me now that that wasn't the case.

[Jaymar21]

I dont think we will ever understand y blokes act the way they do, and im sure they havent got a clue about us either mainly because not every girl is the same (as im sure with blokes) In my opinion i would just take things as they come, dont think into anything that just happened, chances are he hasnt thought once about what happened and if he does like u, or it was a 'date' then when the time is right things will just happen! I know how hard it is but what will be will be! Sit tight (Isnt it funny how easy it is to comment on someone eleses problem but u never know what to do when it happens to u)

[InceptorsRule]

Since I had told him I liked him and he said he wasn't interested in more than friendship! I went to meet him I thought as a FRIEND for drinks. I would be interested in dating him but that's not what he said he wanted. In my mind it was just catching up...it seems to me now that that wasn't the case.

 

OK then what is the issue for you?

 

You told him you liked him; he said he didn't feel the same way. You meet as friends, you tell him a weird anecdote about a mutual friend kissing you, which probably just set off his male competitive/jealousy instinct, and it sounds like he acted somewhat huffy.

 

There were obviously "feelings" between the two of you on some level, going both ways. Why is that difficult for you to discern?

 

If you don't think you are anything but just friends with him, why do you care how he reacted to your story about another guy kissing you? And why would his reaction turn something which is not a date, into a date?

 

It actually sounds that you like so many women want to play the "ambiguity game" so no matter what the guy does or how he reacts it's wrong.

[Lady_J]

OK then what is the issue for you?

 

You told him you liked him; he said he didn't feel the same way. You meet as friends, you tell him a weird anecdote about a mutual friend kissing you, which probably just set off his male competitive/jealousy instinct, and it sounds like he acted somewhat huffy.

 

There were obviously "feelings" between the two of you on some level, going both ways. Why is that difficult for you to discern?

 

If you don't think you are anything but just friends with him, why do you care how he reacted to your story about another guy kissing you? And why would his reaction turn something which is not a date, into a date?

 

It actually sounds that you like so many women want to play the "ambiguity game" so no matter what the guy does or how he reacts it's wrong.

 

Ok wait a second, there's no need for you to start attacking me!

 

1. I am only trying to understand what happened, why he acted the way he did it was absolutely out of character for him.

 

2. I didn't offer the anecdote he is the one who brought up the subject and then asked me to explain!

 

3. My interest is far from ambiguous. I only want to be sure he and I are on the same page, if he's changed his mind and is attracted to me now FINE but that wasn't what I went into the meeting thinking. I was interested in being delicate with whatever it was that made us friends in the first place to keep it intact...as I said we have been friends for a good while.

 

4. You seem to have made an awful lot of negative assumptions based on only partially seeing what i've said.

[a_woman]

your friend sounds like one of those annoying types that never know what they want. I say plenty more where he's come from. Move on.

[NYCmitch25]

I'm just clueless about what to do about this situation. I met this guy 2 years ago kinda felt that tummy pull, but he was leaving the country about 3 months into us working together. We kept in touch while he was gone and at some point I admitted to having a crush on him. He said he didn't feel the same. Fast forward to now. He just got back and I had asked him when I might see him again, he suggested we get together and have ice cream at a place we'd had it together before. I said maybe. I just wanted to think about it a bit be sure I could handle it. So then later I said sure but it would be a couple of weeks. He told me to let him know when I was free. So yesterday, we met up. I was under the impression that we were doing it as friends. Nothing more, nor did I expect more. We were supposed to have drinks but he immediately asked if I wanted to eat, which I thought meant he was hungry so I said sure. Things went fine I thought during the ordering and then the food came, he offered me a vegetable at the same time I was eyeing it and wanting it instead of fries and I accepted and he even picked up his plate and put some on my plate. I thought that was sweet and nice. Everything was fine we made periodic eye contact while we ate but he was really into his food. Until he asked about a mutual friend of ours, at which point I told him it was a bad subject and the guy was inappropriate, that he had kissed me. He drops his fork stares at me like i'm from mars for a second and goes "he kissed you?" and I said yes. He asked then, "was it a real kiss?" and I was kinda shocked by his level of interest and was like um yea.And I explained how I had told the guy I wasn't interested in him and that I no longer spoke to him because of this action of his. Well things got weird after that. For the rest of the afternoon everytime we started to talk, even if he initiated the subject he couldn't stay on topic, he would break in with a joke which got really annoying and frustrating. When the bill came I offered to get it because I knew he wasn't working yet but he refused so I paid the tip. We left together but that was weird too, he asked me to walk out with him and I did but he didn't hold the door for me he kind of burst through it (all other times i've been with him he held the door for me) when I got to my car he said something and kept going to his car. By the time I got my keys out of my purse, he was off the parking lot. I went WOW what just happened here??? Was I on a date and didn't know it? Was he shocked by seeing me or something? I admit, he'd never seen me look like a girl before, we worked long hours and i only ever wore jeans no makeup and a ponytail. I looked very different I guess than he remembered. But why would he act sooo weird? He's told me before that he was shy, but this is the first time i've ever seen him act this way...he's usually very relaxed and confident. Help? Insight? Should I talk to him again? I really like him and would love to. I really just don't hold out any hope at all that he will call me again after the way he left

 

Well, what you've said of him, he's very weird or has some serious hang-ups. I guess he's got a nice ass or you are stuck remembering something good about him... lol

 

Good people can have bad days, if that's the case, talk to him in a more comfortable setting, see what it is you really like about him, hopefully it's more than the crush you once had ...

 

 

So what did facilitate the crush? Looks ? Personality? You are drawn to sociopaths?

[Lady_J]

Well, what you've said of him, he's very weird or has some serious hang-ups. I guess he's got a nice ass or you are stuck remembering something good about him... lol

 

Good people can have bad days, if that's the case, talk to him in a more comfortable setting, see what it is you really like about him, hopefully it's more than the crush you once had ...

 

 

So what did facilitate the crush? Looks ? Personality? You are drawn to sociopaths?

 

LOL LOL Nooooo sociopaths! Prior to this, we had carried on a lot of conversations on the phone and through email (when he was out of the country) and he was always thoughtful, intelligent, funny, and well spoken.

 

Going back to when we were physically working together he was always relaxed, confident and polite. I was initially attracted to him because of that, and over the two years I became more so. So definitely more than looks going on......

 

I was thrown off by how he acted because it was so drastically out of character for him! And really would like to understand why he would just flip like that!!

 

I AM still attracted to him but since he'd told me he wasn't interested, I kept everything with him on that friend level...figuring when he got back home we'd have a good friendship and thinking MAYBE it could go into something else....but at the meeting I also wanted to keep it friendly...no pressure just chill and see what happens.

 

I have changed in the last couple of years, yes. Lost a few pounds and no longer have a job that means I run around in sneakers and jeans all the time. I guess maybe I underestimated something here.

 

I have come to care about him a lot as a person and would welcome the opportunity to date him, IF that's where his head is now. At least long enough to figure out whether or not there's potential for more than a friendship here. Make sense?

[InceptorsRule]

Ok wait a second, there's no need for you to start attacking me!

 

I didn't.

 

1. I am only trying to understand what happened, why he acted the way he did it was absolutely out of character for him.

 

 

Then you need to ask him what he was thinking.

 

 

2. I didn't offer the anecdote he is the one who brought up the subject and then asked me to explain!

 

Oh I must have misunderstood--I thought you told him about a situation in which another guy, a mutual friend, kissed you. He then asked you to provide details.

 

 

3. My interest is far from ambiguous. I only want to be sure he and I are on the same page, if he's changed his mind and is attracted to me now FINE but that wasn't what I went into the meeting thinking. I was interested in being delicate with whatever it was that made us friends in the first place to keep it intact...as I said we have been friends for a good while.

 

This is ambiguous in the extreme. Does this mean you want to be his platonic friend, or more than that, or what? Do YOU want your relationship to be romantic with this guy? Yes or no.

 

 

 

4. You seem to have made an awful lot of negative assumptions based on only partially seeing what i've said.

 

I haven't made any assumptions. You seem to have no clue as to how you managed to elicit such a wildly negative reaction from a guy you had/have a crush on. Maybe he was the one making negative assumptions. If so there might be a reason why he was doing that.

[Lady_J]

 

Oh I must have misunderstood--I thought you told him about a situation in which another guy, a mutual friend, kissed you. He then asked you to provide details.

 

No, I never would have brought it up, he asked. I told him Bad Subject, he asked what happened, I said he was inappropriate, he asked me how he was inappropriate so then I told him about the unwelcome kiss.

 

This is ambiguous in the extreme. Does this mean you want to be his platonic friend, or more than that, or what? Do YOU want your relationship to be romantic with this guy? Yes or no.

 

Yes.

 

 

I haven't made any assumptions. You seem to have no clue as to how you managed to elicit such a wildly negative reaction from a guy you had/have a crush on. Maybe he was the one making negative assumptions. If so there might be a reason why he was doing that.

 

You're right, I had no idea it would be such a bad thing to say to someone that I was dealing with as a friend. It doesn't make sense to me. Which is why I wondered if in his mind this was more than just a friendly meeting. I am perfectly willing to state that I made a bad turn here, but I would like to correct that and the way to do that imo is to understand what the heck happened in the first place

[NYCmitch25]

LOL LOL Nooooo sociopaths! Prior to this, we had carried on a lot of conversations on the phone and through email (when he was out of the country) and he was always thoughtful, intelligent, funny, and well spoken.

 

Going back to when we were physically working together he was always relaxed, confident and polite. I was initially attracted to him because of that, and over the two years I became more so. So definitely more than looks going on......

 

I was thrown off by how he acted because it was so drastically out of character for him! And really would like to understand why he would just flip like that!!

 

I AM still attracted to him but since he'd told me he wasn't interested, I kept everything with him on that friend level...figuring when he got back home we'd have a good friendship and thinking MAYBE it could go into something else....but at the meeting I also wanted to keep it friendly...no pressure just chill and see what happens.

 

I have changed in the last couple of years, yes. Lost a few pounds and no longer have a job that means I run around in sneakers and jeans all the time. I guess maybe I underestimated something here.

 

I have come to care about him a lot as a person and would welcome the opportunity to date him, IF that's where his head is now. At least long enough to figure out whether or not there's potential for more than a friendship here. Make sense?

 

So he's a lot like me but not as good looking.. got it. :-P OK so you sound like a catch so if it doesn't work out with him give me a call... we can spend long summer nights combing out my long pointy ears (see picture). I don't like giving specific advice but I feel like I owe you something... here goes .. lol

 

Well I think you need to decide if taking the plunge is worth it, it's hard to gage this guy, is he with someone, and if not, why not. How does he see you, etc. etc. ..

 

Honestly I don't think it really matters, we all aren't getting any younger, I would personally find a clever way to go for it.

 

So what are the options?

 

1. You could do nothing, be his friend, by his side, watching him date and do whatever. I don't recommend to do what you have been doing since the "I have a crush" speech.

 

2. You could try to just spend a lot of time together outside of work, but not push things as trying to spend time with him would be pushy enough. You know him, you know what he likes, you know he likes food (he ate that food like a pet dog), make him some meals, go to the movies, etc. etc. This is slow, could be time wasting but lowers risk, also you could feel a bigger burn if it doesn't work out. But I would say def. worth it.

 

3. You could just try to tell him your feelings, just be like I want you. If you do this, it's a repeat, not really an option I would take.

 

 

 

Hence, option 2 seems like the only one left. You could get complicated and kind of introduce a little competition into the mix and so forth. Maybe if things don't go in the direction you want you bring up the idea of seeing Mr' Bad idea or something.. lol btw, whats wrong with mr. bad idea anyway?

[Lady_J]

So he's a lot like me but not as good looking.. got it. :-P OK so you sound like a catch so if it doesn't work out with him give me a call... we can spend long summer nights combing out my long pointy ears (see picture). I don't like giving specific advice but I feel like I owe you something... here goes .. lol

 

Aww Mitch you sound like a sweetie, thank you and if i'm ever in your part of town and this doesn't work, you got a date pumpkin. As long as we're both clear that's what it is and i'll even provide the belly rubs

 

Honestly I don't think it really matters, we all aren't getting any younger, I would personally find a clever way to go for it.

 

There's been a fair amount of cleverness throughout the whole thing actually. At some point we went an entire month only speaking to each other in quotes, some of which got a little um interesting. I likened the whole thing to us both having some similar barriers/needs for barriers....or to put it bluntly, how do two porcupines mate? Very carefully.

 

 

So what are the options?

 

1. You could do nothing, be his friend, by his side, watching him date and do whatever. I don't recommend to do what you have been doing since the "I have a crush" speech.

 

2. You could try to just spend a lot of time together outside of work, but not push things as trying to spend time with him would be pushy enough. You know him, you know what he likes, you know he likes food (he ate that food like a pet dog), make him some meals, go to the movies, etc. etc. This is slow, could be time wasting but lowers risk, also you could feel a bigger burn if it doesn't work out. But I would say def. worth it.

 

3. You could just try to tell him your feelings, just be like I want you. If you do this, it's a repeat, not really an option I would take.

 

 

 

Hence, option 2 seems like the only one left. You could get complicated and kind of introduce a little competition into the mix and so forth. Maybe if things don't go in the direction you want you bring up the idea of seeing Mr' Bad idea or something.. lol btw, whats wrong with mr. bad idea anyway?

 

I actually like option 2 as well. I'd made him his favorite pie and brought it with me as a welcome home gift, and he has emailed me thanking me for it...I picked up on him saying how much he enjoyed eating, I am/was considering asking him over for some fresh baking but didn't know if after the whole (un)date thing that would be wise....Mr. Bad Idea was a bad idea because he's 20 years older than me and never been in a serious relationship. I think that spells trouble of some type and wish to avoid that. Aside from that he was really rude and disgusting the day he kissed me, he also managed to insult a good portion of my family.

[InceptorsRule]

No, I never would have brought it up, he asked. I told him Bad Subject, he asked what happened, I said he was inappropriate, he asked me how he was inappropriate so then I told him about the unwelcome kiss.

 

He did not know about the other guy kissing you until you TOLD him about it. You have to take some degree of responsibility for your role in these male-female interactions.

 

Actually, as something of an aside, do you see a possible pattern developing in your interactions with guys? As to the guy who "inappropriately kissed" you, tell me something--what made the kiss inappropriate? Were you out on a "date" or a "non date" with the guy who kissed you? Or something well--"ambiguous"?

 

If you were out on a "date" with the guy who kissed you, why was kissing you "inappropriate"? Why would the guy who kissed you, misread your signals so badly that he kissed you when it was not welcome?

 

See what's going on here? It's not only the guy you're crushing on who's having trouble "reading" you. It's also the guy who inappropriately kissed you. After all you're all friends, right? The guy who kissed you isn't an ogre, is he?

 

You really really really need to do some thinking of what kinds of signals you are sending out to these guys you're interacting with. Even reading the way you post on the internet, it's very ambiguous and confusing as to what you actually want. In real life you are just taking your chances on misunderstandings developing like with both of these guys unless you are clear with yourself what you want out of a particular relationship and make that as clear as possible to whoever the guy you are with.

 

Even your thread title, "Is this a date or not?" (or whatever the title is) indicates your uncertainty and ambiguity.

 

 

Yes.

 

OK good answer. If your intentions with the guy you are crushing on are romantic, which is what you are confirming here, then it DEFINITELY was a date. You dressed up, you went out for drinks and dinner, with a guy you really like. That's a "date" under any possible reasonable definition of the word.

 

 

 

 

You're right, I had no idea it would be such a bad thing to say to someone that I was dealing with as a friend. It doesn't make sense to me.

 

The point is not that it was intrinsically a "bad" thing to say to a guy you were out on a date with. After all he could have just laughed it off. The point is that you need to be more aware of the reasonable range of possible reactions that other people might have in an admittedly ambiguous situation. Look this guy knew you liked him, and although at first he told you he wasn't interested, he did go out on a date with you. You showed up all dolled up and as you say, were looking good and dressed up in a way that maybe he hadn't perceived you before. So maybe he was starting to think of you as potential girlfriend material.

 

In any event talking about other guys kissing you on a date with a guy that you are hopeful will take a romantic interest in you is not generally something that is advisable in any dating situation. Think about it. Why would a guy you are on a date with really want to hear about other men putting the moves on you, even if you're claiming it was unwelcome? Why even go there?

 

It's not a matter of honesty since you certainly I am sure know how to be diplomatic when the situation calls for it.

 

 

 

 

Which is why I wondered if in his mind this was more than just a friendly meeting.

 

Why are you putting the obligation on him to decide what you think the interaction is all about? That's not fair. That's what I was talking about before about how women deliberately leave things ambiguous when they think it's to their advantage. If you were really that curious about whether HE thought it was a date or not, why not just ask him?

 

Look you dressed up for it like it was a date, and you did activities which constitute a date--man, woman, drinks, dinner, dressed up, romantic interest = "date." Let me ask you what about this scenario makes it NOT a date in your mind?

 

 

 

 

I am perfectly willing to state that I made a bad turn here, but I would like to correct that and the way to do that imo is to understand what the heck happened in the first place

 

If you don't understand what happened, then you just need to think about what happened some more. Unfortunately none of us were there but you, we don't know the body language, the non verbal clues, the words used, or anything. If you want to know what HE thought about it, unfortunately the only way to find out is to have a serious talk with him. Apologize if you caused him any confusion but be honest and tell him that you're interested in him romantically. There's no "let's just be friends" between a man and woman. He either wants to have an actual relationship with you, or FWB/f buddy, or he's not sure and is contemplating it.

 

On the other hand if you really just want to be platonic friends with this guy (which you've said you don't) then don't do things which are "date-like" such as dressing up and going out for drinks and dinner one on one with this guy.

[Lady_J]

He did not know about the other guy kissing you until you TOLD him about it. You have to take some degree of responsibility for your role in these male-female interactions.

 

You are right. I agree with that.

 

Actually, as something of an aside, do you see a possible pattern developing in your interactions with guys? As to the guy who "inappropriately kissed" you, tell me something--what made the kiss inappropriate? Were you out on a "date" or a "non date" with the guy who kissed you? Or something well--"ambiguous"?

 

If you were out on a "date" with the guy who kissed you, why was kissing you "inappropriate"? Why would the guy who kissed you, misread your signals so badly that he kissed you when it was not welcome?

 

See what's going on here? It's not only the guy you're crushing on who's having trouble "reading" you. It's also the guy who inappropriately kissed you. After all you're all friends, right? The guy who kissed you isn't an ogre, is he?

 

Actually the guy was an ogre. I had been with him a couple of times for dinners that were professionally motivated, never a date...we organize within our community. I had a few phone conversations with him where he started to indicate he was interested in me romantically and I told him flat out I was NOT interested in him in that way, on more than one occasion even. The time he kissed me, he had dropped by my grandmother's 90th bday party....whereupon he proceeded to letch at my aunt, cousins and then when I ushered him to the door (he was totally stoned) he grabbed me and kissed me. I found that inappropriate to the extreme esp considering that there was NOTHING ambiguous about how I felt about him. Didn't like him, wasn't my type and had told him so.

 

 

Even your thread title, "Is this a date or not?" (or whatever the title is) indicates your uncertainty and ambiguity.

 

What you are calling ambiguity, I think is just plain ole uncertainty. I haven't dated in more than 10 years. I don't know what the rules are. I only try to deal with everything as it comes. I'm not trying to project anything other than honesty.

 

 

 

 

OK good answer. If your intentions with the guy you are crushing on are romantic, which is what you are confirming here, then it DEFINITELY was a date. You dressed up, you went out for drinks and dinner, with a guy you really like. That's a "date" under any possible reasonable definition of the word.

 

Ok I can take that and use it as the definition from here forward.

 

 

The point is not that it was intrinsically a "bad" thing to say to a guy you were out on a date with. After all he could have just laughed it off. The point is that you need to be more aware of the reasonable range of possible reactions that other people might have in an admittedly ambiguous situation. Look this guy knew you liked him, and although at first he told you he wasn't interested, he did go out on a date with you. You showed up all dolled up and as you say, were looking good and dressed up in a way that maybe he hadn't perceived you before. So maybe he was starting to think of you as potential girlfriend material.

 

In any event talking about other guys kissing you on a date with a guy that you are hopeful will take a romantic interest in you is not generally something that is advisable in any dating situation. Think about it. Why would a guy you are on a date with really want to hear about other men putting the moves on you, even if you're claiming it was unwelcome? Why even go there?

 

No you're right. I honestly was reacting to him like he'd said, he wanted to be friends. I would have told any of my friends what happened had they asked! Had I KNOWN he had changed his mind and was considering the meeting as a date, maybe I would have handled it differently. That's all i'm saying. I felt like a fish out of water. Expecting to play checkers and he sets up a dartboard!

 

 

 

 

Why are you putting the obligation on him to decide what you think the interaction is all about? That's not fair. That's what I was talking about before about how women deliberately leave things ambiguous when they think it's to their advantage. If you were really that curious about whether HE thought it was a date or not, why not just ask him?

 

What I found not fair is that he changed from deciding he didn't want to be more than friends, without telling me! How the hell was I supposed to know? I was NOT leaving that ambiguous to use to my advantage!! And ftr I did ask him this morning. He said he did.

 

Look you dressed up for it like it was a date, and you did activities which constitute a date--man, woman, drinks, dinner, dressed up, romantic interest = "date." Let me ask you what about this scenario makes it NOT a date in your mind?

 

As I said the only thing that told me it wasn't was his previous statement that we were just to be friends. Period. I didn't dress up for him, I just dress differently now than I used to when he was here.

 

 

 

There's no "let's just be friends" between a man and woman. He either wants to have an actual relationship with you, or FWB/f buddy, or he's not sure and is contemplating it.

 

On the other hand if you really just want to be platonic friends with this guy (which you've said you don't) then don't do things which are "date-like" such as dressing up and going out for drinks and dinner one on one with this guy.

 

Ordinarily I'd agree with that statement. The let's just be friends thing. I'm more of the opinion now that I have to be able to be friends with the guy in order to figure out if pursuing something romantic is possible.

 

In any case, I am appreciative of your input and insight. I apologize for initially thinking you were just attacking me. I am going to be as clear as I can be with him from this point on. Otherwise its just too weird. Particularly since I am a pragmatist.