blackorchid Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Hello all! I'm new so I wasn't sure under which subforum to post this. I need some advice. So, I just moved to a new apartment building. This is the first time living on my own, by myself, so it would be nice to know someone in the building that is my age, however not necessary. So, the guy 5 doors down..... He may or may not be dating someone. Honestly, that's okay although I do find him attractive. I would be cool with just being friends with him possibly once I've gotten to know him. Long story not so short: I made, what I believe was a bad first impression. Now I see him across the walkway (too far away to say anything because I would be yelling) and I wave when I see him and he waves back. And this happens now everyday since I moved in a week or so ago. I want to talk to him but I don't want to invade his personal space or creep him out (I'll be living near this guy so I'll have to see him and don't want to mess this up because it could be awkward). Another problem. I get/got extremely nervous around him and if I'm ever going to make a good impression that has to stop.
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 What is the first bad impression you think you made on him? What happened? To answer this and weigh in, we need specifics.
Author blackorchid Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 I was sitting outside at the "community table", which is located nearer to his apartment with another woman that has been living there for 10 years. I brought him up saying I've seen him but not met him yet, and she said that she would introduce us sometime. She mentioned that she thinks he's beautiful, the quiet type, that he works in sex research at the university, and he's extremely intelligent. I was nervous before hearing all that. So, of course, moments later, he arrives home, she calls him over and I get anxious. my lady friend: hey come over here....I want to introduce you to someone...this is ... he reaches out to shake my hand I say hi, he smiles he asks where I moved from and I gave him a street address of my last place instead of telling him, ya know, where I'm from from. he pauses and says sorry I'm not that familiar with this town yet. I say its by the mall my lady friend starts to tell him how beautiful she thinks he is and I akwardly laugh and smile, not knowing what to say. (She's kind of strange) She starts talking to him about some inside joke they have about videos of at the sex research department at the university. And I say, what you're in charge of porn tapes? he doesn't really respond partly because my lady friend is talking a mile a minute, I think. A few moments later I say sorry I have to go change my laundry, and walk away. As I'm walking away he says it was nice meeting you and I say something like yup and continue walking. Now, I just wave down the long hall and he kinda waves back with a no-teeth grin and it's awkward.
kdark Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I don't think you blew it. You're just extremely nervous.
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I was sitting outside at the "community table", which is located nearer to his apartment with another woman that has been living there for 10 years. I brought him up saying I've seen him but not met him yet, and she said that she would introduce us sometime. She mentioned that she thinks he's beautiful, the quiet type, that he works in sex research at the university, and he's extremely intelligent. I was nervous before hearing all that. So, of course, moments later, he arrives home, she calls him over and I get anxious. my lady friend: hey come over here....I want to introduce you to someone...this is ... he reaches out to shake my hand I say hi, he smiles he asks where I moved from and I gave him a street address of my last place instead of telling him, ya know, where I'm from from. he pauses and says sorry I'm not that familiar with this town yet. I say its by the mall my lady friend starts to tell him how beautiful she thinks he is and I akwardly laugh and smile, not knowing what to say. (She's kind of strange) She starts talking to him about some inside joke they have about videos of at the sex research department at the university. And I say, what you're in charge of porn tapes? he doesn't really respond partly because my lady friend is talking a mile a minute, I think. A few moments later I say sorry I have to go change my laundry, and walk away. As I'm walking away he says it was nice meeting you and I say something like yup and continue walking. Now, I just wave down the long hall and he kinda waves back with a no-teeth grin and it's awkward. Sounds like you have just landed at Melrose Place.
O'Malley Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I don't see that exchange as a bad impression. Nothing wrong with saying hello when you see him, plenty of eye contact, casually starting up a discussion about work/the neighborhood/anything else. Make sure that your strange neighbor isn't present to usurp the conversation. Keep in mind the same hazards apply as with dating a coworker --- exciting while it lasts, but uncomfortable once things end.
Author blackorchid Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 Thank you all for your replies. Yes, dating would probably be a terrible idea. The thing is, when he comes home he gets out of his car and goes into his apartment. I can't really catch him unless one day we pass each other going to the laundry room or dumpster. Basically, yeah, I panicked. I want him to come to me but I'm not sure if that's going to happen. I want to talk to him but not sure of the best way to do so without creeping him out. So, glad you all don't seem to think I blew it. I don't want to start nocking on his door if it may be unwanted. Gaah. Afraid I'm going to come off as creepy or intrusive.
Author blackorchid Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 Oooo. And yes, he was smiling the whole two seconds we were meeting so I hope that's a good thing. He was wearing shades so making eye contact was difficult. lol
sugarmomma Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Act uninterested. That will let him know you're not a stalker. Please don't ask him out and let him initiate a convo with you.
skydiveaddict Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Act uninterested. That will let him know you're not a stalker. Please don't ask him out and let him initiate a convo with you. Yea I agree with this he should have the guts to come to you. Never knew a girl who wanted to date a wimp
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Adopt the position that if he comes to you, fine- if he doesn't- don't chase him. Never chase a guy.
Author blackorchid Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 This will be difficult. Don't think he's going to make the first move or whatever but who knows. I especially don't believe he will because I think my first impression made me seem rude and disinterested.
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 This will be difficult. Don't think he's going to make the first move or whatever but who knows. I especially don't believe he will because I think my first impression made me seem rude and disinterested. Don't chase regardless. A guy that continually runs past you to get to his apartment can't be all that interested, so why go out of your way to attract him?
O'Malley Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 This will be difficult. Don't think he's going to make the first move or whatever but who knows. I especially don't believe he will because I think my first impression made me seem rude and disinterested. Briefly smile at him, eye contact and maybe drop a line or two casually, but don't go out of your way to approach him (definitely nowhere near his door). See if he takes some initiative to talk to you. And yes, if he consistently scurries off to his apartment like a cockroach fleeing the light, there's really no potential here.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Thank you all for your replies. Yes, dating would probably be a terrible idea. The thing is, when he comes home he gets out of his car and goes into his apartment. I can't really catch him unless one day we pass each other going to the laundry room or dumpster. Basically, yeah, I panicked. I want him to come to me but I'm not sure if that's going to happen. I want to talk to him but not sure of the best way to do so without creeping him out. So, glad you all don't seem to think I blew it. I don't want to start nocking on his door if it may be unwanted. Gaah. Afraid I'm going to come off as creepy or intrusive. Its ok I don't think you blew it either I've been in that kinda situation before my bf worked for a local shop I liked him I knew it so I would purposely go there and buy my cat litter even if I didn't "need" it that was the standard "thing to run to the shop for" at one point I had bags of the stuff stacked up in the corner I kid you not lol... You need to do the same in a way maybe do LOTS of washing or get into some gardening out front were he will walk by. Just something to make sure you are in the vicinity to strike up a convo it works! Trust me we still joke about my cat litter to this day... But hey it worked were going on 14 monthes now together best of luck...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Hello all! I'm new so I wasn't sure under which subforum to post this. I need some advice. So, I just moved to a new apartment building. This is the first time living on my own, by myself, so it would be nice to know someone in the building that is my age, however not necessary. So, the guy 5 doors down..... He may or may not be dating someone. Honestly, that's okay although I do find him attractive. I would be cool with just being friends with him possibly once I've gotten to know him. Long story not so short: I made, what I believe was a bad first impression. Now I see him across the walkway (too far away to say anything because I would be yelling) and I wave when I see him and he waves back. And this happens now everyday since I moved in a week or so ago. I want to talk to him but I don't want to invade his personal space or creep him out (I'll be living near this guy so I'll have to see him and don't want to mess this up because it could be awkward). Another problem. I get/got extremely nervous around him and if I'm ever going to make a good impression that has to stop. Time is your ally - just let time pass. Not intentionally, but just... with the comfort of knowing where he lives, and knowing you'll see him steadily, so that nothing big need happen right here and now. In due time you will get your chance at him.
InceptorsRule Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 OP, I suggest that if you really want to get to know this man better, as a neighborly gesture, bake him a cake, and then jump out of it naked.
Author blackorchid Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 update. He happened to walk by when I was going outside. I said hi and he said how are you? and kept walking. The next day I was outside and he introduced me to his GIRLFRIEND. Knew it. And she is probably the most beautiful girl I've seen in real life. ahaha. At least I know I have good taste in men.
D-Lish Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 update. He happened to walk by when I was going outside. I said hi and he said how are you? and kept walking. The next day I was outside and he introduced me to his GIRLFRIEND. Knew it. And she is probably the most beautiful girl I've seen in real life. ahaha. At least I know I have good taste in men. There's your answer- too bad, but time to move on:o
jamesum Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 (edited) Dont date your apartment neighbor! Please! Its as stupid as dating a housemate. Act uninterested.Lol, no offense, but people who were born in 1950s shouldn't be giving dating advices to Generation Y. Acting uninterested just makes guys think you are a bitch. I agree however that a girl shouldnt persistently pursue a guy unless he is the very quiet type. Edited September 6, 2010 by jamesum
Arbitrariness Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I totally agree that pretending to be uninterested is a bad way to attract a person who doesn't know you. I don't see why someone can't just be a friendly neighbour (bake him a cake, invite him round for dinner) as a means to establish a relationship, platonic or otherwise.
Mad Max Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Act uninterested. That will let him know you're not a stalker. Please don't ask him out and let him initiate a convo with you. Yea I agree with this he should have the guts to come to you. Never knew a girl who wanted to date a wimp Adopt the position that if he comes to you, fine- if he doesn't- don't chase him. Never chase a guy. Terrible advice. You want something, you go get it. Of course, women don't want to give up something that benefits them. Why would any man want a woman who acts unintrested? It's easy for women to say "let him do the asking", "let him initiate all conversations", "act unintrested"... It makes it alot harder for the guy, while for the woman it's extremley easy, she just needs to sit back and let him do all the "work". One thing I have noticed is that it's really only women who say stuff like that, I have never seen a man say he wants the woman to act unintrested, play hard to get and let him do all the chasing etc etc... It works to your advantage to let him initiate everything and put in all the effort. Yeah, I've never seen a guy with this attitude. All this is, is getting all the perks of equality while refusing to give up anything. Kind of hypocritical if you ask me. Lol, no offense, but people who were born in 1950s shouldn't be giving dating advices to Generation Y. Acting uninterested just makes guys think you are a bitch. I agree however that a girl shouldnt persistently pursue a guy unless he is the very quiet type. Not necessarily a b*tch, but it's part of playing hard to get and a huge turn off. I've moved on from girls that played hard to get. And they have the nerve to complain when the guy doesn't stick around.
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