Castillo Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 (edited) I started a fwb relationship with a girl in January 2008 who it quickly became apparent had some enormous emotional issues. I stuck with it in the beginning because the sex was really good, but we both became emotionally involved after a few months. Before I met her she was dating a married man and continued to date him on/off during our relationship. This being a fwb relationship I felt I had no right to stop this. This married man lived in another country nearby and she would regularly flit between the two countries. Fast forward to December 2008 and things had cooled off with us (I had some major personal problems at the time) when she announced that she had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. I really felt sorry for her and wanted to do the best I could for her. However, it also came out that she was now involved with another married man and was declaring her undying love for him! She kept telling me she "loved me as a friend". She's from eastern Europe and comes from a wealthy background there. This new married man is from Nigeria. I do not want to offend any Nigerians on here and I am not being racist when I say that I feel that Nigeria has a criminal culture. Because of her wealth and mental instability I felt that she was ripe for the picking from a potential nigerian conman. I had very mixed emotions about all of this - I wanted to run away from it all there and then but I felt it would be so callous for me to do that. I put them to one side and was there for her. Selfishly, I also felt that with the nigerian married man there for support that the burden was reduced for me. She had several chemotherapy treatments where her hair fell out and I was emotionally there for her and had to listen to her wailing down the phone which was very upsetting for me. Fast forward to this year and I've not seen her in person since July 2009. She's still with the married man and has a rocky relationship with him. Cancer aside, this girl is the biggest car crash I've ever seen and there was no way any I was going to get involved with this girl again. I'd been gently trying to let the relationship fade away. I didn't call her much, and didn't always return her calls. A couple of months back she called me several times all happy and bubbly. She had finished with the married man, coming back to my country and it appeared she wanted us to continue where we left off 18 months previous! This was never going to happen and I didn't call her at all hoping she would get the message. Sunday night she calls me. She is here in my country. Her MSN is not working properly and she is try to talk to the married man! She virtually orders me to come around and fix it! I ask her why does she call me and she replies "I love you as a friend" I calmly and without any emotion tell her that it is over and it has been over for very long time. I lied and told her that I now have a girlfriend and that we have both agreed that it is for the best that I do not see her again. She went quiet, said goodbye and put the phone down. I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted from me. I feel that the sympathy and compassion I showed her for her illness was taken advantage of to the nth degree. She was never my responsibility. I feel a little guilt for this, but not much. This is a very long post and thankyou for reading this I wanted to get this off my chest. Edited August 18, 2010 by Castillo take out duplicated text
a_woman Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 you sound like a really good person but I'm glad you drew the line and established your bounderies. If her boyfriend visits Nigeria much she has a high chance of becoming HIV+ anyway. It is extremely likely that he sleeps with many women.
carhill Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 From reading your post, it sounds like she was never your friend either, rather just another Hoover, sucking the life out of whomever passed her way and looked generous. FWB, by definition, is zero emotional attachment, and, IMO, it was your interest which drove the subsequent dynamic. The clear unhealthiness was the focus on all her drama. Good choice and well done. Hope the peace and quiet is a positive change
meerkat stew Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Very interesting story, thanks for sharing. You handled it very well.
Author Castillo Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 (edited) If her boyfriend visits Nigeria much she has a high chance of becoming HIV+ anyway. It is extremely likely that he sleeps with many women. Yes, I'd thought of that too and was one of the many reasons not to have anything more to do with her. This married Nigerian converted her faith from Islam to Christianity, yet he cannot even follow God's 10 Commandments What a hypocrite and more the fool her for falling for that crap! She lost my respect for not seeing crap like that a long time ago. Edited August 18, 2010 by Castillo spelling
bobdole Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Reminds me of a girl I dated. On the 3rd date she told me she had had a brain tumor, surgery, then chemo. I felt bad and it really had nothing to do with her health but I didn't see it going anywhere and told her so. I'm quite sure she thought I dumped her because of her past cancer which makes me feel guilty, but gotta do what I gotta do. Alteast she wasn't crazy, just a little "off".
AverageJoe Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Its not your problem man, you did the right thing. You were a sucker long enough.
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