counterman Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 There is this girl who I have been suspecting of being interested in me. I did consider dating her but after talking to her for a while I didn't feel that urge to see her again. She's good to me and I can see that she does like me, but I just don't feel the same. It hurt me when she asked why I didn't sit next to her in class. To be honest, it just never came up. I always sat next to my friends and she sat next to her friends. I don't know. I just feel so guilty. I don't want to hurt her, but I think my reluctance is making her more inclined towards me. I am still friendly but haven't been suggestive. What do I do?
mustangguy29 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 The longer you drag it out, the more it will hurt her. If you don't have the courage to tell her how you feel (and I don't mean that as an insult), I think the best thing you can do is tell her what a great FRIEND she is. Continue dropping the F bomb and hope that she gets the picture.
Author counterman Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 I think if I notice something similar to what happened, I will tell her straight. If she shows any signs of emotional attachment or intimate intentions, I will just tell her. It has happened in the past and the girls just usually disappear. But, you know what? They always said they were my friend and never told me how they felt about me directly. I still felt guilty though. Maybe I did signal interest at the beginning but the thing is I never asked her out on a date. I haven't been flirting with her or anything.
CaliGuy Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 HEEEEEEEEEY! Welcome to my life!!! Different context of course but in your case you need to either ask her out or move on. I will say this though, if you like her and let her know, she won't be interested. If you really don't like her she won't leave you alone. That's the rule of life for me, the only difference is whether I like them or not, there still won't be a relationship. CaliGuy is the worst at connecting himself to the RIGHT woman. You'd think at 41 I'd have this down by now but the more I clear things up, the more complicated it gets. Cheers
Author counterman Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Caliguy, you've probably given advice to help others, who may have connected with the right women. So, that's a plus. That's the feeling I am getting now. She seems a bit tentative with the way she is with my recently. On the contrary, I think if I do tell her I like her, she will think "relationship" straight away. She hasn't been in a relationship before. But I do agree that I don't like her, she won't leave me alone. I've noticed ever since we met up, she was more bitter towards me for a little while by dishing out little insults but then its back to normal. She seemed really nervous, I grant you that and it was comfortable. She said I was easy to talk to. Why don't like I her? Well, for one she's too conservative for me, as harsh as that sounds. I want a girl who's more extroverted and is up for some risks. Someone who isn't afraid to flirt a little. With this girl, we always talk about "safe" topics i.e. classes, work, studies, etc, even when I try to talk about other things. I want to discuss a variety of things. Another reason is that I am not physically attracted to her. She is cute and pretty, don't get me wrong, but I don't feel that pull I get with other girls. When I first met her, I was really interested. She had me nervous. But now... I don't think so. She's a good girl, and I don't see that many genuinely nice girls, but she likes the wrong guy.
meerkat stew Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 You are overthinking. As of now there isn't even a relationship and you have made all these extrapolations. Just continue with your life, be nice to her, maintain healthy distance. If she asks you out, tell her thanks but that you aren't interested. Try to short circuit thinking about this. Don't let it "break your heart" every time someone wants you and you don't have the same feelings in return, it's life, it's not your fault. In all likelihood she will be just fine.
Author counterman Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 You're right. It's just the way it is. If I'm not interested, then I am not. Nothing I can do about. Thanks Meerkat
amagordos Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Please don't lead this girl on. I have been in her shoes before and I know exactly how it feels when a guy is not intersted, but he is trying so hard not to tell you. I agree with the friend thing, refer to her as your friend and I'm sure she will get the hint. Whatever you do, don't compliment her and don't ignore her either. That's painful. Think about how you would want someone you care for, that doesn't feel the same for you, to inform you of their feelings.
Author counterman Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 That's the thing. I don't want to lead her on. If I was interested in a girl and she wasn't interested in me, I would want her to tell me straight that she wasn't interested but that's only if I ask her out (which I usually do if I'm interested in a girl). I am not asking this girl out, I am not asking for us to meet up and I have only initiated a bit of contact. I will refer to her as my friend. Last time she brought up why I didn't sit next to her in class, I asked her if anything is wrong? And she just waved it away.
zengirl Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 There is this girl who I have been suspecting of being interested in me. I did consider dating her but after talking to her for a while I didn't feel that urge to see her again. She's good to me and I can see that she does like me, but I just don't feel the same. It hurt me when she asked why I didn't sit next to her in class. To be honest, it just never came up. I always sat next to my friends and she sat next to her friends. I don't know. I just feel so guilty. I don't want to hurt her, but I think my reluctance is making her more inclined towards me. I am still friendly but haven't been suggestive. What do I do? At this stage? Let it burn out and don't initiate contact with her, even general friendliness (but don't act like a jerk), besides a wave and a smile as a brief hello, if polite. Really, she hasn't asked you out. Turning down men/women who haven't asked you out or made any real advances is a bit rude.
Author counterman Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 Exactly, she hasn't asked me out and she is not going to I'm pretty sure. From all my similar experiences, girls that got close to me as friends never asked me out and just disappeared on me. I won't initiate any contact. If she initiates contact with me, I will be civil but not overly friendly. That's the thing... everytime I think she has stopped contacting me, she contacts me again and I can see something is bothering her.
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