guccichick Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Okay well, my husband left me.. just up and moved out after 8 years of being together- 4 years of it was hell on me being he stopped caring, and wasn't emotionally there anymore.. he's been cheating. I found someone else. We have been together for months, and he moved in with me. He's wonderful- a little messy, but other than that, absolutely wonderful. I feel so much with him, and I just..am happy with him. Here's the problem-- I am starting to get insecure. Sometimes the little things he does- sometimes reminds me of my heartless soon to be ex husband. I don't mean that he intentionally goes and does these things.... or he does them to make me upset.. it just does because I'm not used to being treated so well, and i guess in my mind, somethings gonna go wrong. =( It's all weird I guess, and I have to get used to it. For a LONG time, I wanted my husband to just.. act like he cared.. to once in a while talk to me, or take walks or whatever- and not be so distant or hateful. I have all that now, so why am I expecting it to go wrong. Why do I expect him to cheat on me? How do I stop feeling this way? It's not fair to me or him. =(
mustangguy29 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 why am I expecting it to go wrong. Why do I expect him to cheat on me? How do I stop feeling this way? It's not fair to me or him. =( The human mind is designed to detect patterns, so we often see them even if they aren't there. The human mind is also designed to be more tuned to react to threats than to ignore them. For millions of years if there was a rustle in the bushes and you reacted and were wrong, nothing bad happened, but if you chose not to react and were wrong, you got eaten by a tiger. Consequently humans are more risk adverse. This pattern has even been shown to exist in a species of monkey that broke off from the human evolutionary pattern 35 million years ago, so this is very much imbued into primate DNA. Your life experience has only reinforced this. There is nothing wrong with you, you are just reacting as you are designed, but fortunately, you are smart enough to recognize this and over time consciously choose to act in a different manner, so that you can find happiness.
Recommended Posts