Outofluck Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 To keep it simple, I'm a 36 year old guy and very interested in a 24 year old girl. There is often some mild, playful flirting between the two of us but I'm not sure I can pursue it any further than that. Through casual conversations she has stated that her max age limit is 7 years older..obviously younger than me. Still, though, I get good vibes from her. My question is this: if a girl has made that type of decision, will she be hell-bent on sticking to it or would she ever make an exception? I'm simply wondering so that I can change my mindset to friendship rather than the possibility of a relationship. Thanks in advance for any advice/ thoughts. -Jay
caramel c Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I think if you really want to know, go ahead and ask her. But when you do, ask her if she'd go out with YOU, without mentioning the age difference because she already knows how old you are. If she is interested she will say yes.
Stung Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Stuff like that usually falls under 'guideline' rather than 'strict rule.' I would think she was probably swayable, if she is flirting with you already...although then I would wonder why she ever mentioned it in the first place, if she wasn't planning on sticking to it. Some women would bring this up to warn you off, but she might have just been replying honestly to you questioning her, or kind of thinking out loud, or mentioning how she's operated in the past. Impossible to know without a lot more context, including things like voice inflection. Can't know until you try, I guess. 36 and 24 isn't that big of a deal, although if you do embark on a real relationship you could certainly encounter problems stemming from different life stages.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I don't think she's even thinking about you that way if she told you that she wouldn't date anyone who was over 7 years older than her and knew you were over 7 years older. If you were making her doubt that guideline that she follows, then she probably wouldn't have mentioned it to you at all in the first place. But that's just a guess. I don't know her and I can't read her mind.
carhill Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 OP, your post prompted me to recall one of the few confluences of attraction *and* the single girl that I experienced in my life... I heard the same thing, except the reverse, me being ten years younger, and did ask her out anyway and was rejected. A little over a year later she married a guy exactly my age. Hope you fare better The moral of the story is, one, a woman can and will throw out 'rules' if she's attracted to a man and/or two, a woman can and will lie about her 'reasons' for rejecting a man's romantic advances.
Ilovecake Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Age is very subjective. I would say her mentioning the 7 year age gap rides a lot on what context she mentioned that in.
Mutant Debutante Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Well I'm 24 and I don't think I would mention age rules unless some guy I thought was into me was outside of my preferences, and I was trying to break it to him before he made things awkward. But Stung has a point, sometimes I do just say things when I'm thinking out loud, and not really taking a hard stance.
Dazzel Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 It won't hurt to ask. But the fact she told you her age limit doesn't sound like she is. Just being honest. You could always try. I am nearly 23 and I love older men. Not old enough to be my dad, of course. But I don't mind dating a guy 10 years older than me. Something about it is just really sexy.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Whatever you do, don't ask her about it. If you are interested in her, just ask her out. This is your best shot. If she says yes, you have your answer. If she says no, it doesn't matter.
that girl Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 If she knows you are 36 and told you that she wouldn't date anyone past 31, she was either letting you know she wouldn't consider dating you or it hasn't even occured to her that you two could date (meaning you are totally off her sexual radar). If she said it casually to a friend before she really knew you and you somehow heard about it, there could be some wiggle room.
zengirl Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 To keep it simple, I'm a 36 year old guy and very interested in a 24 year old girl. There is often some mild, playful flirting between the two of us but I'm not sure I can pursue it any further than that. Through casual conversations she has stated that her max age limit is 7 years older..obviously younger than me. Still, though, I get good vibes from her. My question is this: if a girl has made that type of decision, will she be hell-bent on sticking to it or would she ever make an exception? I'm simply wondering so that I can change my mindset to friendship rather than the possibility of a relationship. Thanks in advance for any advice/ thoughts. -Jay I would never make an exception to mine, it's similar, and I'm just a little older than her. I wouldn't date a fellow as old as you. For various reasons. Especially if she said it directly to you, I'd say that if she's at all sane, she was telling you she didn't want to date you. Sanity should never be taken for granted though. Some, rare people will make up arbitrary dealbreakers to people they want to date and tell the people these dealbreakers to see if they will persist regardless. This is very rare, but I've seen it happen. Of course, these people are lunatics. So. . . why hope someone you like is a lunatic? I agree with those who say that asking her out directly is the best way to get the confirmation you need here.
WalkInThePark Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I have never liked my partners to be more than 7/8 years older than me and it would take a lot to change my mind. If she is only 24, there is absolutely no reason for her to date a guy of 36. Why do you want someone 12 years younger than yourself? Anyway, all you can do is ask her. Don't lie about your age, that in any case will give her a negative impression.
Author Outofluck Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 I have never liked my partners to be more than 7/8 years older than me and it would take a lot to change my mind. If she is only 24, there is absolutely no reason for her to date a guy of 36. Why do you want someone 12 years younger than yourself? Anyway, all you can do is ask her. Don't lie about your age, that in any case will give her a negative impression. Thank you all for the information and input. I guess I really don't know why..other than I just really like her, haven't felt this way in many years, if ever. I don't really think of the difference when we're together but I don't want to make her uncomfortable by asking her out since I genuinely enjoy her company..wouldn't want it to be awkward after that. But who knows, maybe I'll get lucky. Thanks again.
confused192 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 It won't hurt to ask. But the fact she told you her age limit doesn't sound like she is. Just being honest. You could always try. I am nearly 23 and I love older men. Not old enough to be my dad, of course. But I don't mind dating a guy 10 years older than me. Something about it is just really sexy. Agreed! Older men are sexy! If she is flirting with you, she might be able to be swayed. However, I am not sure I would ask her if she would consider dating you. Maybe just invite her out for a drink one night and if that goes well, invite her out again. Pretty soon, you will have been seeing her for awhile and by that time her declaration of not dating someone more than 7 years older might not mean so much...she will have been seeing you! I guess bottom line is keep it very casual and see how just hanging out with her for awhile goes.
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