kickintheaz Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 hello LSers... been a while, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=237751 but whilst I lurk among ye I have a question now, again and would appreciate your insight... I can see some of the answers already, but am going over a situation in my head and whilst friends and indeed some threads here have been useful, I'd appreciate any and all opinions, INCL new ones perhaps... I don't speak Venutian very well I am learning.... but clearly not fast enough... I dated a girl recently and this is the SECOND time in about 2 months this has happened... see above link for other story.. now, I have learned lessons and I believe I acted appropriately and indeed was told I was the perfect gent, never pushing, but not wussing out either... -2 weeks, couple of dates had, a good bit of contact (not as much as previous one), initiated and replied to by both parties on a fairly even scale, predominantly after working hours, all txt/phonecalls... there was no major lightning strike with this girl, but a simmering level of attraction building up.. - kissing, hand holding, nothing further - 4 dates in.... Brakes are put on by her. -Reasons: "I am hesitant to get involved, what if it doesn't work out down the line and we can no longer be friends". "I think we get on so so well, I'm just afraid I'll F*&k it up" "I do like you and I think we have great chemistry... but.... " Seriously, what is it? This girl I met online aswell, I have learned she was in a 4+ year relationship which ended 10 months ago and so is totally over him'... its kinda getting ridiculous and having spent a lot of time rebuilding my self esteem and confidence and getting rid of that 'love me' desperate look I had post break up, I'm actually taking a bit of a knock now, not a noticeable one in my projected demeanour, but inside and when alone at night.. I know perhaps online dating may be the common theme, but I live in a small town in Ireland, work colleagues don't socialise, recession has hit the pocket so heading out every weekend clubbing isn't an option, friends scattered in marriages and distant lands or in immature lives (to me).. online is one of the few ways.... yes I have met people in real life when I have been out, but jeez can barely get a first date out of them as in person I gravitate towards women older than me (I am 33) and I find their 'schedules' full of em, gym, housework, family, working late.. etc.. I can spot the red flags so I just don't bother following up after 1 phonecall, though I get sporadic emails from 2 of em, still, months later, basically telling me how their lives are still busy! I do want to date younger than me (simply because those older than me that I have dated (past 4 dates) have been rushing it way too fast due to 'clock' considerations) so I'm aiming for the 27-31 age bracket.. I'd like to spend the time getting to know one person, building the trust and respect and aiming towards marriage and a family and a future, over time, obviously these are not my planned topics of conversation for the initial year at least... but it is something I know I want in life and hence somthing i am looking for in my partner... and I know what may be said, 'if these 2 girls sit on the fence over dating then what will they be like with the big decisions' and no I have not married them in my head, but they DO hold the qualities, or most of em, that I am looking for and I am sincerely attracted to em when I commence the dating ritual.. oh and heres the kicker.. girl from attached story, well, I get the 'hows you keeping' texts from her every now and then, we had a chat before i met recent girl and she was still quite mixed up and 'is the most complicated girl you'll ever meet' in her words.. wants to be friends and sure 'maybe something will happen down the road, can we see how the next few weeks go?'... I told her I wasn't into doing that anymore, we met online cos we fancied each other not because we wanted to be friends.. was a tough line to come out with as I did still like her... oh and she's turning 30 tomorrow and so another 'hows your day' txt came in tonight, I ignored it... I'm not even sure what my question is now... maybe writing it out will prompt LS thoughts or opinions on what is going on, or perhaps ask the questions I cannot see about how I am behaving, acting, etc that I cannot see myself... or maybe the question is, am I destined to just meet mad, confused, indecisive girls for ever and ever and ever......... thanks folks... Kick
that girl Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I do want to date younger than me (simply because those older than me that I have dated (past 4 dates) have been rushing it way too fast due to 'clock' considerations) so I'm aiming for the 27-31 age bracket.. I think 27 is totally fine for a 33 year old, but this stood out to me. You've had four women seem super interested in getting into a relationship, but they don't interest you. The two who interest you are the ones who pull back. This seems like a pattern on your end.
Recommended Posts