NeoGen85 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 In this world today it appears that in a lot of relationships sex plays a bigger role then before. Not to mention it's out in the open. With the idea that "everyone is doing it"; can virginity still be attractive?
bigworm23 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 absolutely....don't have to worry about stds, it's going to be nice and tight (sorry if this is crude), and the girl is going to forever love you. lol..yes, if you play your cards right, it is nice.
carhill Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Can't speak for today's generation, but, in my time, definitely 'no'.
meerkat stew Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 can virginity still be attractive? Devotees of human sacrifice are apparently very much into it if the movies are any indicator.
carhill Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Yes, and I should have specified, from a man's perspective, viewing how women *appeared* to respond to his desire to remain virgin until in a committed relationship leading to marriage. Women definitely did not respond positively. That was the 80's and part of the 90's so perhaps different now.
Mad Max Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 It's going to depend on the person. Some will find it attractive, some couldn't be turned off more, and some don't care either way. I personally wouldn't care if a girl was a virgin and I'd take the virgin over the slut(even if she was a reformed one) 10/10 times.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I'd take that virgin horse-back riding to hopefully crack that damn thing open.
LisaLee Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Noooo.... I prefer my men deflowered. Although the guy I am in a relationship with was a virgin until me. Kind of makes it nice, because I don't have to deal with any past b it ch es.
Dazzel Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 It's not a deciding factor with me but I have had two bad experiences with virgin males. My first boyfriend was a virgin, so was I. I wanted to have sex. He never would. Been with my current boyfriend for almost two years. He is a virgin and won't do it with me. It seems that when you find someone who is older and a virgin these days, they want to save it for marriage or there is a dang good reason why they haven't lost it. I am NOT saying this is true for ALL virgins. Just from what I have seen in person.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I have a guy friend who is a 39 year old virgin (not by choice). He is very socially awkward....not a bad guy, though, but it will be a tough fight for him to lose it.
Jilly Bean Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 OP - I think it depends on your age. Women can get away with being virgins longer than men. But, I think if a guy gets to be in his mid-20's, he's going to raise an eyebrow or two. If he is a virgin over 30, I don't think most women would touch him. For women, I would say the above is true, but add 2-3 years to it. Sex is a normal, healthy, physical need. When someone gets to be too old and a virgin, it generally means there is something wrong with them emotionally, socially, or physically, which makes them wholly undesirable as a partner.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Hey gamma, do you live in Oregon and run a comic book store with your parents? Just wondering.
Dazzel Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 (edited) I'd never reject sex with a woman I'm in a loving relationship with. My current boyfriend uses religion as an excuse. And I am pretty sure this is true. He does not practice his religion actively anymore. Never really did in the first place besides going to church. Hasn't been to church in months now and seems to have distaste for his church these days. Watches some of the most dirty shows ever (which I think is awesome, btw) and does look at porn, but feels guilty about it. He seems to almost think of sex as a bad or negative thing. He doesn't understand why I even want to discuss it. He told me yesterday that I'm actually pretty disgusting in some of the things I tell him. I had menstrual cramps and said that I heard orgasms can sooth them for women. Just a passing thought. He said thought that comment was disgusting. I'm pretty obssessed with this behavior of his lately. Heck, I've made multiple posts about it the last few days, ranting. It's worrying me. He can't even admit hardly that he jacks off, and cannot even bring up the word sperm to his mom (an instance I think of a lot). He seems to think men who prefer not to use a condom is stupid since they do it because 'it feels more natural'. He has nothing to compare it to. He refuses blow jobs and hand jobs. Won't even let me see his penis. Apologizes profusely if he accidently touches my breast or gets even near my crotch. I tell him over and over again I DON'T CARE, TOUCH ME ANYWHERE YOU LIKE. Sometimes thinking about this makes me want to cry. And it depresses the f*ck out of me. I think my perception of virgin males in their twenties or older has been majorly skewed by my personal experiences. I know not all of them have major hangups. Some may be shy but be a dang good lover emotionally AND sexually once they get a taste for it. My first boyfriend had Asperger's syndrome. He was happy to receive but never give. He said I was too hard to please sexually (my medications and nerves make it hard for me to relax and get into it). Always pressuring me to give blowjobs but never would give me oral. And I always did it for him. He said he never wants to have sex. We tried it once. He got too nervous and couldn't keep it up. Never would try it again. He said I should be able to be satisfied never having sex, as it's not needed in a relationship. I told him if that's true, then there is no need for me to give him handjobs or blowjobs anymore. And surprisingly, he said that wouldn't bother him. Even though I know I am normal, sometimes I just feel like I am disgusting and shallow for wanting sex so bad. But being with someone for two years and never getting it, and wanting him SO bad. And not just for pleasure, but it's an intimate connection, a comfort. Sex isn't all about just f*cking. It's a wonderful way of expressing love. My boyfriend just tends to think it's all pervertedness. I asked him if he thinks he'd enjoy having sex with me, cuz he knows I'd love to have it with him. His respond was "Probably." For some reason, this didn't make me feel good. So yes, to emphasize my point, my perception of virgin males has been very bad. And I don't mean to offend any virgin males who may read this. And dang, this post ended up being longer than I intended, LOL! Edited August 18, 2010 by Dazzel
Jilly Bean Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Jaysus, Dazzel! Please tell me you had some good lovers between these two freaks. Your first BF having AS makes sense. They are autistic, so sex isn't something they view normally. But, your current BF sounds like a nutter. YOU have very normal responses, needs and reactions, and he sounds terribly damaged.
caramel c Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I'd never reject sex with a woman I'm in a loving relationship with. One of the worst parts of being a virgin is so many generalizations get made. I've seen horrible assumptions made about older male virgins in various places. I have trouble on first dates because I'm very nervous and if you don't make it through first dates, you're not going to have a chance at a relationship. I'm afraid of the question and don't know how I'm going to explain it at my age (late 30s). You're a gem. Be proud of who you are. You will find someone who is lucky to have you.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 My current boyfriend uses religion as an excuse. And I am pretty sure this is true. He does not practice his religion actively anymore. Never really did in the first place besides going to church. Hasn't been to church in months now and seems to have distaste for his church these days. Watches some of the most dirty shows ever (which I think is awesome, btw) and does look at porn, but feels guilty about it. He seems to almost think of sex as a bad or negative thing. He doesn't understand why I even want to discuss it. He told me yesterday that I'm actually pretty disgusting in some of the things I tell him. I had menstrual cramps and said that I heard orgasms can sooth them for women. Just a passing thought. He said thought that comment was disgusting. I'm pretty obssessed with this behavior of his lately. Heck, I've made multiple posts about it the last few days, ranting. It's worrying me. He can't even admit hardly that he jacks off, and cannot even bring up the word sperm to his mom (an instance I think of a lot). He seems to think men who prefer not to use a condom is stupid since they do it because 'it feels more natural'. He has nothing to compare it to. He refuses blow jobs and hand jobs. Won't even let me see his penis. Apologizes profusely if he accidently touches my breast or gets even near my crotch. I tell him over and over again I DON'T CARE, TOUCH ME ANYWHERE YOU LIKE. Sometimes thinking about this makes me want to cry. And it depresses the f*ck out of me. I think my perception of virgin males in their twenties or older has been majorly skewed by my personal experiences. I know not all of them have major hangups. Some may be shy but be a dang good lover emotionally AND sexually once they get a taste for it. My first boyfriend had Asperger's syndrome. He was happy to receive but never give. He said I was too hard to please sexually (my medications and nerves make it hard for me to relax and get into it). Always pressuring me to give blowjobs but never would give me oral. And I always did it for him. He said he never wants to have sex. We tried it once. He got too nervous and couldn't keep it up. Never would try it again. He said I should be able to be satisfied never having sex, as it's not needed in a relationship. I told him if that's true, then there is no need for me to give him handjobs or blowjobs anymore. And surprisingly, he said that wouldn't bother him. Even though I know I am normal, sometimes I just feel like I am disgusting and shallow for wanting sex so bad. But being with someone for two years and never getting it, and wanting him SO bad. And not just for pleasure, but it's an intimate connection, a comfort. Sex isn't all about just f*cking. It's a wonderful way of expressing love. My boyfriend just tends to think it's all pervertedness. I asked him if he thinks he'd enjoy having sex with me, cuz he knows I'd love to have it with him. His respond was "Probably." For some reason, this didn't make me feel good. So yes, to emphasize my point, my perception of virgin males has been very bad. And I don't mean to offend any virgin males who may read this. And dang, this post ended up being longer than I intended, LOL! Wow, you had some really bad experiences.
carhill Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I'm afraid of the question and don't know how I'm going to explain it at my age (late 30s). Don't be. 'Love, right now, I only have eyes for you' Then, f*ck her brains out. The woman who 'took' mine at 35 never knew I was a virgin. She just knew I loved making love. Fugettabout big disclosures. Press flesh
Chubbi Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 (edited) Virginity isn't something one would advertise on a dating profile to increase attractiveness. If I did that, as a 21 female, I would be asking for exploitation/manipulation. I do not share my relationship history unless I know the person well or they ask it of me. Therefore, I wouldn't consider virginity attractive as I would never use it to attract someone I liked. I don't like the idea of using it as a leverage in competition with other women either. I do not think it makes me more or less of anything. It does make me uncomfortable to say it because then I wonder 1.) what thoughts of me have changed, and then 2.) what the hell did they think of me before? As I have said before, my circle of friends is made up of mostly never-been-kissed, hardly no relationship experience, college seniors virgins. And it includes both male and females. We all have different reasons why we are virgins, and because we are diehard liberals, it has nothing to do with our religion or conservatism. I ask myself: Why haven't I ever been kissed? And then I think, who the hell would I have been kissing. And then I can't think of anyone worthy. That's my answer. Edited August 18, 2010 by Chubbi
carhill Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I ask myself: Why haven't I ever been kissed? And then I think, who the hell would I have been kissing. And then I can't think of anyone worthy. That's my answer. IMO, that's a healthy answer. You do kiss people out of affection and love but haven't found any whom move you romantically. Romance is *one* aspect of a full and complete and healthy life. It happens in different ways and at different times for everyone. In every human heart there is hope and love. No one can take that away from you. Not even the Hoovers of the world At your age, perhaps slightly older, I would have found virginity to be *one* aspect of attraction for a potential LTR and marriage. Other men might have/do find it attractive (or not) for their own reasons. When you match up with a man and your 'reasons' mesh, then the kissing, and the sex, will be the most natural thing in the world.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 A sample of two is very small. Both guys seem to have huge problems when it relates to sex. I want to have sex so badly, but only with a woman I'm in love with. Waiting so long has been extremely tough on me. I know I will do whatever I possibly can to make sure the sex is satisfying for her. Awww, I think you have a very sweet attitude about this honestly. Don't ever lose that. And to give my opinion on this thread, I don't think a guy being a virgin would bother me at all. There's definite benefits to it, although there's benefits to a guy with experience as well.
Dazzel Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I too prefer to be with a guy I am in love with when it comes to sex. My boyfriend and I are in love with each other. But over time, my passion is starting to dwindle a bit. I find it sweet when a guy does want to do it with someone he loves, but I wonder how a guy can hold himself back so long.
carhill Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 She didn't ask you? I'd think it would be obvious to a woman if a man is very inexperienced. There are levels of 'experience'. There's a lot more to making love with a woman than putting a penis in a vagina/mouth/whatever. I was saving (until that time in my life anyway) that *one* particular part of lovemaking (genital sexual contact) for the woman I intended to marry. I wasn't sexually inexperienced, just intercourse inexperienced (and I didn't accept fellatio either, prior) Truly, you don't have to tell her anything. There is nothing negative about withholding this information. No one is going to be hurt. If she's banged fifty guys and doesn't tell you about it, will you know the difference? If you ask her and she lies, same? In that case, due to STD's , there is a possibility of hurt and health risk, but you two should cover that aspect independently far prior to getting your noodle wet. It only seems like a big deal because you (and I, at the time) make it a big deal. We're in charge of that. Do you see another path?
hydorclops Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Gamma, I agree with Carhill. You don't need to make a big confession before-hand, and you don't need to prove anything when you're having sex. Awkwardness might very well be OK. Especially if you're nice. Being nervous is normal the first time with a new person. Be ready for her to be nervous too.
carhill Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 OP, the prior post just made me think of something... yes, even an experienced woman is nervous. Stbx had ten times the partners I did and two prior marriages and she was still a bit nervous the first time. Tip: I'll give Green proper credit for this- Kiss her. Early. Often. A woman who is attracted to you will like that. More than that, it comforts her. Calms her. Gives her confidence *in you*. Kissing, caressing and physical intimacy (NOT sex) creates a cocoon, a nest if you will, which causes her to feel open to you. That is when sex will happen. It won't be clunky and mechanical. It will just flow, naturally. Yes, there will be a few awkward moments (I recall laughing at condom malfunctions on my part) but a sense of humor and *more kissing* gets you through it. In brief, talk less; press more flesh. That's probably the best lesson stbx taught me
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