Chubbi Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Many posters refer to their potential dates as needing the elusive "great personality." I don't even know what that means. I don't think I have it, in terms of a woman.
goodgrief Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 When you're with a personality, they generally get the glory to feel good about themselves. When you're with a great personality, they generally forget the glory and make you feel good about yourself.
carhill Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Since this is in the dating section, one litmus test to apply is, considering the positive personality characteristics you admire in *yourself*, do you find those same characteristics *attractive* in a potential partner? 'Good' is individual, IMO. I'll be more specific. I'm attracted to a caring and empathetic personality who is secure in themselves and can live outside themselves and still feel positive about their life. When they die, as a friend of mine did last week, people get up at the funeral and talk about how selfless the person was and I can nod my head and say 'yeah, and that's not just funeral 'talk'. You decide what 'good' is for you. We're all different. Then, go with that. Seek out *compatibility*. Good luck
EvrMorE104 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 (edited) a good personality is matter no more than "WORDS"..so what your intial attraction to say your likes about the person maybe physical..just being eye candy at first...getting to the intellectual part (personality) you would have to "picture" what ever that person explains their character to be..as factual...in order for your trust to be embedded in his true personality (been the nature of this man)...you walk then the street meet people with things you always "admire" like carhill said start embracing these traits to your character...in the beginning wat you thought of yourself a woman that you lack...is now a cultivated taste...adapt to it..then wen that person meets u..your a concept of wat he sees as perfection. good personality...lol Edited August 17, 2010 by EvrMorE104
Author Chubbi Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 Since this is in the dating section, one litmus test to apply is, considering the positive personality characteristics you admire in *yourself*, do you find those same characteristics *attractive* in a potential partner? Yes, I suppose I do like many things about me that I would want in a partner. But for now, the only times I have been attracted to someone was if that person was opposite my personality. I have only met one guy who was (like me) sincere, heartfelt, kind, caring, smart and lanky and he was gay, though I had a minor crush on him too. I know a lot of people use those adjectives- kind/caring, but it is very rare for me to see someone like that. I don't use those terms lightly at all. 'Good' is individual, IMO. I'll be more specific. I'm attracted to a caring and empathetic personality who is secure in themselves and can live outside themselves and still feel positive about their life. When they die, as a friend of mine did last week, people get up at the funeral and talk about how selfless the person was and I can nod my head and say 'yeah, and that's not just funeral 'talk'. This is what I want but said 90,000 times better as you usually do, Carhill. I enjoy your posts and always have. I always think if I had half your wisdom, I'd be something to listen to. Because I am attracted to a lot of different things, I don't know what I really want. Everything sounds good. I'm willing to give it a shot! Everyone I talk to says they have made mistakes while dating/ relationships. I want to make some mistakes. I haven't made any in terms of relationships. The guys most attracted to me have been opposite my personality- the attention hoggers, the a-holes, the loud, the socializers, the dramakings, the childish. I think I like them because I envy their ability or desire to socialize, which I lack embarrasingly. Or to think up jokes. New things to talk about. But it never works out because they're going to have to be in it for the long haul with me, and they won't do it. Sometimes though I'm like whoohoo! I'd totes do this hooking up thing baby whoooo! college forever!, but they won't do it then either if because of respect for me or something else.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 A good personality is someone attentive, open, sincere---someone who just seems to rate trust and make one comfortable that they are capable of real social connection with you. It's not a wind bag or sparring partner.
carhill Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 OP, IMO, γνῶθι σεαυτόν, gnōthi seauton, or, essentially, 'know yourself' first, then seek compatibility for yourself in a partner, if you choose to pursue the dynamic of a companion/life partner. In retrospect, my biggest error was simply ignoring clear signs of incompatibility and thinking, incorrectly, that it was possible, with enough compromise, to work through them. Neither person was right nor wrong. We each own our respective perspectives and personality/emotional 'styles'. The 'wrong' for myself came in when I responded and behaved (a *choice*) in an unhealthy way when dealing with those incompatibilities. That, while superficially seeming to be a 'good' thing (compromise and sacrifice) ultimately became a elementally 'bad' thing wrt to the health of my personality. Here's another example of one potential 'good' personality...... a person who can talk about their feelings, the joys, the sadnesses and fears, in an open way and be accepting of same from others. A communicator. Remember, these are all examples. Your preferences, your style, your perspective is unique to you. Stbx said clearly in MC that she wished I were a 'normal' man who kept his feelings to himself. Is that right? Wrong? It's neither, merely relevant to our particular marital dynamic. An incompatibility. Resolveable? In our case, no, but that *does not* mean it's irreconcilable in all instances. If I could apply a rule I came to use regarding dementia (my mom's disease).... "When you've seen one good personality, you've seen *one* good personality" Singular, one. Many, an infinite 'many', exist, all unique; all different. Find them
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