SadandConfusedWA Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 The guy I met up with tonight has told me that when he goes on a date with a girl and he decides not to see her again - he sends her a text the next day saying that they are not a good match and wishes her good luck in her search. I thought this is great I would absolutely LOVE it if all guys did that. Instead of torturing myself with day after day after the date with will he call/won't he call. It would save up so much energy and emotion. Girls should do the same. Rather than dodge the guy's calls hoping that he will get a hint.
Sanman Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 This is pretty much part of not playing games in dating. It would be nice, but there are too many advantages of playing games.
OceanTropic Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I wish everyone did that too, but I would be a hypocrite because I just avoid calls and texts as well. But they DO get the hint though, so it's still a method that works.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 I wish everyone did that too, but I would be a hypocrite because I just avoid calls and texts as well. But they DO get the hint though, so it's still a method that works. It just prolongs the agony. But I am the same, I tend to just avoid the guy I only send that text if a guy is very persistant and not getting the hint.
meerkat stew Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Will be more than happy to do this once more women start using the "not interested" button on dating sites instead of just ignoring custom Emails. Until that moment? Nope sorry, they just don't get called again.
Gattica Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I tell the guy. I don't avoid calls and such. I have had that happen to me and I don't like the feeling, so I don't inflict that on others.
Philetus Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 The guy I met up with tonight has told me that when he goes on a date with a girl and he decides not to see her again - he sends her a text the next day saying that they are not a good match and wishes her good luck in her search. I thought this is great I'm the same way. I also respond to every woman who contacts me on online dating sites even if I'm not interested in ever meeting them. I basically say, "thanks but I'm not interested". 'Course, I phrase it better than that. Right now, I'm in an awesome relationship with the most amazing woman in the world so I've cancelled/disabled my accounts on Match & OKCupid. (Just a little brag there. Please forgive me.)
Mad Max Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Everyone should do it, but it doesn't work that way. I would be honest and expect honesty if someone did not want to continue seeing me.
alexlakeman Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I did dat 2x. First time - I texted her " I don't think we're a match. Gd luck". But everyone told me why bother, she'll get it when u don't call. Second and last time I did it - she got snotty with me with a sarcastic response " I knew it blah blah" lol At that point I sd Fk it. What if I text them dat its not a match and she is thinking that already? Now I feel bad I didn't text back d last one I didn't make it to a second date to. So women prefer to get the text that we don't want to c u after d 1st or 2nd date? Do u women do d same? What if d woman already decided dat it was a no go anyway?
ReadyforLove Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I did dat 2x. First time - I texted her " I don't think we're a match. Gd luck". But everyone told me why bother, she'll get it when u don't call. Second and last time I did it - she got snotty with me with a sarcastic response " I knew it blah blah" lol At that point I sd Fk it. What if I text them dat its not a match and she is thinking that already? Now I feel bad I didn't text back d last one I didn't make it to a second date to. So women prefer to get the text that we don't want to c u after d 1st or 2nd date? Do u women do d same? What if d woman already decided dat it was a no go anyway? Surprisingly, I was able to understand your post... Anyway, yes I would prefer to get a text after the first date. Who wouldn't? If people were more upfront, there would be a lot less "why hasn't he called me??!" post on this site.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 I would always prefer rejection/resolution over uncertainity. Even if I didn't like the guy either, I wouldn't think it strange if I got that text. Who needs to waste a week of thinking space when a guy has decided never to call you again on day 1? I am going to adopt that strategy from now on.
ReadyforLove Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I would always prefer rejection/resolution over uncertainity. Even if I didn't like the guy either, I wouldn't think it strange if I got that text. Who needs to waste a week of thinking space when a guy has decided never to call you again on day 1? I am going to adopt that strategy from now on. I agree. Life is too short to live with any kind of uncertainty! I must admit, I am guilty of ignoring men when I am not interested but I will use this new strategy moving forward.
Art_Critic Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I tell the guy. I don't avoid calls and such. I have had that happen to me and I don't like the feeling, so I don't inflict that on others. I agree with you and did much the same.. When I was online dating I always told the girl the truth straight up and appreciated it when they did the same.. Common courtesy.. Just becuase you are blowing off someone and will never see them again that isn't a reason to be rude and a jerk
Confused100 Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I would always prefer rejection/resolution over uncertainity. Even if I didn't like the guy either, I wouldn't think it strange if I got that text. Who needs to waste a week of thinking space when a guy has decided never to call you again on day 1? I am going to adopt that strategy from now on. I agree completely! I hate it when I have to guess an wonder. I just want to know where I stand so I don't have to waste my time an emotions in something futile.
alexlakeman Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Surprisingly, I was able to understand your post... Anyway, yes I would prefer to get a text after the first date. Who wouldn't? If people were more upfront, there would be a lot less "why hasn't he called me??!" post on this site. Sorry, I'm typing on my blackberry & its a pia lol
Enchanted Girl Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 This makes sense, in my opinion, and would be nicer, but I think the reason people don't do it is because they're afraid of the confrontation. It's kind of like how people get angry at other people for talking about them behind their back and say,"Say it to my face." But if you say it to someone's face, it's not like they thank you for it. XD
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 Well, I would sincerely thank someone for it. I only ever remember one guy doing this with me, years ago. He e-mailed me to tell me he is not interested in pursuing things further after 2 dates. I thanked him and wished him all the best. I have huge respect for what he did.
bac Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I think it is strange that you want to get a rejection. I can not understand why a guy would want to send you a cruel rejection if he can just vanish into thin air. If he does not contact you during next day (perhaps next 2-3 days), you should understand that it is a true rejection. There is no way that if he liked you, he would not contact you during next 3 days. If he does not understand that, he is too immature to date and, so, he is hopeless for dating anyway.
Sphere Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I've always done this, because I was brought up to always be bluntly honest, it's just ashame I wasn't taught to do with tact, but I guess no one is perfect. I'm not bothered if a girl avoids my calls - I'll ring twice, if there is no answer or call back after a day or two I will assume that she is not interested and I will delete her number and erase her and I'll focus my attention on plate #2.
Confused100 Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I think it is strange that you want to get a rejection. I can not understand why a guy would want to send you a cruel rejection if he can just vanish into thin air. If he does not contact you during next day (perhaps next 2-3 days), you should understand that it is a true rejection. There is no way that if he liked you, he would not contact you during next 3 days. If he does not understand that, he is too immature to date and, so, he is hopeless for dating anyway. I guess I see what you're saying but I think it's just courteous to let someone know where they stand. Maybe something I need to work on, but I hate it when I'm being ignored or left in the dark. I'd much rather just know the truth.
threebyfate Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 The easiest way to offset this behaviour is not to wait around. A high interest guy will make sure your time and attention are held and won't chance that they're not. Trying to reel in low interest guys is an exercise in futility.
somedude81 Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 TGirls should do the same. Rather than dodge the guy's calls hoping that he will get a hint. AMEN!!!! I went out to lunch then had two dates with a girl. The most recent date seemed to go great. A couple of days later I send her a text that we should do karaoke over the weekend, which she loves to do. Her reply was, "I'm busy this weekend" I send her a text Sunday around noon, "Hey lets go to the beach tomorrow." I get no reply. Around 10 Sunday night, "Hey lets hang out next week." Again no reply. Either she doesn't have access to her phone or she's choosing to ignore me. The later is just stupid as I'd prefer that she'd just tell me that's she's not interested instead of playing this stupid game.
melodymatters Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 This sounds good in THEORY, but..... I remember telling a guy n OKC that I was flattered but after reading his profile I didn't feel like we were a match and he went OFF on me. This is someone I never met. Of course I e-mailed back that obviously my radar was working just fine thank you ! Met up with an ex from over ten yrs ago. We had a nice lunch and caught up. He then e-maled me that he was interested in dating again. I quite politley said no, even used the friggen widow card which I seldom do, and HE wrote back a snotty e-mail. So, yeah, I'm going back to just dodging and ignoring. *sigh*
Feelin Frisky Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I can't stand clingy neurotics who are jumpy about being called again so soon or start another relationship where I have to "call in" every day to fulfill a "requirement". And I don't want her calling me either. So, the solution is to establish a framework for next contact after what I consider to be a date that shows promise. Then be true to it. I can't control what she does in between and just hope she makes time for me to be there when we agreed. If she doesn't make that time, she apparently doesn't care to. Or if she starts smothering me outside the scope of our agreement, it will not be taken as a good sign. I won't try to initiate such a second contact framework if I didn't feel the chemisrty. If she asks at the end of the date, I would be honest then that I think we're on separate trajectories. Romance and trust should include uncertainty and benefits of the doubt. I won't make such a framework or be true to it if the date reveals some things I know I won't want to abide.
Sphere Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Unfortunately very few people of either gender do this. While not calling is not a great thing, it's no where near as bad as when someone strings another person along for weeks. Didums, I'm sure they'll survive. Your problem Gamma is that you worry too much and care too much. Dating is about having fun and finding the right person for you. Why would you be upset if someone isn't interested in you unless you become attached far too quickly?
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