IlikeBunnies Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I don't know what to do lately. The more years we have been together, the more my boyfriend has put me down...verbally abusing me, which he doesn't even acknowledge as harmful. Every day he will call me a b*tch, slut, whore, useless, piece of sh*t, etc. The worst is that I have just met his family for the first time and am staying with them for 2 months in Germany. They always wanted a Vietnamese wife for their son, so I guess they were a little disappointed that I'm white. I was raised very differently from my boyfriend, one of the main things being my inability to cook. I try to help out but his sister is always there to put me down or make fun of me if I do something wrong. To make matters worse, his sister hates me. I was not aware of this fact until I arrived. I've known her for almost 2 years. She constantly calls me useless, fat, dumb, retarded, stupid, slut, b*tch, piece of sh*t (sound familiar?). When I make the smallest mistake she instantly calls me a retard or a loser. The other day I spilled boiling water on my hands and got a little bit of a burn, and she called me an idiot and said I deserved it. She threw a glass of cold water in my face this morning when I was sleeping, for no reason. I feel like I have no one to confide in here because if I ever try to explain to my boyfriend that she is hurting my feelings, he defends her and says that "She wouldn't need to be so mean to you if you'd just change. You're flawed and you need to learn from her." Then he'll tell her I was talking bad about her. I can't even call my family because she told the whole family I was wasting all their money (on 1 cent per minute calls). Even when I try to think of other things besides her constant bullying she verbally attacks me. When I look out the window she says "If you're going to commit suicide because you're so pathetic then you should at least remove the screen first". If I simply stare off into space, she makes fun of me. She has even claimed that she's scared of me beating her up...with a cup? When I was making their mom a birthday present (a picture frame with pictures of them) his sister came up to me and said "Why are you wasting your time? We'll never accept you anyways." and then she was upset that her brother had to crop her out on one of the pictures to make it fit so I tried to help the situation by saying we could add another picture of her to make up for it and she told me to "Shut the f*ck up, I wasn't talking to you dumb*ss b*tch). Numerous times she has told me she will never accept me, and will continue to try and deliberately break us up. I even overheard her saying that she loves bullying me and will be sad when the trip is over. In his teen years, my boyfriend only had her in the U.S. She was his only family, so I try to understand why he defends her. But when she flat out calls me fat, stupid, a slut, or when she insults my family, specifically my mother, and says I wasn't raised right he laughs. He just smiles. When I ask him about it alone he either says I deserve it or I should ignore it. She always makes comments like I'm not good enough, brings up his ex-girlfriends and say they were better and says she'll make him cheat on me. In summary, I am getting verbally abused by both my boyfriend and his sister because "I'm not good enough". Is it wrong for me to want him to stand up for me?
carhill Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 OP, I read the first paragraph and the title and it was clear to me. This is their family dynamic. Some families are just toxic. My strong suggestion is to remove yourself from this dynamic as quickly as possible. My sympathies.
dispatch3d Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 now you know where he gets it from. You can do better. Break up with him. Also if I was in that house and some ****ing chick decided to throw water in my face for NO REASON when I was SLEEPING THERE IS GOING TO BE ****ING HELL TO PAY
meerkat stew Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Seriously? This won't get better, maybe worse. Run for the hills yesterday.
OceanTropic Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I just read the first line and stopped there. Why are you still with him?
ReadyforLove Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 When are you going to take control of your life and stand up for yourself? This entire family needs a good ass kicking.
that girl Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 The real problem is the boyfriend, not the sister in law. She sounds like a bitch, but it is your boyfriend who is cruel to you every day. Leave the relationship.
stellaluna Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 The worst is that I have just met his family for the first time and am staying with them for 2 months in Germany. They always wanted a Vietnamese wife for their son, so I guess they were a little disappointed that I'm white. I was raised very differently from my boyfriend, one of the main things being my inability to cook. I try to help out but his sister is always there to put me down or make fun of me if I do something wrong. Are they German? A vietnamese family living in Germany perhaps? Otherwise why would they randomly wish him to marry a Vietnamese chick?
Dazzel Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Are they German? A vietnamese family living in Germany perhaps? Otherwise why would they randomly wish him to marry a Vietnamese chick? Ditton on that. Why? Okay, in my honest opinion, you need to get the hell out of there. Your sister in law treats you like ****. Your boyfriend SHOULD be the shoulder you can learn on, the one who defends you. If he is ALSO tell you to change and justifying his sister's extreme verbal abuse of you, this relationship is not going to go anywhere. Hell, it may be worse. Because if he feels it's okay for his own family to treat you that way, then he may have no qualms about it in the future. He sounds like a case that could easily be a verbal abusive husband, if not worse. Not saying he would beat you ever, but it makes you wonder if he is allowing such things to go on. I know it's hard to give a guy up if you really like him. It's sucks to be lonely. HOWEVER, is any guy worth staying with with the conditions that you have to put up with both he and his sister's terrible mouths? Please, take care of yourself and get out of that situation. You sound like you are a very intelligent person based on your post. You seem geniune. Please, find someone else. Heck, being independent and alone is better than putting up with this just to have a guy. Do you really think it's worth it? I will be honest....I don't know why you are even still with him after that. Calling you names like that.....he needs to have the crap beaten out of him. Good luck.
harmfulsweetz Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 You shouldn't ever have to put up with that. It will get worse, fact is, they both treat you like that, do you really want to live your life like this? Being apart of a toxic family isn't a good thing. Your SIL sounds like a total b*tch, and your boyfriend, well, don't get me started on what I'd call him. I used to be in a similar (but nowhere near as bad) situation, my boyfriend's sister hated me. She'd say things to try and break us up, and generally just be totally toxic. I'd do nice things all the same for her, buy her presents, force my bf to give her a lift, be friendly, and generally go out of my way to change her opinion of me. It didn't work. She'd made up her mind about me from the start. She was pure toxic. But if you continue to stay in this situation, you are only hurting yourself. You have been shown what they are ALL like, you don't need anymore reason than that. As a previous poster stated correctly, being alone and independent albeit lonely, but in a good place with yourself, is far better than being with someone who abuses you. You shouldn't be concerned over whether or not he should stand up for you, course he should, but he treats you just the same as his sister does. Meaning he believes it's right, it's clearly a family dynamic. And now you're over there, you're isolated, alone, with no place or people to turn to, they are letting loose on this dynamic. I sincerely hope you leave this situation asap.
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