bls2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I'm 19 years old and my boyfriend is 22. I was a virgin until about 6 months ago when I lost it to him. At first I was very shy in bed and I didn't like to take much control, but once I started getting comfortable it was like something unleashed inside of me and now I'm always craving sex. I feel like I want to do it every night, but my boyfriend is only in the mood once a week at best. Sometimes I feel like I'm pushing him to have sex and it feels kind of weird because I figured usually it's the guy who does most of the pushing (I didn't mean that in a sexist way, to clarify). I'm just wondering if I've got a problem? I feel like I'm horny a lot less than he is, and I'm wondering if this is normal. And do guys hate being pushed into sex? Should I just let it go like I have been when he hints that he's not in the mood? Why isn't he in the mood as much as I am? I know he's had sex since he was 15 so maybe it's old news to him, but it's very new for me. Is it unnatural that I'm always wanting to do it? Also, sometimes when I get on top of him to try and coax him into it he gets really tense and leaves for the bathroom. I get tired of initiating it all the time, so lately I've just stopped trying because it hurts to be rejected. He used to be the one who initiated every time... And there really isn't any way he could be cheating on me because we spend most of our time together and he's always talking about how lucky he is to have me and how hot I am. I'm so confused.
robdrm32 Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 (edited) its a relatively new thing for you, so i think your drive is normal. No idea what his deal is, most guys will have sex as often as possible. Talk to him, he seems like he's avoiding the sex and thats odd. I WILL say though in my experience its hard when someone is "pushing" sex on you. Don't make him feel bad, maybe go down on him a few times w/o anything after so he doesn't feel he needs to "perform". I was about to hook up with a gorgeous girl once, after like 4 years of no sex, and she was rushing me like crazy telling me "We need to have sex right now" when she hadn't even touch "it" yet! Way to kill it. off topic but funny Edited August 16, 2010 by robdrm32
brainygirl Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Your sex drive is normal, but everyone's is different. Its a myth that men are more driven than women. Sexual compatability is one aspect of a relationship. That may mean that one person doesn't get as much as they want while the other participates in more than they feel is strictly necessary. If its something you are fighting about with him, its a problem. And just as an aside, have you tried mastubating to relieve some of your "tension" so you aren't pressuring him as much?
meerkat stew Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I think your BF is the abnormal one. A 22 y.o. male who only wants sex once a week with his very willing and initiating GF is not in the fat of the bell curve. Does he smoke cigarettes, weed, do drugs, drink lots of coffee, have other health problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, other possible physical issues? If it's not that, is there a possibility of other women? Does he enjoy spending time with you, seek to involve you with his family/friends? Does he treat you with affection physically? kiss you, touch you? Best wishes getting this worked out.
that girl Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Different people have different sex drives. I don't think experience is the issue. Jumping him does not seem to be the way to go with this particular guy. Is he under any kind of serious work/school/family stress?
Green Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Its called the honey moon phase... for some reason he hasn't entered it with you. I had sex with my gf 2 or even 3 times a day for many months when we first got togather... even when I'm not in the honey moon phase sex 4 times a week would be easy. but in the honeymoon phase sex 2-3 times a day would be no problem for months on end.
bobdole Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Any normal guy would for the most part love sex 4+ times a week. There are circumstances though - when I had to commute for near 2.5hrs a day I was just to mentally and physically exhausted to do it on week days.
cleverpartner Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Communication is the key to unlocking just about any question about a partner. Sounds like your boyfriend was going through a "phase" and is not fully sexually attracted to you as of yet or is interested in other women, or is having some kind of issue. Do you give him oral sex, do you send him sexy text messages, live together, go out, party, still go to fun places and such? Some guys need other stimuli to build up to sex, not all men are sexually charged for the super charged sexual tigress. You need to talk to him and let him know that you feel as if you are pushy and you just have the urge to want him more than you are getting. Ask him if there are any problems he wants to discuss with you, and you want to be supportive instead of holding a grudge or feeling dismissed. Talk to him and get more information and DO NOT ASSUME. Assume - Make an Ass out of U and Me
SarahRose Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 He is probably spending too much time polishing the dolphin.
Author bls2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 He's actually under a lot of stress lately involving his dad who pretty much screwed his entire family over financially and emotionally; I'm not even going to try to convey the magnitude of that problem. It's huge. And I know anxiety can definitely affect the sex life, but I didn't know if it was solely because of that. He does smoke cigarettes frequently (to the person who asked) but no other drugs. I really don't think there's an issue about other women or attraction because he's constantly saying how lucky he is to have me and calling me 'gorgeous'? I know this might be a myth but usually men aren't the greatest liars and it always sounds genuine. :/ Perhaps it's just the big issue with his dad, because I know he's very anxious about payments and there's a lot of financial stress. But I'm leaving for college in three weeks and you'd think he'd let that rest for just a little while so we can enjoy these last few moments together...
Dblock10 Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 strange, how long have you been together? id say its time to find a partner who will have sex with you a lot. If it was me, i'd deffo be putting out for my gf if I had one
Philetus Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 He's actually under a lot of stress lately involving his dad who pretty much screwed his entire family over financially and emotionally; I'm not even going to try to convey the magnitude of that problem. It's huge. And I know anxiety can definitely affect the sex life, but I didn't know if it was solely because of that. People handle stress differently. When I'm stressed (which isn't often) I have sex MORE often. It takes my mind off my troubles. It seems like you two have different sex drives and if you don't communicate about it and find a compromise that you both like, your relationship is likely doomed. BTW - you're completely healthy and normal. You've gotten amazing advice above. There are lots of reasons why he may not desire sex so often. It may be normal for him, he may not be into sex, he may have performance anxiety, he may be in the closet, there may be another woman, he's not that into you anymore... When you started having sex was it more frequent and then tailed off? Finally, yes, men are like woman (I think). We don't want to be constantly pushed into sex if we're not into it. You might try other ways to get him interested without rolling on top of him. Try making out in a public place, a long kiss that may lead nowhere, tell him as you're going out that you're not wearing underwear... in other words, flirt with him. Good luck.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Something ain't right with your guy. 22 and acting like a menopausal woman? Gimme a freaking break. He s/b sexxing you up, down and every whichway. You're drive sounds just right.
Recommended Posts