SadandTired Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 Hi all, this is my first post. I've been with my boyfriend for around 3 years now. We met back in college at a track & field event. To be cliche..it all started to wonderfully. Flowers, nice dinners, romantic walks. We were always together, always talking, every day was a dream day. We moved in together about a year ago and things are going well. He works at a high school as a gym teacher and im about to graduate with my nursing degree. Here's the problem, He's started to become very controlling. Im not sure if its because im in college still and hes working but he calls me alot more always wondering where im at. I even think he reads my e-mail and text sometimes because he'll make little slick comments about things I said in private to a friend. I do have male friends I hang out with occasionally, maybe thats the problem? I have not cheated on him and dont plan too but should I just drop my male buddies for more stability or tell him to get over it? Its starting to impact our sex life because I just dont feel as attracted to him with him hawking over my shoulder all the time. This has lead to him being even more jealous/weird.
collegeguy_24 Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 Its understandable for him to be jealous, its a guy thing. But to read your email and texts without your permission? Thats going too far as its an invasion of privacy. I suggest you talk to him about it, ask why he seems to have changed, and what he is upset about. Do not make it confrontational as that can make things worse, but say, over a private dinner, ask him these things, and see what he says. You can decide from there or come back here for more advice.
jamesum Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 The less attractive party is always more jealous.
zengirl Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 I wouldn't tell him your attraction is declining, as that's going to make any jealous person go even crazier. I'd try to really talk to him about it. Say, "Look, I have nothing to hide, but I feel like our relationship is changing and I feel bad about myself when you don't seem to trust me" and list how you feel about the behaviors without attacking him or making ultimatums. I wouldn't drop my male friends for any fellow, but that's me. I might do other things to make them comfortable or pull back in certain ways, but I'd never stop being friends with someone purely to appease a jealous man. If you feel like it will sincerely help, and you're comfortable with that, do what you want to do. But talk to the guy you're seeing about it too.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 "Spying" on you is an invasion instead of the gesture of trust a real lover should extend. I encountered my one-time fiancee walking with another guy my age on Broad Street in NYC near the Stock Exchange. I felt nothing and gave her the benfit of the doubt. I never saw her with him again. I don't think, no, in fact I'm sure, she would NOT give me the same benefit of the doubt. Her insecuriity and neurotic tendencies snuffed fulfillment of our marriage to my utter disappointment and heart break. It's not a good sign.
TaraMaiden Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 ..... I even think he reads my e-mail and text sometimes because he'll make little slick comments about things I said in private to a friend. next time you write to a friend, add this: "And *BF's name* honey, if you read this - understand that Trust works both ways. I know you're doing it, so when you find something suspicious, be sure to let me know, won't you? *wink smiley*" I do have male friends I hang out with occasionally, maybe thats the problem? No, that's not the problem. He's the problem. My partner finds himself in the company of many ladies during the day, and we both have friends of both sexes. Hell, next weekend, I'm meeting a male friend in London, and we're going out for the day. It would never cross my partner's mind to mistrust me, and I would never give him reason to. Unless you're giving him reason to mistrust you - it's definitely HIS problem... I have not cheated on him and dont plan too but should I just drop my male buddies for more stability or tell him to get over it? Neither...you guys need to talk.... Its starting to impact our sex life because I just dont feel as attracted to him with him hawking over my shoulder all the time. This has lead to him being even more jealous/weird. When did this begin exactly? What triggered it? Can you think back and recall what started it all?
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