BiAxident Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Some of you may have been following my story in a seperate thread. The question I'd like to pose is, at what point in a relationship do you expect that "love" should enter the picture? By that, I dont mean "love" in the sense of admiration and respect, but what we could call being "in-love" with someone? In my case, I have been with my SO for 5 weeks. However, we dated for 2 years from 06-08, and have known each other for over 15 years. This week, she told me that she loves me, but isn't "in love" with me. She wants to continue the relationship to see IF she develops those sorts of feelings. So, on the one hand, it doesnt sound unreasonable for someone to not be head-over-heels in love after only 5 weeks or so of dating. On the other hand, given how long we've known each other, if it isn't happening now, why should it happen in another week, or two, or a month? Any thoughts would be appreciated.
a_woman Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 what I was going to post on the other thread but will post it here is that I think your girlfriend thinks you two are settling for eachother. I think that's the bottom line and to be honest from what you were saying in the other thread, I don't think she is wrong. so your situation is not that you have been dating for 5 weeks but that you have known eachother for a long time. perhaps you would have got together sooner (or would not have split up 2 years ago) if you really wanted eachother
zengirl Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Oh, that phrase is so much crap. I don't see why there's any reason to believe it will develop if it didn't for 2 years before. Unless I'm missing something.
Author BiAxident Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 The split up was based entirely on her perception of what she "wants" in a relationship. When she left me, it was because our getting along, never fighting, and having everything in common wasnt enough. She wanted someone who was "professional". When she started making overtures to get back together, she assured me that "professional" looked good on paper, but that if there wasnt any connection, it wouldnt matter. Now, she says she isnt sure what she wants out of a relationship, and she wants to be careful that I'm not a "rebound" and that she isnt just going back to me because I'm comfortable and familar. I dont know whether to accept that as reasonable, or to look beyond it, to the fact that if her mind 180'd once, it could happen again, even if we were to get married. As always, thanks for the reply.
Author BiAxident Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 Oh, that phrase is so much crap. I don't see why there's any reason to believe it will develop if it didn't for 2 years before. Unless I'm missing something. It did develop the first time around. Then, she fell out of love with me. This time around, she supposedly thought that she was in love with me, now she says that she isnt.
You Go Girl Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 It did develop the first time around. Then, she fell out of love with me. This time around, she supposedly thought that she was in love with me, now she says that she isnt. Anybody that can fall in and out of love a few times with the same person is so unstable I wouldn't want them as a partner under any circumstances. For me, you either love, or you don't. When I love, I love deeply, and there's no falling out of it. The men I have loved in my life I will love always, even if I never see them again. Real feelings don't disappear, they are there forever. Her feelings are not genuine. Period.
zengirl Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Anybody that can fall in and out of love a few times with the same person is so unstable I wouldn't want them as a partner under any circumstances. For me, you either love, or you don't. When I love, I love deeply, and there's no falling out of it. The men I have loved in my life I will love always, even if I never see them again. Real feelings don't disappear, they are there forever. Her feelings are not genuine. Period. Yeah, all the men I've loved, I still love. I don't want to date them, but I didn't stop loving them. Love is pretty much indestructible in my book. That said, people say they're in love when they aren't, I suppose.
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