Kwati Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I am not sure if a lot of you saw my previous thread, so I will post the link. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t241371/ Anyways, not much has changed from before, but I recently have had a "reality check" I suppose you can say that has made me see things from a different perspective. I am the type of person that wears my feelings on my sleeve. If something is bothering me, I must talk about it, or vent, otherwise it eats at me until I just cannot stand it anymore. As stated in my previous thread, I would always try to confront my girlfriend about problems and things that she would do that I did not like. Yet she would not listen, therefore I went to friends & family because I had to get it out somehow. Well, while talking to a good friend of mine who I hadn't spoken to in awhile over the phone, she made the comment about whether or not I called her to to actually see how she was doing, or if I just needed somebody to talk to because a vast majority of our conversations have been about me and my problems and it is becoming an issue. This was a complete slap in the face, because I had not realized exactly how bad it was getting. Now, the main reasons for my girlfriend splitting with me was I "would not talk to her and would constantly run to everybody else." Also, that I was to worried about myself, selfish I suppose, and not showing enough interest in her and her feelings. Of course, I've already explained why I could not talk to her, but since the conversation with my friend it has made me think "Could she be right, could I have been to focused on what she had done to me and how she had hurt me that I completely stopped caring for her?" She says she is waiting for me to change and show that I will put her first and care for her, and that I will treat her like a girlfriend, for she said I never put her in that position. Yet despite this, she still refuses to see her wrong doings. She is still sticking to the fact that I have been the only one wrong in this relationship. We still argue daily about little things, such as other girls talking to me, how I still don't show that I care, how I will never change, etc. I constantly find myself in the same position, apologizing repeatedly, promising I'll change, trying to somehow get across to this woman that I love her with all my heart. It is impossible for me to tell her that she needs to look at herself before she puts blame on me, because in her opinion I will just sound "selfish like I've always been, always number one and she's always number two." I am trapped and I do not know how to get out. I don't know what else I could possibly do. Tonight we had an argument because her best friend, who is also one of my good friends, had asked me a question and I responded. My ex had forbid me to talk to her and to block all contact with her, because apparently she has feelings towards me, yet I do not return the same feelings. She has not acted on them, but my ex feels that by me talking to her, it hurts her and that I am showing I don't care because I am friends with her best friend, who has a small "high school crush" on me. I cannot control another persons feelings, but I don't see a purpose in ending a great friendship because of my ex's insecurity. Maybe I am wrong on that fact, and I'm willing to accept it if I am. The argument ended with her saying things along the lines of "I'll just get out of your life, because obviously all I do is ruin it. You can be friends with whoever the f*** you want. Thanks for proving that I never matter and never will." I in turn said "If you want to leave, then leave. I've loved you the entire time and will continue to do so even if you don't believe me." She responded with "I don't believe you, because you're letting me go." It somehow got to the point to where I was promising to change and that I want her to stick it out with me. How, I do not know. I apologize for the length, but this is something I cannot deal with on my own, and I would greatly appreciate any advice, negative or positive.
Ronni_W Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Kwati, Your situation is such that no matter how many ways you find to explain it, you're still going to get basically the same feedback. This relationship is toxic. You two are harming each other. It is not "love". It comes across that you are BOTH "manipulative, controlling, selfish" people -- you referred to her that way in your other post, but you're as interested in making her conform to your views and demands. Stop the madness. End the relationship. You two cannot make each other happy.
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