always available Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I am 24 years old and have been single for the last 18 months. I am fine being single and having fun. You know: going out, flirting looking at the ladies, talking, dancing etc. Although I am having fun, I believe its better this way rather than getting into a relationship with a girl because I have a HUGE problem. i still have feeling for my ex-gf. i know what your thinking: "DUDE, iTS BEEN A YEAR AND A HALF, GET OVER HER". But i assure you I have good reasons. She won't let me! A week after we ended our relationship, she already was talking to a new guy. Another week later, she is dating him. She is very desperate for companionship and lonely girl. i have known her for 4 years and she has always had a bf. While she was with her BF things happened between us. She has cuddled with me, stayed the night in my bed, kissed me (on the cheek), constantly wants to visit, calls/texts me all the time, nvites me places she won't invite her bf. She even said these exact words after an intimate fun night of dancing with our freinds: "If i didn't have a BF I would totally be all over you". Now I know what your thinking, that she still has feelings for me. I don't believe she does. She and I were "best" freinds for about 2 years before we dated and I believe that is what she is seeking. I don't want to be but ALL our freinds are the same and no matter what I do, I will always see her. I believe this has prevented me from getting over her. I am not like others, I want to date someone who is the main focus of my romantic life. I don't believe I can do that just yet. i still think about her and I don't want to get into another relationship when I should be thinking about the new and not the past. Having said that, there is a girl I am talking to who happens to also be freinds with all of my freinds. She is sweet, attractive, cool, and, although I had no clue, has lilked me for a long time. I don't know if I should get into it because I feel she won't be my 100% focus. I know i will still think about my ex. I dont think its fair to her. However, I have been single for a while, am a good guy who knows and wants to make someone feel special. She could be that girl. I have a lot to offer and hope to one day get over my ex. Many tell me that it always takes another relationship to get over your ex, but i refuse to believe that because I think its messed up. You will get into the new relationship doing what Im about to do: think about your ex and not be completely committed to the new girl. What should I do? Have any advice for my feelings about my ex? Please help.
BiAxident Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Advice would be easier to dispense if we knew the circumstances regarding your breakup with this woman. Was it mutual? Was it clean, with no waffling back-and-forth? You stated that "we ended our relationship", so then you must have had reasons to do so? Assuming that you mutually agreed to break up, I would keep your ex on as a friend (which is what you believe she wants) while exploring a relationship with the new girl. The idea that NO ONE thinks about their ex's ever while in a relationship seems a little far-fetched. Unless the previous relationship was terrible and the new one is wonderful, I suspect most people would still make comparrisons, have occassional "flashbacks", etc. Is it fair to the new partner? Not really. Is life fair? Not really.
Author always available Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 Well we did go "back and forth". She dated me when she was still hooked on her ex (or needed closure, whatever you prefer). I noticed, and tried breaking up with her. When I did that, she did a complete 180. She LOVED me, did everything i wanted a gf to do. However, it was too late. i poured my heart and love into this women with very little response back and now that i broke up with her, she wanted to be with me?! I couldn't trust her anymore. Unfortunately that didn't stop us from being together. For the next half, we were together (basically bf/gf) but I was in search of a new love (Messed up I know). Deep down I still loved her but the trust was gone. The way we ended our relationship was her finally being asked out by another guy and going on a date. I couldn't say anything cause I wasn't calling her my gf. i would even tell her to go on dates. There is much more too it but it will take forever to explain. Thanks for your attempt in helping by the way. Keeping her as a freind is hard becasue that is why i fell for her in the first place. We have so much fun together, we love eachothers company, and get along great, but when we dated was just bad timing and ruined it. I can't stand seeing her with her current bf because i know he doesn't like her that much. his words: "I don't see myself marrying her". I think being her freind is out of the question.
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