Gallaxia Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 When someone shows their true self the first time, believe it. Whether it be a snide remark, if they slam a book down or a door, evil look, blows you off on plans, or a genuine smile, believe it. It's actually a gateway to more. Any thoughts on this?
a_woman Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 depends on what it is and what your boundaries are. Everyone has bad days though and everyone has faults
New_Life08 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Absolutely some thoughts on this ... I forget who said it..but it's been said that a person's true character can be determined by their knee-jerk reactions. I have found this little piece of wisdom to be profoundly true; however, the thing about human beings is that we are all unique. All of us have flaws, by flaws I mean we have traits that can be damaging if we do not recognize and deal with it. There is no shame in having issues, but it is a shame not to accept change.
zengirl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 (edited) When someone shows their true self the first time, believe it. Whether it be a snide remark, if they slam a book down or a door, evil look, blows you off on plans, or a genuine smile, believe it. It's actually a gateway to more. Any thoughts on this? I don't know what you mean. Am I more truly myself when I do something wonderful or something terrible? I consider myself a pretty good, healthy person. Doesn't mean I never hurt anyone or do anything that sucks. At best, I think I learn from it every time I do and feel how my actions suck. But everyone gets angry. I've heard monks who devote their lives to peace and mental clarity tell me stories about horrible thoughts they've had or words they said. Granted, they do it much, much less than the average person and perhaps learn to stop expressing that anger in unhealthy ways, but it exists. Where's the true self? That said, of course, one must pay attention to the words and actions of anyone they're around, as well as the feeling/intuition they get from that person. But if you're expecting goodness to be perfection, you've got a wait I don't envy. I have my boundaries, but I also think a lot about intent and state of mind, and I give a lot of benefit of the doubt to people around me. Usually, I'm not disappointed. So, my intuition must be something. Forgiveness is one of the chief virtues too. I'll forgive lots of people, especially those close to me, a bad moment or two, a snide remark, a slammed book, a random flake-off. Everyone is dealing with their own stuff. There are other things I won't forgive. Generally they fall into the more premeditated categories than all that. Edited August 12, 2010 by zengirl
Gettingtired Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 What would you say to the below example? Laid next to someone [a woman], she reaches over you to get at her laptop and hits you in the head with her elbow, looks at you with a contempt expression and says "Give a s h it".
Engadget Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Not always, I wouldn't judge someone based on an outburst.
InceptorsRule Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 When someone shows their true self the first time, believe it. Whether it be a snide remark, if they slam a book down or a door, evil look, blows you off on plans, or a genuine smile, believe it. It's actually a gateway to more. Any thoughts on this? If you follow this little gem of a rule then you're only certain to end up with someone who's very good at deceiving you. Don't be so superficial, and don't be so quick to make "snap" judgments about people. No one is perfect. Everyone who's never made a snide remark, slammed down a book or a door, given an evil look, caused plans to fall through....please raise your hand. <crickets>
Feelin Frisky Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 When someone shows their true self the first time, believe it. Whether it be a snide remark, if they slam a book down or a door, evil look, blows you off on plans, or a genuine smile, believe it. It's actually a gateway to more. Any thoughts on this? Sure, take bad signs as bad signs and good signs as good signs, but are you really asking "make quick conclusions" that you know the extents of their character and run with it when they throw your initial perception a curve? That to me would depend greatly on the exact specifics. But in retrospect of my own experience, there was someone who I should have taken that curve as a symbol of an underlying mal-nature and gotten more haste-fully out of my life. We were in the same class in night college. For a couple of weeks we were just mugging it up every chance we got. Then the first time anything came up that needed a judgment or assessment she just defaulted to hostile and shocked me with visceral language. We were supposed to give our professor a stamped self-addressed full size manila envelope for him to return our final dissertations in with a grade. She said she would take care of mine. When she gave it to me there was only a single stamp for the usual letter size envelope on it and she put my name and address as the sender and receiver on it. I innocently wondered allowed if that postage was going to be enough. She suddenly snarled "if you don't want the effing thing don't take it". My head was in a spin. Who the hell had I been making out with for the last couple of weeks? It turned out to be a sign of her Jekyll and Hyde really schizted-out personality.
New_Life08 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 What would you say to the below example? Laid next to someone [a woman], she reaches over you to get at her laptop and hits you in the head with her elbow, looks at you with a contempt expression and says "Give a s h it". Wow! For some reason she has no respect for you or the hypothetical person whatsoever.
Author Gallaxia Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 Thanks for the different points of view! I am not talking about being perfect or anything. I'm just saying when a red flag comes up, you catch something or your gut instinct tells you something, do not disregard it. It's an indication of a person's true self- for good or for bad, behind the protective PUBLIC layers. depends on what it is and what your boundaries are. Everyone has bad days though and everyone has faults & Absolutely some thoughts on this ... I forget who said it..but it's been said that a person's true character can be determined by their knee-jerk reactions. True but it's how we all choose to react that makes the difference. Hm, I don't know if it's really a "snap judgement" InceptorsRule if it's an assessment based off of observation. What would you say to the below example? Laid next to someone [a woman], she reaches over you to get at her laptop and hits you in the head with her elbow, looks at you with a contempt expression and says "Give a s h it". Well, if it's with contempt, I'm inclined to believe that's a rhetorical question! I've actually practiced this for a few years now and it has helped. The reason I bring up the question of one's true self, is because a certain work situation has reared it's ugly head again. The first time my co-worker betrayed me, I noted it and logged it as who she is & chooses to be. And lo & behold, a few years later (this week) she did it again... But like the magical words Feelin Frisky used, "in retrospect"... That's the key. If we get into practice of not dismissing that feeling and evaluating in hindsight, eventually we get better at navigating certain future situations, even in dating. We're creatures of habit. If it happens once, it's bound to be repeated. But as they say, YMMV.
Gettingtired Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 the hypothetical person whatsoever. Sorry to sound dumb, but what do you mean by that?
Author Gallaxia Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 I agree. Cracking under pressure is my true self, which doesn't work too well on dates when there's always a lot of pressure. I'm sorry, I don't follow?
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