HopeI'mNotHopeless Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I don't know what a relationship is supposed to be like, how I'm supposed to act... My father died when I was young and my mother never remarried or dated. I grew up never seeing how a relationship works or what it's all about. Another thing, whenever I confided in my mom, she used it as ammunition when we got into fights. Therefore I learned to be extremely independent and that communication = exposing your weak points = bad. The relationships I have been in have always fallen apart. I realize now its because I truly have NO IDEA what is expected of me, and what I should expect. For example, I have gone weeks without returning a call if I got too busy with school... am reading on this forum that is a big no-no. If I catch a guy flirting with another girl I dump him on the spot, then become emotionally wrecked for a few weeks. My longest lasting relationship was with a married men, because (I am realizing) because no matter how I treated him (not intentionally badly) but if I didn't return calls or cancelled a date at the last second or didn't want to communicate on anything deeper than a how-was-your-day-today level he never pulled away or caused me any stress about it. He was always happy to see me. I learned absolutely nothing useful from him about real relationships. I thought that's how relationships are supposed to be but single guys just seem to drift away/ or I dump them. Do they want someone who is always calling and asking about their life? I have no idea! Its like we are playing a game but I don't know what the rules are. Please help!!! I would appreciate it if you would explain what a relationship means to you, the nuts and bolts of what behavior is expected, what you are afraid of and how you deal with it, what is not allowed, what you should and should not do. Like if you were explaining it to a 5 year old I think this would help me a lot.
zengirl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 First, get to an emotionally healthy place where you are happy with and love yourself and your life. Then, find someone to whom you are attracted who is attracted to you. Make sure you are basically compatible, whatever that means to you. Once you've found said person: 1.) Be honest with that person and get to know them slowly (This is not factored by time so much as by gaining a true understanding of the person). 2.) Keep in regular contact and be respectful and attentive. 3.) Work the rest out together, based on your own communication and relationship needs. Honestly, I don't know if there are rules. This is the best "Explain it to me like a 5 year old" I can do.
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