counterman Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 One of my girl friends just recently broke up with her boyfriend. When I first met her, I was going to ask her out but then she said she has a boyfriend. This was about year ago. I find her attractive and don't know if it's a good idea to ask her out. We're friends... it's sort of a different dynamic to asking a girl I'm not friends with out. I don't want to be her rebound either. So, what should I do? Ask her out? Don't ask her out? A wise man once said to be that we have no need for single, attractive female "friends".
collegeguy_24 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Don't ask her out. Before my current situation, and before I started dating my just recent ex, I was given the opportunity when one of my female friends had a nasty break from her BF, and I was attracted to her and she flirted with me constantly, but I never gave in, cause I knew I would have been the rebound. If you ask her out now, you will be the rebound, and when she is fully over her ex, she will realize this and one of two things may happen. 1: She will find out you were attracted to her the entire time, and will think you used her at her most vulnerable state, and will break up with you, and ruin your friendship. I've seen it happen. 2: She will realize you were a rebound, break up with you, and try to be friends but it will still be awkward between you. That is assuming she doesn't get back together with her ex. Its not worth it man, if you truly do care for her, give her more time, date other women, and if its meant to be its meant to be.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I don't want to be her rebound either. You pretty much answered your own question. Personally I'd chance it and ask her out, since not everyone rebounds badly, and even if she does maybe it would be fun anyway. But if you can't deal with the heightened risk of drama or will be a doormat if she goes into full rebound mode or whatever then just bail. single, attractive female "friends". Agreed, this is usually just a fairy tale if you're single too.
Author counterman Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 Yes, I will date other girls. The reason I was friends with her in the first place was that she was friends with some of my friends. However, when I say "friends", I really mean acquaintances because we don't hang out and only talk to each other when we bump into each other. She seemed to be taking it well and I wouldn't ask her out I think, unless she showed interest later down the track. There are other girls to go out with. JadedHearts, you're right. She is in a vulnerable state. She was with her ex-boyfriend for over 2 years. If it were me, last thing i would be thinking about is dating so soon after. collegeguy_24, I wouldn't want it to be awkward between us. I think if I did ask her out, it would be awkward. You're right though. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. I'll date other girls. If she initiates anything, I'll see how I respond then. WintersNightTraveler, I would chance my arm... but I don't think I'm gonna. I remember back when she was with her boyfriend and I use to see her bleary eyed, and you could tell some things weren't right. Of course I care but if she doesn't come to me, I am not gonna ask her out. Besides, I haven't been feeling up for dating lately. It just seems that there's no one I'm interested in enough to get me going. But, I do get along with her pretty well.
that girl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 So much depends on how well you know her, how much your circles overlap and how intense your feelings are for her. Yes, I will date other girls. I think this is a terrible idea. If you want to date someone who you are close with or who is tight with your friends, you have to feel pretty confident that it is pretty serious and not treat her as one of many. If you are a friend or part of a somewhat close group, asking out a recently single friend while continuing to date around is likely to bring yo major drama.
Author counterman Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Well, I am not dating anyone at the moment anyways. I see this girl sometimes once or twice a week and she seems to be okay with her break-up. I do not know if she's "over it" or not... She's showing the slightest of signs of interest, but yeah, I wouldn't do anything unless I was completely serious. I don't even know if I should consider it. I've been a bit weird around her lately. A bit confused.
somedude81 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Since she's only an acquaintance I'd say go for it. If you don't, somebody else will.
Author counterman Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 You are right. A lot of guys would be interested in her. Even today one of my friends said he was interested.
mushmaven Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 How much ever lucrative it seems to ask a person out when he/she is on the rebound, good counsel will always say don't go for it. Most of the people on a rebound are bitter, sad, nervous, and require a helping hand through the difficult situation - which you can provide by just being friends. Yes, our heart goes out for people who have broken up and moreso when we were/are attracted to them, but putting them in a relationship just because they broke up with someone else is like giving a shopkeeper money just because you went into the shop.
Author counterman Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 I do care about her...and want to know how she is doing. She seems find on the exterior and is always laughing and smiling, but surely after such a long relationship, he would feel... something. I have noticed a change in her and she is more livelier now. Should I just ask her how she's feeling about the break-up and all? I don't know if its my business or not. But, when I went through a break-up last year, I couldn't laugh or smile as she did now. So, maybe it was an amicable one? I don't know.
Author counterman Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 Okay, so, I have been seeing my friend every week about a couple of times and we're friendly as usual. A couple of guys (that I know of) has asked her out since her break-up and she has turned them both down... I think I am starting to develop feelings for her but it's only very slight. I have noticed a couple of very subtle hints that she may be interested me but it was nothing major. I think I'll just continue being normal... what I'm uncertain about is what I shall do if I go get deeper feelings for her. Any advice?
somedude81 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Have you had a real date with her yet? Have you tried to kiss her?
Author counterman Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 No, I haven't. That's the thing, I think she is still hurting from her last relationship. She has mentioned once and only once that she goes to her friends to talk about it and cry if she has to, but otherwise she is fine. As for myself, I having been caring too much about dating lately because every girl I have been with the first time, I haven't cared once about seeing again. My friend makes me think twice and then I get jaded again when I think about it. I don't mind not dating at the moment because I am just not feeling it. But when I do... I should ask her out, yeah?
Author counterman Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Well, turns out she is dating one of my friends. From what I gathered, she rejected him at first and then changed her mind later. That settles that.
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