WhenIrishEyesSmile Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few years, and recently had our second-ever fight. We've had disagreements before, bickered over things, and been annoyed at each other, but haven't really fought over anything. The only other fight we've had was about a year ago. A couple weeks ago we both had too much to drink, overreacted about things, and got into a fight. My boyfriend completely flipped out, broke up with me during the fight, and told me to get my stuff out of his house the next morning. While I was getting my things he continued to say nasty things to me. It wasn't until I was ready to leave for good that he said "Don't go, let's talk about it". My expectation, and what I have always done, is talk about the issues, decide what needs to be done differently, DO IT, and then unless it continues to be an issue because actions have not changed, it is off the table for any future discussion or arguments. Following our discussion my boyfriend continued to make snotty comments disguised as "teasing". This really irritated me as I think it's inappropriate (and I said so several times), I don't like passive aggressiveness (which is what he was doing), it was completely counter-productive, as after such a huge fight and discussion I think the focus should be on building our relationship, not tearing it down, and also because during our fight I felt that he was the one who was mostly in the wrong, yet he was the one who was acting angrier, and he was the one who was overreacting. His passive aggressiveness was making me feel bad, and even though I told him several times to stop it, he didn't. This led to me not acting happy when I was around him, which led to another fight and relationship discussion. After that I felt things we okay again - he stopped being passive aggressive and therefore I started acting like my normal happy self when I was around him. However, then his sister called him to ask how we were (due to the initial fight), which sparked another relationship discussion between us that had him crying. Now, he's back to being soooooo in love with me and so happy, and wants to get married and have kids, blah blah blah. But, this crap doesn't mean much to me anymore, because all of that was completely disrupted by one retarded fight, and then a phone call from his sister. One thing his sister said was that she thought he and I needed more hobbies to spend more time away from each other. Apparently her relationship is so ****ing great because she lives with her boyfriend but they only see each other one night a week (I know for a fact that they have a lot of issues, and one of them is that her boyfriend doesn't spend enough time with her). And now my bf is all about this! He always takes his sister's word for gospel (hence why a phone call from her telling him how bad HIS relationship with me is has him in tears), and he never once asked ME what I need to be happy in the relationship, or what I think the problem is. HE doesn't even want to spend more time away from me, but he now thinks that in order to be happy and not get sick of him I need more time away from him. Of course I expect her to be on her brother's side, however she only heard his side of things, didn't consider any alternative points of view, and decided that I'm a drama queen, and told him what is best for our relationship, which is now absolute fact in his mind. Someone who is giving advice should consider more than one point of view, not be a bossy know-it-all. When I talk to my sister about things I always hear "I see where you're coming from but..." Everytime I think about it I get so angry at his sister, and how he listens to her over me. I doubt anyone has read this far, I think I just needed to vent. I can't really talk about this with my friends, because most of them are friends with either his sister or they are friends of friends, and it would get back to her.
Cocobutter Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Tell him if he's going to hang on every word of his sister, than he can go be in a relationship with her too. Your relationship should involve two people, which does NOT include her. If I were you, I would have told her straight up to stay out of it, and if he can't contain his emotions, he is weak and unstable...you need to get away from him. Dont take **** from anyone, even if your ****ing them
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