nat_nat Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Hi Everyone! What is the youngest and oldest that you would be prepared to date? What do you think of large age gaps in general? Have you found relationships are better / worse with younger / older people? I know obviously it depends on lots of circumstances etc, but was just curious about everyone's views on this topic. Also, what would your opinion be of a 19 year old girl and a 36 year old guy?!
a_woman Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I love my toyboys and have little interest in men my age. The 19 yo v 36 might be too much though because a 19 year-old can be easily exploited. Very young ones don't know how to look after themselves emotionally.
cookie2 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 My parents are 20 years apart and have been happily married for 40 years. My mum was not 19 when they met though, she was 27 and divorced, my dad 47. So large age gaps can definitely work! But yeah 19 is definitely a bit too young.
Lorelai Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I'd always heard half of the older person's age plus 7 years was the youngest they should go for. Since I'm 30, that'd say the youngest I should ever date would be a 22 year old. I do have to say that seems scarily young. And the oldest I should go for would be 46. Which seems a bit old to me. But a 22 year old's range would be from 18-30 -- and an 18 year old would be 16-22. A 16 year old would be 15-18. Those seem a bit more reasonable, and it makes more sense that older people would handle larger age gaps easier.
zengirl Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I try to date close to my age. In some ways, I think more in "stages," but I find it very unattractive if someone hasn't graduated to a higher stage by a certain age. So, any fellow still at the same "stage" as I'm at now, but significantly my senior, is someone I consider emotionally retarded (as in slow to grow; not the medical definition) or unhealthy. Not attractive to me at all and a bit creepy. I have friends of all ages, but I cannot imagine having a partner at a different stage in their life. My age "ceiling" is probably about 32 or so, but I'd always prefer to date someone under 30. My age "floor" is around 22, but even that seems too close to college for me. Still, I graduated right before turning 21, so a year or so after-college is a bigger thing for me than the age. A 22 year old immediately out of college probably wouldn't be someone I dated at all. At the same time, a 24 year old whose been in traditional college (different if they've had a professional job and gone part-time) and just graduated wouldn't be someone I'd want to date either. They haven't come up to my life "stage" yet. (The age a person looks matters little in my equation, excepting general standards of attractiveness.) My HS/early college boyfriend was 2 years older than me, but we graduated high school at the same time and were in the same grade most of the time we dated (when we started, I was a grade below). Most of my boyfriends have been about 5 years older than me (actually 3 of my boyfriends were born the same year), but one was a few days younger than me. Also, what would your opinion be of a 19 year old girl and a 36 year old guy?! I find that dynamic unhealthy. When I was 19, my mother was only 42 (and my step-father 39). So, he'd have been more appropriate for her to date than I! I dated a 25 year old when I was 20, and honestly, I think that was too much older and was a little bit of emotional unhealthiness on my part, as college is just a very different mindset than adulthood. (But I suppose that dynamic assumes it's people who go to college. Which is, honestly, 90% of my social circle and probably always will be and colors my view.) He was dating a 20 year old because he didn't want a real relationship, but then neither did I, with my issues being what they were.
Eeyore79 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I am 30. When I was younger, I never used to date younger guys, so my lower limit was my own age and my upper limit was around 35. As I've gotten older, my upper limit has stayed the same, but I'm willing to date younger now... I'll go as low as about 25. My lower range is set at the point where guys are ready to settle down and commit to marriage and family. I don't want to date younger than 25 because I don't think the guy would be prepared to marry me and have kids. My upper range is set at the latest point at which a guy is of a reasonable age for marriage and kids; I don't want a guy who'll be retired before our kids even leave college. I guess I would stretch it into the late 30s if he was a really awesome guy.
a_woman Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 When I was 18 my first serious boyfriend was 36 (though as said in my previous post I don't recommend that) and we dated for 2 years. I had a 9 year relationship with a man who was 5 years older, my current SO is 15 years younger than me. To me it's about exploration and spontainety rather than being 'emotionally retarded'. Age isn't just a number but people don't develop according to some Mathematics rule. Rationalising dating according to age is rather boring in my opinion.
Eeyore79 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Also, what would your opinion be of a 19 year old girl and a 36 year old guy?! I'd say the girl is probably fine with it now because she's just a teenager, but the relationship won't last as she gets older, because she's going to want marriage and babies and the man will be too old for that. Not to mention that as she gets to prime partying age, he'll be past it and wanting to stay home. She'll see all her friends with hot young fun bfs, while her bf gets old and wrinkly, and eventually she'll trade him in for a younger model. From the perspective of the 36yo guy, I'd say he's probably mostly interested in sex. A 36yo can't have much in common with a teenager, apart from wanting to bang her. I know from the teenage perspective you think you're quite mature, but I also thought that when I was 19, and with hindsight I realise I wasn't as mature as I thought. The age gap looks fine when you're the teenager (I had an age gap relationship myself at that age) but when you're the older person it seems shocking to even consider dating a teenager (I look back on my age gap relationship and I'm kind of grossed out that an adult dated me when I was essentially a kid).
Ophelia11 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I am 35 and my bf is 28. We are very compatible on most levels and the age differences rarely seems noticeable. I would date a man probably up to ten years older than me, but I think the person matters a lot more than age does.
spookie Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 At 24, I'd prefer to date someone 30-35 - someone past both the partying phase and the globe-trotting phase, who is established in his career, ready to settle down, and knows what he wants out of a relationship. While I'm younger than that and in some ways young at heart, I've had enough lives to last a lifetime, and all I really crave is to have someone to come home to that I trust with my life. However, my acceptable age range is somewhere around 24 - 39. Currently I am dating a 26 year old who is barely out of the party phase, and while it's going great, I'm having trouble making that jump from "casual" to "serious" because I feel like he still has a lot of exploration and adventuring to do and is therefore not likely to stay with me for the long haul.
Citizen Erased Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 The 6 years between my SO and I suits me just fine. I'm 22 (23 next month) and he is 29. Guys my age rarely interest me that much, they're still into the partying thing, which is cool but not for me. 19 and 36...seems fine and all when he's mid 30's. Check in again when you're 30 and he is almost 50. Believe me, I get what people mean on here when they say what you want at a certain age can change very quickly. I'm not that much older than 19 but damn do I feel like it.
Green Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Hi Everyone! What is the youngest and oldest that you would be prepared to date? What do you think of large age gaps in general? Have you found relationships are better / worse with younger / older people? I know obviously it depends on lots of circumstances etc, but was just curious about everyone's views on this topic. Also, what would your opinion be of a 19 year old girl and a 36 year old guy?! I'm going to be blunt with you.. .Are you the 19 year old or the 36 year old? or a friend/family of one of those people? Why so cryptic. I think it is fine. Plus relationships don't always last so you shouldn't necesarily worry about what its going to be like when the guy turns 50/60 and all that. If the relationship does last 20 years I doubt being 50 and getting close to 60 will be the biggest concern. In the end the legal age of consent and the LAW of attractions will govern. Older men have attraction plus and attraction minus it all depends on the people involved and I think its silly to throw out rules for other people. I especialy hate it when the posters come on here and accuse men who date younger as being pedo's, creeps, gross, and damaged.
Sophia8 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I'm 23 and I prefer to date men that are older than me; 26 - 32. However, I would be willing to consider dating someone younger than 26 (but not younger than my own age) depending on their maturity. One of my close friends met her now husband when she was 17 and he was 33, at the time she did not really think much about the age gap. They have been married about 5 years now and for the last couple of years she has really noticed the age gap. She is now 24 and he will be 40 early next year, she is very mature but she feels as though she has missed a lot in her life by marrying a much older man.
JohnnyBlaze Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I'm early 30's; I have dated women 20 years older than me, but at this point I'm generally looking in my age range or younger. The reason for this being that I'd like to have a family, while most women in their 40's already have kids and aren't looking for any more. As to younger, if she's mature, I'll go as far as ten years younger. It all depends on the woman.
somedude81 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 At the end of the month I'll be 29. Incoming freshmen will be 18... I'm not looking for anything serious.
Green Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 At the end of the month I'll be 29. Incoming freshmen will be 18... I'm not looking for anything serious. If you find them attractive thats all that matters. Good luck today... not that you need it if you KISS. also don't be afraid to offer her a drink or 2
northstar1 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I don't think age gaps are much of an issue, as long as one person isn't being exploited/taken advantage of. I've seen people with 10-15 year age gaps work as well or better than people the same age. It's all relative to maturity, respect and that both people ultimately want the same thing.
Lady vs Panda Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Age gaps aren't such a big deal later in life when everyone is on a more level playing field. But they are a big deal when the younger party is fresh out of high school. A 19 year old almost always thinks they're more 'mature' than they really are, it's still part of that teenage 'I know it all' phase. They won't even realize how vulnerable they are until a few years later. And while there are probably exceptions to this, most of the guys I've seen who are my age or older and actively sniffing around 19 year olds are sort of socially inept, creepy, and have weird issues with women. I'm 28 and I would never date a 19 year old, that's still a teenager. I'd happily go down to, say, 23 or so if I were looking for a fling. My boyfriend right now is 35, and I wouldn't go much older than him; I don't have any daddy issues. But when I get to my 40s I might date anywhere from late 20s to late 50s.
2sure Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I'm in my 40s and thinking that 10 years either way is good.
Author nat_nat Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 I'm in my late 30s and I'd date a woman about 10 years younger or older. I'd never even consider early 20s or below for many reasons. Can I ask exactly what those reasons are?
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