EyeAlone Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Okay, give it to me straight. A couple of weeks ago, I exchanged emails back and forth with a guy on OKC. We really hit it off. He wanted to meet up but I told him that I would have to wait a week or so due to family issues. He was okay with that and we eventually did go out on a date last week. The date went great and he said that we should hang out again and he would call me. Well, yesterday he sent me a text message saying that he's really busy with work and he may be going out of town this weekend. He said that we would talk soon and figure something out. I'm trying not to be stupid about this and I don't want to be strung along. He owns part of store that he works at and he has lots of projects related to work. There were a couple of times when he admittedly wasn't able to email me right away because of project deadlines. I've done some background checking and yes, his stories add up. I would like to think that if he were not into me he would not have sent that text message and just forgot about me. I also can't be too whiney because I did delay meeting up with him because I was busy yet I was still interested in him. But I reiterate, I do NOT want to be stupid and blind to something that's obvious. If he was into me, he would find time to hang out with me. He probably is just stringing me along. What are your thoughts?
caramel c Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Anything is possible. He could be just blowing you off, or he could just be busy. Only time will tell.
Fouts Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Most guys/girls that have a conscience try to let the other one down easy don't they? Alot of times that includes convenient excuses until the other half gives up. It's human nature.
Angel1111 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I don't think he would've bothered texting you if he weren't interested in you. However I do think it's bad form to text this piece of info instead of picking up the phone and talking to you. But whatever. I think he's being honest with you. Just let it ride for now. I'm sure everything is fine.
harmfulsweetz Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 (edited) I think he could be just busy. Sure, in an ideal world, we'd find the time to meet up with someone, but it isn't an ideal world. He may have the time, but he may also think those spare moments in a busy time for him may be best reserved for some alone time, family time, or whatever. He text you to let you know, which is good sign, because most guys that aren't interested, just don't bother. Give it time. Obviously, don't hang around and wait on his call/text, but see what happens. I think that goddamn book He's just not that into you has a lot to answer for. We are told that if a guy does the above he's not into us, even if he's genuinely snowed under, we are told to give up on this dude, and find someone else. I think we should trust our instincts, life happens, things get in the way, I don't buy the whole 'he'll stop at nothing to see you if he's into you' because sometimes, you can't avoid being busy. Edited August 11, 2010 by harmfulsweetz
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 What day was your date and how soon after did he send the text?
Author EyeAlone Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 What day was your date and how soon after did he send the text?We went on a date last Wednesday. Then on Sunday he sent me a text asking me how I was doing and how my weekend was. It was Monday when he sent me a text telling me that he was going to be busy. I forgot to mention that in his text he said that he was at work and that's why he was unable to call me and texted instead.
Angel1111 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I think that goddamn book He's just not that into you has a lot to answer for. We are told that if a guy does the above he's not into us, even if he's genuinely snowed under, we are told to give up on this dude, and find someone else. I think we should trust our instincts, life happens, things get in the way, I don't buy the whole 'he'll stop at nothing to see you if he's into you' because sometimes, you can't avoid being busy. If more women paid attention to the signs, they would find themselves in a lot fewer relationshps where they're unhappy or heartbroken; and they'd stop clinging to relationshps that aren't working out and would stop tolerating bad behavior. That book is dead on and I'd be careful about making exceptions. In this case, she hardly knows the guy so she needs to give things more time. But not too much more. It's very true that if a guy is interested, he will find the time to be with you. It's also true that if he's always busy and rarely has time for you, then whether he's into you or not, you're never going to be a priority.
Angel1111 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 We went on a date last Wednesday. Then on Sunday he sent me a text asking me how I was doing and how my weekend was. It was Monday when he sent me a text telling me that he was going to be busy. I forgot to mention that in his text he said that he was at work and that's why he was unable to call me and texted instead. Texting in place of talking turns me off. He could've called you later. Like I said, give it time but like someone else said, don't sit around and wait on him.
a_woman Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Okay, give it to me straight. A couple of weeks ago, I exchanged emails back and forth with a guy on OKC. We really hit it off. He wanted to meet up but I told him that I would have to wait a week or so due to family issues. He was okay with that and we eventually did go out on a date last week. The date went great and he said that we should hang out again and he would call me. Well, yesterday he sent me a text message saying that he's really busy with work and he may be going out of town this weekend. He said that we would talk soon and figure something out. you only had one date. just take it easy, keep chatting to other guys to make sure you don't focus on this one too much, see if you like anyone else better. it's best if you don't have huge expectations after just one date, especially as you met on the internet (ie didn't know him before)
spookie Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 It sounds like he's busy. I doubt he would have bothered to text you if he wasn't interested. Aren't people allowed to be busy? I go through periods where I'm so over-worked I literally have to plan out my sleep time, knowing it won't happen every night. I don't even pick up calls from my family during those times. Everyone gets a message saying, "See you in 3 weeks!"
spookie Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 A phone call takes just a few minutes. If he's so busy, how is he going to have time to go on dates? That takes a lot longer than a phone call. Once in awhile someone is so busy that they can't answer their phone for a day or two, but if they are busy day after day, there is no interest. Conversely, if someone is so needy that they must go on dates every week regardless of what's going on in their partner's lives, I wouldn't want to date them.
a_woman Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 A phone call takes just a few minutes. If he's so busy, how is he going to have time to go on dates? That takes a lot longer than a phone call. Once in awhile someone is so busy that they can't answer their phone for a day or two, but if they are busy day after day, there is no interest. I get caught up in work and sometimes that involves negotiations with all sorts of people and that can be so draining. On days when I'm tired I only want to talk on the phone to those I'm closest to because it's no effort. It's much harder to make chit chats with someone who is almost a complete stranger.
carhill Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Part of compatibility is being on the same page relevant to the balance of 'busy' and 'dating'. After some online discourse and one date, that component is still a bit nebulous, apparently. It sounds to me like both parties have full and complete lives and dating is part of that dynamic, currently a less prioritized part of it. So, go with that. OP, when you had 'family stuff' and put him off a week, he perhaps (though isn't required to) felt 'put off'. You (and he) still went out on the date. Now, he's busy with 'his stuff'. You feel a bit 'put off'. Reconcile that dynamic. Does the balance of your priorities and his feel healthy? Even when one is married, one still encounters this dynamic and it often become even more complex, with partners being pulled in multiple directions. It's important, IMO, that the partners, whether married or dating like you currently are, be *compatible* in how they view this dynamic. At my age, I value flexibility. A woman who is always or consistently 'busy' is on a different path. She isn't required to be on my path nor I hers. Once that is determined, meaning compatibility of paths (or not), it's easy to move forward in a positive way. I use the same rule for friends. Your path and your rules are necessarily your own. *Own* them. If the guy isn't compatible, he isn't. I think a few weeks and one date is to early to tell. Date other men. That's what being single is all about. Variety. Enjoy
xpaperxcutx Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 If someone is that busy, why even choose to date? I know workaholics never venture outside of their comfort zone, and they're usually too preoccupied with work to think about the opposite sex. That said, I be wary of anyone saying they're too busy for a date, especially if they'd been adamant about meeting up for the first date. Any lukewarm response resonates a lack of interest and anyone like that I would not bother with.
dispatch3d Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 guys are not girls. If they aren't interested they aren't going to think of a bunch of creative and annoying ways to let you down easy. They will say "I'm not interested", lets be friends or will just ignore you completely. They won't say lets talk soon or whatever. Guys don't do clever bull****.
LBTEX Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 You all are still just getting to know each other. Give him the benefit of the doubt...once. If it happens again, then perhaps you need to be upfront and ask him what is going on or if he thinks he has time to be dating someone.
stellaluna Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I wouldn't say hes not interested, but hes not OVERLY interested in you either. I have a super busy work and sports schedule but I'll make time for a girl I am into. More often than not busy is an excuse. I am never to busy to make time for a girl I like.
Recommended Posts